SomeoneIguessIdc
New Member
- Jul 13, 2024
- 2
I just need to vent...
No matter how much my mom tries to deny it I know we are broke bc of her, we have debts and debts and debts and debts and she continues going to the casino everyday... from afternoon to 3 am- 4 am.....
I''m always alone at nights... It's been like this since I was 14. I'm 19 now and I'm a neet bc social anxiety and bpd has fucked me up. I've tried to find a job everywhere, but no luck. I dropped college for the third time... what's the point anymore, I give up. I'm just waiting until I have enough money so I can go to Lima to buy N, I'm from Peru so it will be easy for me...
I just hate casinos. I sometimes hate my mom even tho I don't want to bc she can be such a nice person. I hate all of this, and I hate not being able to do anything.
I was scrolling through my audio recordings and found an audio of me arguing with my mom while she was drunk. She admitted being a slut at the casino... My dad has never done anything abt it, hes such a stupid as##ole, my mom keeps blaming him, she says her life is miserable bc of him even tho he always let her do whatever she wanted.
When I was 11 I found out that she was cheating on my dad, she manipulated me into thinking that it was normal, she used to bring the other man home, he really was like a member of the family, this went on for years. Now when I try to bring it up she just starts crying and saying "I shouldn't have trust you".
She had an expensive surgery years ag, that's okay tho bc it was for her wellbeing, the thing is that she didn't take care of herself afterwards, dranking alcohol and eating recklessly and so she fell ill again.
When I was younger she always used to buy lot of useless things impulsively, always used to max my dad's cards by buying all the clothes and things she wanted.
She fell for a lot of scams, and even was about to fell for one a couple of months ago, she asked for our advice, even tho we told her not to fell for that bc its was obviously a scam and even tho I showed her a lot of proofs she didn't listen, she just didn't want to. I got lucky bc the the company went down the same day she was about to put money into it.
Idc what she says, its her fault we are broke.
I hate this, I hate everything, I hate myself and I hate hating her.
I just hate this so much bc we werent this poor before, we actually were like upper middle class and losing everything due to someone's bad choices is so frustrating.
This is all so confusing too, she has always done bad things while being so nice to me, I do love her and really don't want to hate her but I just can't help it when I think about everything.
I keep switching between love and hate... and I'm so sick and tired of it.
Im 19 and sometimes I still cry when she leaves the house just like I did when I was 15. I'm even here crying and whinning like a little girl, bc that's what I still am, a little fcking pussy who can't grow up. But it doesn't matter anymore does it?, I've finally found the best method ever, and I'm gonna be finally free.
can't wait to find peace!
No matter how much my mom tries to deny it I know we are broke bc of her, we have debts and debts and debts and debts and she continues going to the casino everyday... from afternoon to 3 am- 4 am.....
I''m always alone at nights... It's been like this since I was 14. I'm 19 now and I'm a neet bc social anxiety and bpd has fucked me up. I've tried to find a job everywhere, but no luck. I dropped college for the third time... what's the point anymore, I give up. I'm just waiting until I have enough money so I can go to Lima to buy N, I'm from Peru so it will be easy for me...
I just hate casinos. I sometimes hate my mom even tho I don't want to bc she can be such a nice person. I hate all of this, and I hate not being able to do anything.
I was scrolling through my audio recordings and found an audio of me arguing with my mom while she was drunk. She admitted being a slut at the casino... My dad has never done anything abt it, hes such a stupid as##ole, my mom keeps blaming him, she says her life is miserable bc of him even tho he always let her do whatever she wanted.
When I was 11 I found out that she was cheating on my dad, she manipulated me into thinking that it was normal, she used to bring the other man home, he really was like a member of the family, this went on for years. Now when I try to bring it up she just starts crying and saying "I shouldn't have trust you".
She had an expensive surgery years ag, that's okay tho bc it was for her wellbeing, the thing is that she didn't take care of herself afterwards, dranking alcohol and eating recklessly and so she fell ill again.
When I was younger she always used to buy lot of useless things impulsively, always used to max my dad's cards by buying all the clothes and things she wanted.
She fell for a lot of scams, and even was about to fell for one a couple of months ago, she asked for our advice, even tho we told her not to fell for that bc its was obviously a scam and even tho I showed her a lot of proofs she didn't listen, she just didn't want to. I got lucky bc the the company went down the same day she was about to put money into it.
Idc what she says, its her fault we are broke.
I hate this, I hate everything, I hate myself and I hate hating her.
I just hate this so much bc we werent this poor before, we actually were like upper middle class and losing everything due to someone's bad choices is so frustrating.
This is all so confusing too, she has always done bad things while being so nice to me, I do love her and really don't want to hate her but I just can't help it when I think about everything.
I keep switching between love and hate... and I'm so sick and tired of it.
Im 19 and sometimes I still cry when she leaves the house just like I did when I was 15. I'm even here crying and whinning like a little girl, bc that's what I still am, a little fcking pussy who can't grow up. But it doesn't matter anymore does it?, I've finally found the best method ever, and I'm gonna be finally free.
can't wait to find peace!
