Venting My luxuries don’t make me happy.

[Anxieyote]

I'm luckier than some in that I'm able to afford everything I want. I'm not rich by any means, but I've worked and saved up enough over the years, that I have a nice apartment, nice decor, an expensive tablet, an expensive smartphone, not much debt, and subscriptions to everything someone could possibly want or need—a collection of popular news magazines, a music streaming service, a video-game streaming service, a health and fitness service, multiple movie-streaming services, a large HD television, surround-sound system, and a full set of color-changing lightbulbs (with an app to make them any color I want).

That covers almost every conceivable need or want that a person could have...which is why it's ridiculous that I'm still suicidal despite all of it. I cleaned my house from top to bottom today, and it looks immaculate. Nothing is out of place, the cloths are folded and sorted, the bed is made, I reorganized the refrigerator, I vacuumed the carpet, and YET I STILL WANT TO DIE

Why, why, why, why, why. I know "money can't buy happiness" is such a generic thing to say, but I have so many things that should be helping me want to stay alive on this planet. I have so many things that are supposed to make my life on this planet infinitely easier, so why am I still unsatisfied and sad all the fucking time? It's unfair that I'm reaping all of the middle-class American rewards, and yet none of them make life worth living. None of them are enough.

I want friends, I want a partner, I want family. None of my nice things are worth shit unless I can share them with someone else.

 

[WearyHSP]

Money does buy therapy and treatments AND, opportunities.
I hear you, I feel the same way about wanting friends, a partner, and family.

Can you put this money into opportunities to meet people?
Before I got sick and all my money went to medical and trauma recovery costs, I attended workshops and traveled and had a lot of ways to connect with others, and in fact with shared interests as a result. I had lots of wonderful experiences. I can't afford to do any of that anymore so I wish I was in your situation. Even, for instance, trying a ketamine treatment for depression - can't afford it.

Money doesn't buy love but it does bring opportunity. Can you think of anything along the lines of what I'm describing that might be suitable to you?

 

[Pluto]

I relate to what you say. I've lost almost all interest in electronics which I used to be hugely passionate about. Except where something has some genuine utility, it is completely meaningless. I think I subconsciously wanted to impress others and make myself more popular.

 

[Nati]

I also have pretty much everything I want and can afford anything else I might want. its truly worth nothing when you're truly suicidal.
Every time I find something that might interest me i spend money on the best products so I won't have excuses and in hope ill Finally find something I'd feel good doing. Every time I get bored and the money is basically wasted. Right now I'm writing from a damn iPad Pro because I wanted to learn how to draw. It's mostly used to play Remikube…
i got nothing I can buy for myself to make myself happy or find meaning in life so I try helping my family when i can. Kinda the only thing that makes me feel "not bad".

 

[Anxieyote]

Money does buy therapy and treatments AND, opportunities.
I hear you, I feel the same way about wanting friends, a partner, and family.

Can you put this money into opportunities to meet people?
Before I got sick and all my money went to medical and trauma recovery costs, I attended workshops and traveled and had a lot of ways to connect with others, and in fact with shared interests as a result. I had lots of wonderful experiences. I can't afford to do any of that anymore so I wish I was in your situation. Even, for instance, trying a ketamine treatment for depression - can't afford it.

Money doesn't buy love but it does bring opportunity. Can you think of anything along the lines of what I'm describing that might be suitable to you?

I have considered selling my tablet and phone, and then using the extra cash to pay for a bunch of accounts on premium dating sites or something to see if I could have any luck there, in terms of finding a partner. Meeting people is hard where I live since I'm in small town, so to expand my friend group, I'd have to make a larger financial commitment by moving to a bigger city, which I have always hesitated to do since I know former acquaintances who lost everything when they couldn't afford the cost of living in places like that. So there are a few options, but they could also result in financial ruin if I'm not careful—and the last thing I want to end up as is homeless.

I also have pretty much everything I want and can afford anything else I might want. its truly worth nothing when you're truly suicidal.
Every time I find something that might interest me i spend money on the best products so I won't have excuses and in hope ill Finally find something I'd feel good doing. Every time I get bored and the money is basically wasted. Right now I'm writing from a damn iPad Pro because I wanted to learn how to draw. It's mostly used to play Remikube…
i got nothing I can buy for myself to make myself happy or find meaning in life so I try helping my family when i can. Kinda the only thing that makes me feel "not bad".

I am typing this from an iPad Pro, and you would think the nice clicky keyboard and high-resolution screen would help with the CTB urges, but my heart still cries with sadness and rage. I also bought it to use as a drawing tablet, but my motivation is shot from depression, so I just end up playing games on it too

 

[Bleak]

There's always the world of ideas. Books are a great way to escape the trappings of the physical world. Since you are contemplating death, may as well read what some of history's greatest minds have said about it (if you haven't already). Or delve into history and see that countless people before you have been in similar situations and had similar feelings. That comforts me sometimes and distracts from being lonely.

 

[Nati]

I am typing this from an iPad Pro, and you would think the nice clicky keyboard and high-resolution screen would help with the CTB urges, but my heart still cries with sadness and rage. I also bought it to use as a drawing tablet, but my motivation is shot from depression, so I just end up playing games on it too

It's almost funny how fucked up this is. Money actually worth nothing. Happiness is everything. Without the will to live there's no point having all this money.
Sometimes I wonder if this comfort is what keeps me alive. I have no worries and no obligations which means I have nothing to "push" me over the edge to do something dramatic and kill myself. I just live. Like a plant.
So many people kill themselves "just like that". A knife to the heart, jumping and even pouring gas and lighting themselves. Stuff you can only do from an extreme pain from dealing with whatever crap they had in their lives. I suffer and extremely hurt emotionally but my theory is it's just not enough -for me at least- to "just do it". The 'funny' thing is I don't even have the motivation to start something that will drop on me some responsibility that might push me to do something.

 

[meetapple]

Research shows that once someone can afford basic necessities additional money brings no more happiness. I echo the sentiment of others that you should try to connect with other people. Just try to make a friend. You don't have to start off with finding a partner.

 

[Chiisai]

Money doesn't buy love but it does bring opportunity.

I love this! Sounds a lot real than the generic "Money cant buy happiness". We all are unhappy when there's something lacking and for most, its the lack of financial stability and the opportunities in life wasted in barely achieving it.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I'm luckier than some in that I'm able to afford everything I want. I'm not rich by any means, but I've worked and saved up enough over the years, that I have a nice apartment, nice decor, an expensive tablet, an expensive smartphone, not much debt, and subscriptions to everything someone could possibly want or need—a collection of popular news magazines, a music streaming service, a video-game streaming service, a health and fitness service, multiple movie-streaming services, a large HD television, surround-sound system, and a full set of color-changing lightbulbs (with an app to make them any color I want).

That covers almost every conceivable need or want that a person could have...which is why it's ridiculous that I'm still suicidal despite all of it. I cleaned my house from top to bottom today, and it looks immaculate. Nothing is out of place, the cloths are folded and sorted, the bed is made, I reorganized the refrigerator, I vacuumed the carpet, and YET I STILL WANT TO DIE

Why, why, why, why, why. I know "money can't buy happiness" is such a generic thing to say, but I have so many things that should be helping me want to stay alive on this planet. I have so many things that are supposed to make my life on this planet infinitely easier, so why am I still unsatisfied and sad all the fucking time? It's unfair that I'm reaping all of the middle-class American rewards, and yet none of them make life worth living. None of them are enough.

I want friends, I want a partner, I want family. None of my nice things are worth shit unless I can share them with someone else.

 

[Capsicum_Corral]

I have a nice apartment, nice decor, an expensive tablet, an expensive smartphone, not much debt, and subscriptions to everything someone could possibly want or need—a collection of popular news magazines, a music streaming service, a video-game streaming service, a health and fitness service, multiple movie-streaming services, a large HD television, surround-sound system, and a full set of color-changing lightbulbs (with an app to make them any color I want).

That covers almost every conceivable need or want that a person could have...which is why it's ridiculous that I'm still suicidal despite all of it.

Your collection of stuff that separates you from real life is not doing you any favors, imo. A place to live in nature, with a garden, some pets and animals, and fulfilling work and projects sounds more like what people want and need. Okay, maybe not always 'want', but I would argue the need is there.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, nothing would ever make me want to live, no matter what happened. I could never be satisfied with life. Nothing interests me anyway. Life can be so depressing when you live an empty existence. Loneliness can be painful for many people. Having lots of things can be meaningless when you are lacking what you really want. I wish you the best.

 

[Lost Magic]

Similar to you there. I have most of the stuff I would ever need too. Gaming laptop, IPad, Nintendo 3ds, A VR headset, lots of health and fitness equipment, kitchen gadgets, subscriptions to games, movies. A screen drawing monitor, noise cancelling headphones (these are my favourite for blocking annoying sounds). I have very little to buy now, so now I can concentrate on getting out of this planet altogether. So I am trying to setup a will now. I don't have much savings but I have enough for a cremation and a charity donation of my choice. Money also helped me get my Sodium Nitrite pack (would prefer Nembutal) with all the drugs I need. So, yeah, luxuries don't make you happy, sure, but they definitely take some of the sting out of life before you plan to end it. In my opinion.