Venting My love makes me sick.

[JustLain]

I recently fell in love, and of course I'm happy about it. But she's a very busy person and I haven't seen her in the past 48 hours. My anxiety and depression are constantly making me think the worst even though none of what im thinking is (most likely) true. I'm a extremely obsessive lover, a real life yandere even. The kind of person who will leave 500+ messages overnight. I miss her so much but it makes me sick since she is gone. I dont know what she's doing or anything. It hurts being left in the dark, but its probably because of college exams. I know that but my judgment is clouded. My mind really just wants me to think she's given up on me. My heart races, my body trembles. It's physically painful. All I've been doing is sleeping and waiting for her, it's all that's on my mind and I just don't know how to break this cycle that is unhealthy for both of us. Any advice or comments anyone has?

 

[EndJstifiesTheMeans]

Im like you.. i dont know how to help you

 

[The anhedonic one]

Oh god I really relate to this. I was once in a relationship with a girl who lived 200 miles away. I could only see her at weekend after work.
The week spent at work without Her was sheer torment of the heart and soul.
I would feel the most unbearable loneliness without her, and I would also have many doubtful feelings too about whether She loved me as much as I loved her, and wether She was faithful etc.
So sorry you are going through this.
Love is both both beautiful and brutal.

 

[Jamesun]

I feel exactly the same, I would even like to know what to do I'm sorry.

 

[11April]

I think you are lucky. It is better to experience this conflicting feeling of uncontrolled love than to die without knowing it. I am familiar with this.

 

[Ashu]

All I've been doing is sleeping and waiting for her,

You say she's very busy. Isn't there anything you have to do? It can't be a good thing for the future of the relationship if she's the only one with things to do.

 

[JustLain]

You say she's very busy. Isn't there anything you have to do? It can't be a good thing for the future of the relationship if she's the only one with things to do.

I can't really help it, thats just how I am. I don't want friends, I only want her. She's the only thing I think about, and it's been that way since we met. It hasn't been that long, of course, but... I dont really know how I can explain it. That's just how I've always been with everyone I've loved. And the same reason I wanted to avoid it. But she encourages my behavior, I've asked her why and she has told me she just likes being obsessed over. It's the main reason we're together, even though she shouldn't want me.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I can't really help it, thats just how I am. I don't want friends, I only want her. She's the only thing I think about, and it's been that way since we met. It hasn't been that long, of course, but... I dont really know how I can explain it. That's just how I've always been with everyone I've loved. And the same reason I wanted to avoid it. But she encourages my behavior, I've asked her why and she has told me she just likes being obsessed over. It's the main reason we're together, even though she shouldn't want me.

I once dated a girl who was suffering from MUNCHAUSENS syndrome. She would crave attention all the time. The relationship was very one sided and exhausting for me.
I eventually realised that my love was unrequited so ended the relationship for the good of my mental health.

 

[JustLain]

I once dated a girl who was suffering from MUNCHAUSENS syndrome. She would crave attention all the time. The relationship was very one sided and exhausting for me.
I eventually realised that my love was unrequited so ended the relationship for the good of my mental health.

It isn't officially recognized, but I have Obsessive Love Disorder. I dont think its ever gonna change. I dont hold grudges against anyone for not liking me, I know it's a lot. It's good you left her. I wish she would do it to me sooner than later...

 

[Forever Sleep]

I guess you have to try and bring logic into it. If she's doing exams- she won't be allowed her phone. Plus- exams are really stressful. She likely needs all of her focus to be on them at the moment.

I don't know what to say really. I'm an obsessive person definitely but I haven't been in a relationship and I'm pretty sure all the crushes I've had have been limerance. I don't really know how I'd act but I doubt it would be that healthy either.

I guess it depends on what you're 'happy' with. I'd just say- if you and her continue like this- you very likely will be feeling like a 'puppet on a string' a lot of the time. She's not going to be able to respond to 500 texts during the night. Maybe sometimes you need to literally just stop yourself and wait for her to contact you. It's going to be difficult to not think about her constantly but you do- to some extent have control over your own actions.

I'm sorry though. I don't think we can really help who we are. It did actually help me to realise that my crushes probably were limerance- and that I do 'suffer' from it. (Not saying you do.) I think- just by knowing I can become obsessed like this- it takes the focus off of- 'I love this person so much' to- 'I'm an obsessive person. It's not necessarily my 'fault'. (These sorts of things often develop out of childhood trauma.) But- it's not necessarily that I do 'love' this person- it's likely my obsession coming out and I've found them to focus it on.' So- rather than get swept up in romance and pain and all that- when I feel myself doing it- I try to tell myself- this is just what you're like- so- be careful!

I don't know if any of that helped really. I'm sorry for how you feel.

 

[JustLain]

I guess you have to try and bring logic into it. If she's doing exams- she won't be allowed her phone. Plus- exams are really stressful. She likely needs all of her focus to be on them at the moment.

I don't know what to say really. I'm an obsessive person definitely but I haven't been in a relationship and I'm pretty sure all the crushes I've had have been limerance. I don't really know how I'd act but I doubt it would be that healthy either.

I guess it depends on what you're 'happy' with. I'd just say- if you and her continue like this- you very likely will be feeling like a 'puppet on a string' a lot of the time. She's not going to be able to respond to 500 texts during the night. Maybe sometimes you need to literally just stop yourself and wait for her to contact you. It's going to be difficult to not think about her constantly but you do- to some extent have control over your own actions.

I'm sorry though. I don't think we can really help who we are. It did actually help me to realise that my crushes probably were limerance- and that I do 'suffer' from it. (Not saying you do.) I think- just by knowing I can become obsessed like this- it takes the focus off of- 'I love this person so much' to- 'I'm an obsessive person. It's not necessarily my 'fault'. (These sorts of things often develop out of childhood trauma.) But- it's not necessarily that I do 'love' this person- it's likely my obsession coming out and I've found them to focus it on.' So- rather than get swept up in romance and pain and all that- when I feel myself doing it- I try to tell myself- this is just what you're like- so- be careful!

I don't know if any of that helped really. I'm sorry for how you feel.

Thank you for your words, I probably should chill out and wait. But I always find myself sending at least a few texts every hour or half hour. I end up feeling worse when I try though. Maybe my post was dumb, if I'm not gonna take any advice or even try.


I would like to comment about childhood trauma, since I dont really think ive ever suffered from anything, I just thought that's just how I am.

I dont think my obsession gets in the way of my life though, it's a mix of both to me. But ive seen some posts on reddit about how it can be mistaken for love. I truely dont think I have just obsession, I feel it be both love and obsession. And her encouraging me to me this raw and unfiltered self definitely isn't helping me overcome anything. I wanna talk to her about everything but she hasn't been active in the past 2 days at all. Completely dark, she didn't even say goodbye. I know its just exams but im still scared. Stupid brain thinking stupid things all the time, huh?

 

[The anhedonic one]

It isn't officially recognized, but I have Obsessive Love Disorder. I dont think its ever gonna change. I dont hold grudges against anyone for not liking me, I know it's a lot. It's good you left her. I wish she would do it to me sooner than later...

I am convinced that I have obsessive love disorder too. Or maybe I just love too much or feel too much.
I too hope that She leaves you soon. Because that way you will be spared from the soul-crushing feeling that loving someone too much can bring.
Does this make sense ?

 

[JustLain]

I am convinced that I have obsessive love disorder too. Or maybe I just love too much or feel too much.
I too hope that She leaves you soon. Because that way you will be spared from the soul-crushing feeling that loving someone too much can bring.
Does this make sense ?

No, its too late for me. I'm already at the point ill CTB if she leaves. But that's okay, I would just rather her be in a relationship with someone that isnt like me. Im not healthy for anyone. And I should have stayed single. Change your hope to hoping the best for her, not me. Im too far down the love pipeline. I have a bad lack of energy when she isn't here. I sleep and wait. I can barely stomach eating when she's gone. I have to wonder if ill see her tomorrow. Or the next day. Or wonder if she's forgotten about me. Depression and obsession dont mix well.

 

[The anhedonic one]

No, its too late for me. I'm already at the point ill CTB if she leaves. But that's okay, I would just rather her be in a relationship with someone that isnt like me. Im not healthy for anyone. And I should have stayed single. Change your hope to hoping the best for her, not me. Im too far down the love pipeline. I have a bad lack of energy when she isn't here. I sleep and wait. I can barely stomach eating when she's gone. I have to wonder if ill see her tomorrow. Or the next day. Or wonder if she's forgotten about me. Depression and obsession dont mix well.

So sorry. Hugs.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Thank you for your words, I probably should chill out and wait. But I always find myself sending at least a few texts every hour or half hour. I end up feeling worse when I try though. Maybe my post was dumb, if I'm not gonna take any advice or even try.


I would like to comment about childhood trauma, since I dont really think ive ever suffered from anything, I just thought that's just how I am.

I dont think my obsession gets in the way of my life though, it's a mix of both to me. But ive seen some posts on reddit about how it can be mistaken for love. I truely dont think I have just obsession, I feel it be both love and obsession. And her encouraging me to me this raw and unfiltered self definitely isn't helping me overcome anything. I wanna talk to her about everything but she hasn't been active in the past 2 days at all. Completely dark, she didn't even say goodbye. I know its just exams but im still scared. Stupid brain thinking stupid things all the time, huh?

I doubt it will help you but I'm sure I'd feel the same. Yeah- I know what you mean. Like- crushes/ loves usually are quite obsessive- so- what makes them limerance sometimes? I don't know officially. I guess it's just how I feel about myself when I get like this. I found that- even when my crush would do something I found unpleasant- and I don't just mean annoying- I mean outright nasty- I would re-evaluate who I thought they were for maybe a day but then I'd be right back to fantasizing about all their good points. At the time, I thought it must be 'love' because I loved them for their 'faults' as well. (Not saying I don't have faults- of course.) Still- in retrospect, it all seemed kind of crazy. I didn't enjoy how out of control it felt either at the time.

But yeah- of course- I can't judge you. But no- you have every right to post here. In a way, I think a lot of our various problems here are because we feel unable to change. We'd likely be in the recovery section if we were willing to do that!

I hope you do get an answer from her soon.

 

[JustLain]

I hope you do get an answer from her soon.

I hope so too, the loneliness causes pain. Physical and mental. I dont think she knows yet. I'll tell her when I can. If it keeps going, her just being MIA, and getting worse I'll end it, not our relationship. The last 44 hours and 30ish minutes have been so painful.