I dont know what to say. So much happened, no matter what I did, I failed. I had a job with $70/month salary (NOT joking), now it will be $40/month. A few other workplaces I contact just makes fun of me by telling me "we are going to hire you. Just message us when you should visit us" and then goes silent and starts ghosting me. People around me started blocking me so I won't ask for job or support. And This is just one of my immeasurable problems.
Enough is enough
In order to test my resolve, I tried suffocating myself. This time, I was able to suffocate myself by holding my breath until I felt dizzy - I NEVER was able to suffocate myself beyond a certain point - today, I passed that point and went further.
My method is to go to sea (air temperature 5-12C), stay inside water. If I can, i drown myself, or I cut myself in throat (even if it's a minor cut. A minor cut contacted with seawater can be infected), or I suffocate myself. If I can suffocate myself, it will be really good. Instead of surviving hypothermia for unknown amount of time until I am knocked out, I will just need to endure cold weather for 3 minutes maximum until I lose consciousness and fall into sea! There isn't even a need to purposefully force myself go into sea - suffocation will do just that.
Winter is better than summer. Although in summer due to hot weather, brain dies faster, cells demand oxygen faster, in winter cold temperature reduces body's oxygen needs. Some people survive cold weather inside ice for 1 hour because of this. Body goes into hibernate mode and preserves itself in cold weather, unlike hot weather
But major advantage of cold weather is hypothermia. In hot summer, I can chicken out and walk away from sea without drowning myself. But In winter, even if I can't cut/suffocate /drown myself, if I can endure hypothermia a bit, I will be dead - it will knock me out, no need to drown myself consciously
That's it basically.
Enough is enough
In order to test my resolve, I tried suffocating myself. This time, I was able to suffocate myself by holding my breath until I felt dizzy - I NEVER was able to suffocate myself beyond a certain point - today, I passed that point and went further.
My method is to go to sea (air temperature 5-12C), stay inside water. If I can, i drown myself, or I cut myself in throat (even if it's a minor cut. A minor cut contacted with seawater can be infected), or I suffocate myself. If I can suffocate myself, it will be really good. Instead of surviving hypothermia for unknown amount of time until I am knocked out, I will just need to endure cold weather for 3 minutes maximum until I lose consciousness and fall into sea! There isn't even a need to purposefully force myself go into sea - suffocation will do just that.
Winter is better than summer. Although in summer due to hot weather, brain dies faster, cells demand oxygen faster, in winter cold temperature reduces body's oxygen needs. Some people survive cold weather inside ice for 1 hour because of this. Body goes into hibernate mode and preserves itself in cold weather, unlike hot weather
But major advantage of cold weather is hypothermia. In hot summer, I can chicken out and walk away from sea without drowning myself. But In winter, even if I can't cut/suffocate /drown myself, if I can endure hypothermia a bit, I will be dead - it will knock me out, no need to drown myself consciously
That's it basically.
