Ghostofthepast
Student
- Dec 31, 2022
- 178
my life story i dont know where to even begin honestly the first few years i either dont remeber or nothing bad happened what really set it off i was when i was 5 almost 6 i grew up in a pretty bad household father was always using drugs dinking beating me my siblings my mother but i never though it could get worse well it ddi that day was pretty uneventfull then the evening came in everyone was watching tv i was in my room i liked to have alone time before bed i always have to wind down my father if you could call him one came in asked what i was doing he sat down on the bed and got very close we talked for abit as far as i can remeber it then it happened he pulled his dick out and put to my face told me no one needs to know about this and its out secert after having him bascilly force in my mouth he pulled my pants down and fondled me for abit tired to put it in my ass couldnt and left as he left told me to never tell anyone or he would hurt me later that year after my 6th birthday i tried to hang myself for the first time i failed really upset me at the time i didnt understand why now i know i probably didnt tie it right a few years went by between the bulling in school everyday the bulling at home by my family what i though where friends and anyone who could my deprrssion really started to kick in i stared cutting at age 9 i started with my legs so no one would see them it made all the pain go away the one thing i could controll the one thing that i decied when and how it happens i met my best friend richard at age 9 we clicked almost instantly we would preotect eachother and i had a friend a real friend finally i had my first kiss as 11 little did i know it was all to lure me to get my ass beat by a bunch of people richard found out and almost killed the kid that beat me up by age 12 me and richard started smoking weed it was just another way to make the pain go away i tried to cut my wriste this year as well because the bulling only gotten more violent and more relentless by age 13 i lost my v card only to have the girl call me small tell me i wasnt doing it right and then finished herself off told everyone at school about it i got made fun of beat for it told to kill myself almost got thrown out of a window i started haning out with a kid named mat him his sister emily and his friend jack they were the kids that constantly got into trouble smoked and did drugs skipped school a bad bach but they were showing me how to make money on the side because before that i was only helping my step father if you could call him that too doing side work to pay the bills we never had much money or food growing up so selling drugs was a good idea to me at the time but richard didnt see it that way we had a falling out i spent from the age of 13 until 15 selling drugs doing them getting into fghts in school skipping school my grades stared to slip bad i started cutting more wanting to die more even with people around me i didnt find happiness like i though i would i have always questioned everything why are we here what is the reason we are here why dose life hurt too much i would soon find that out me and richard patched things up abit after i turned 15 it was like we never stopped talking he had a girlfriend by then amanda she was a cool girl down to earth always had something good to say no matter what we started hanging out more i started ha nging with my old crew less and less little did i know they only wanted me around because they thought i was crazy and they knew i wasnt afraid to die so i would always do more dangerous jobs and drops then it happened richard wanted to hang one day then we were going to go smoke with mat because rich didnt have any and mat offered we played majors mask for abit then next thing i know im waking up tied up he just looked at me said sorry and stepped up on a stool we always said if we were going to go it was together he had hope for me i guess who knows he hung himself right infront me i layed there for hrs screaming and crying mat found us because we never showed and he had a bad feeling mat had jack and emily get me out of there he called the cops said he found rich like that i didnt eat sleep or really do anything for years after that bulling got so bad i was about to be kicked out of the school district for fighting so much so i just left i got a said job with a great boss frank or whatever the hell his nam was i cant remeber was a agreat boss 40hrs under the table good pay but he always treated his workers well the job dried up and he lost his bisnuess so i was out of a job i met a cute girl back in 2015 her name was sydney we clicked almost instly we would then spend the next 5 years as friends we would flirt be there for one another overall just be a good friend we had a falling out abit she friended zoned me when she met her boyfriend av it really hurt me i went to see her bought her things told her for years i wanted to be with her but it wasnt ment to be we come to current now i met kit back in 2021 we started taking at work i liked her she said she liked me soon she was moving in with me and my sister her and her son sammy was going to be homeless we got together sortly after t we had our fight our ups and downs but i loved her and would do anything for her turns out she sent a nude to a old friend back before chrismas it hurt me it really did i did the same with a co worker a few months later we started to fight more and more i wasnt comftable taking about my porn habbites it was tabboo in my home growing up so i lied about it constly it caused problems we both started working at nirvina a watter bottle plant things were good un til june i come to find out shebhas sent nudes to alot of men slept with a co worker that i thought was my friend i ended up trying to kill myslef i lost my job went to a phyc ward was put on meds in that time she had a abortion she didnt want kids i did but everything was good for the next 3 months then she broke up with me come to find out she slept with another co worker was flirting with him for months i walked in on them doing it i punched a window out its been crazy this is just a shorttened verson of it i have lost everything that made me whole and honstly now i dont even want to be here anymore
