My mom ctb and I'm the only one who knows

[Backwoodsqueer]

I've lost many people to suicide and I've always been jealous of those who succeeded. My mom passed away a few months ago and everyone assumed it was natural causes because she's always been sick. While settling her estate, I found very clear evidence that she ODd. Intentionally. I haven't told my sibling or anyone else.

I don't know how to live with this information. Now I'm jealous of my mother, too? Fuck.

 

[Someone123]

You may want to consider sharing this information with someone else, this may be less of a burden this way.

 

[Backwoodsqueer]

You may want to consider sharing this information with someone else, this may be less of a burden this way.

You're probably right. It's just such a heavy thing that I don't want to burden anyone else with it. I wouldn't even know who to tell. I don't want to devastate my family with the real reason she's gone and I stopped seeing a therapist long ago.

 

[Someone123]

You're probably right. It's just such a heavy thing that I don't want to burden anyone else with it. I wouldn't even know who to tell. I don't want to devastate my family with the real reason she's gone and I stopped seeing a therapist long ago.

I think that telling your family seems to make sense, they could help you to deal with this- I'm not sure why you wouldn't want to do this, I think they would want to know- it will be tough for them, but it will be much tougher for them later if they found out you were keeping this secret from them, I would think.

 

[summers]

I've lost many people to suicide and I've always been jealous of those who succeeded. My mom passed away a few months ago and everyone assumed it was natural causes because she's always been sick. While settling her estate, I found very clear evidence that she ODd. Intentionally. I haven't told my sibling or anyone else.

I don't know how to live with this information. Now I'm jealous of my mother, too? Fuck.

Do not share this info if any insurance money is involved. You'll be fucking yourself and everyone else who can collect.

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

That truth is a heavy burden to carry on your own, only you can know if it is right to share it.

 

[Lost Magic]

I am so sorry for your loss and the way you feel about this secret. However, I hope since you shared it with us you feel a little of the pressure lifted. You will know what to do in your own time. Just grieve, for now.

 

[Someone123]

Do not share this info if any insurance money is involved. You'll be fucking yourself and everyone else who can collect.

That really depends on the policy, but this is a concern worth considering. Most policies I have a one or two year period of exclusion for suicide, but in most cases if it has been two years since the policy was taken out they would still pay the benefits, but you would need to check the policy.

 

[FuneralCry]

I am also envious of those who have ctb. Non existence is what I want the most after all. I wish you the best in whatever happens. I can imagine it must be painful to lose people but at least they are all free from their suffering now.

 

[Backwoodsqueer]

Thankfully I don't have any issues with life insurance or anything like that. I just feel like I should let people think it was natural so they don't get angry and do the whole "suicide is selfish" bullshit. I guess I'd rather let them think that it was just her time.

I still haven't told anyone outside of this thread. I tried telling my best friend and couldn't say the words. This is eating me up inside and I can't get it off my mind. I think I need to go back to therapy.