Venting My mom is sick and I’m a horrible caretaker

[NoPoint2Life]

I live with my 75-year-old parents. My father is quite healthy, but my mother has so many physical issues she is housebound. I already help her out around the house for all that.But Every couple of years she gets really sick with something and that makes it worse.

This time it's colitis. She went to the ER yesterday and got diagnosed. She had been feeling sick since Friday night and had major pain.So I have been in full caretaker mode since then. I am horrible at it. I'm just not cut out to take care of anyone else. I honestly believe I am a sympathetic person, but I just have no patience. Yesterday I was helping her after her shower and she told me to please stop being so impatient because it stresses her out.

Doing this makes me question how anybody can decide to be a parent and have to do all that taking care of their kids. And then when our parents are older, we are expected to take care of them. I dread getting older and I'm terrified of it and would like to avoid it if I can. She doesn't realize this is a front row seat to seeing all the things I am afraid of and why I don't want to be here.

On top of everything, my father informed me just minutes ago that the CAT scan she had yesterday also picked up a lump on her breast. My mother told me years ago She would never get treatment if she had cancer. I don't blame her. She has enough problems as it is. Honestly, I feel the same way. But my father told me to get on top of her to do something about it. How am I supposed to do that when I wouldn't want it for myself???

 

[Bluebag]

Hello thanks for sharing, I hope the universe gives you strength to get through this. Take care.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. It's got to be incredibly difficult to care for someone else while struggling yourself. Especially family members because, we are maybe more likely to be honest with them.

I think feeling ill also makes us less patient ourselves too. So, she may be feeling you were putting pressure on her to hurry when you may not have been.

It's a bit sensitive to ask- so- obviously feel free to ignore this but, does she have dementia symptoms? That can also change our character.

Has your Mum mentioned the scan yet and, not wanting treatment? Sometimes, when it actually happens, I expect people might react differently but, that's kind of unfair for your Dad to expect you to talk her round. Is he trying to do the same?

 

[no.hope]

I live with my 75-year-old parents. My father is quite healthy, but my mother has so many physical issues she is housebound. I already help her out around the house for all that.But Every couple of years she gets really sick with something and that makes it worse.

This time it's colitis. She went to the ER yesterday and got diagnosed. She had been feeling sick since Friday night and had major pain.So I have been in full caretaker mode since then. I am horrible at it. I'm just not cut out to take care of anyone else. I honestly believe I am a sympathetic person, but I just have no patience. Yesterday I was helping her after her shower and she told me to please stop being so impatient because it stresses her out.

Doing this makes me question how anybody can decide to be a parent and have to do all that taking care of their kids. And then when our parents are older, we are expected to take care of them. I dread getting older and I'm terrified of it and would like to avoid it if I can. She doesn't realize this is a front row seat to seeing all the things I am afraid of and why I don't want to be here.

On top of everything, my father informed me just minutes ago that the CAT scan she had yesterday also picked up a lump on her breast. My mother told me years ago She would never get treatment if she had cancer. I don't blame her. She has enough problems as it is. Honestly, I feel the same way. But my father told me to get on top of her to do something about it. How am I supposed to do that when I wouldn't want it for myself???

dont beat yourself too much over it , the important part is you actually care for them however bad or good the care is

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. It's got to be incredibly difficult to care for someone else while struggling yourself. Especially family members because, we are maybe more likely to be honest with them.

I think feeling ill also makes us less patient ourselves too. So, she may be feeling you were putting pressure on her to hurry when you may not have been.

It's a bit sensitive to ask- so- obviously feel free to ignore this but, does she have dementia symptoms? That can also change our character.

Has your Mum mentioned the scan yet and, not wanting treatment? Sometimes, when it actually happens, I expect people might react differently but, that's kind of unfair for your Dad to expect you to talk her round. Is he trying to do the same?

Thanks
Half the time when I ask her if she needs anything, she just replies that she needs a new body. It's so sad. And then I feel even worse that I am not good with her.

No dementia issues, that's like the one thing she luckily does not have. Just regular old forgetting things sometimes but honestly, my memory is going downhill fast!

Well, I told her earlier today that Dad told me about the lump. I said why didn't you tell me and she claimed she didn't wanna scare me. At this point, we have no idea what it is so my father just wants her to see a doctor about it. I'm sure she will need to see a specialist and I'm sure that will be a months long Wait. But I don't think she even wants to deal with the doctor part. She claims she told both me and my father years ago that if she were ever to get cancer, she would not want treatment. I remember her telling me, but I doubt she said that to my father and whether she did or not he would probably think she was delusional. He doesn't understand what it's like that she has no quality of life. I'm sure he will bring it up to her at some point and now I feel like I'm just waiting for a huge argument. And what if I let it slip that not only do I respect her decision, but I feel the exact same way.