Venting My life is worth less than others (im boring)

[CFLoser]

the most interesting thing about me is that I fantasize about being beat up by my ex boyfriend

what's YOUR worth?

I want to give up my life to make someone else happier. Really badly. I can really empathize with the people who willingly become sex slaves or that other fetish stuff because they deeply hate themselves and will do any demeaning, disgusting thing to make someone else happy so they can bask in a small bit of that happiness themselves.

 

[BabyYoda]

the most interesting thing about me is that I fantasize about being beat up by my ex boyfriend

what's YOUR worth?

I want to give up my life to make someone else happier. Really badly. I can really empathize with the people who willingly become sex slaves or that other fetish stuff because they deeply hate themselves and will do any demeaning, disgusting thing to make someone else happy so they can bask in a small bit of that happiness themselves.

My worth? Eh, nothing much. I don't really have things that I'm good at. As a sadomasochist I fantasize about those stuff as well.

 

[noctiva]

I do not believe that humans have an intrinsic value at all. Humans are cruel creatures that drive pleasure from others misfortune. That's why we need laws, rules and conventions to make sure that we do not abuse one another, that we treat each other 'humanely', because we as a species have the capacity to use and abuse others, down to insane forms of torture, for no other reasons than our own elevation, our own 'fun'. No other species displays this capacity to derive pleasure from torture and other depravities. Animals kill for the sake of killing, for survival. Humans can kill for fun, humans can torture for fun, for sadistic pleasure, domination. (And this behaviour is used to increase self-worth, by elevating yourself over someone else, by dominating someone.)
Worth in my opinion is attributed by others, by how much they value you, and how well they treat you. Based on the actions others take towards you, you can estimate your value to those in your social circle.
If you do not value someone and they love you deeply, then you will not feel loved. If you love someone deeply, and they do not value you, you will feel worthless. If you love someone deeply and they love you, you will feel valued. Etcetc.
I do not understand how people assume that your worth comes from the inside, if you are treated like you don't matter at all, you will not feel very worthy or valued, no matter what you want to believe of yourself. Humans are social creatures and I don't think it's possible to have high self-worth when your social circle has ostracised you. In tribal times, being ostracised from your group meant death. And now, being ostracised means social death, but not physical death. It means prolonged suffering and mental pain.

Personally, I am worthless.

 

[BabyYoda]

I do not believe that humans have an intrinsic value at all. Humans are cruel creatures that drive pleasure from others misfortune. That's why we need laws, rules and conventions to make sure that we do not abuse one another, that we treat each other 'humanely', because we as a species have the capacity to use and abuse others, down to insane forms of torture, for no other reasons than our own elevation, our own 'fun'. No other species displays this capacity to derive pleasure from torture and other depravities. Animals kill for the sake of killing, for survival. Humans can kill for fun, humans can torture for fun, for sadistic pleasure, domination. (And this behaviour is used to increase self-worth, by elevating yourself over someone else, by dominating someone.)
Worth in my opinion is attributed by others, by how much they value you, and how well they treat you. Based on the actions others take towards you, you can estimate your value to those in your social circle.
If you do not value someone and they love you deeply, then you will not feel loved. If you love someone deeply, and they do not value you, you will feel worthless. If you love someone deeply and they love you, you will feel valued. Etcetc.
I do not understand how people assume that your worth comes from the inside, if you are treated like you don't matter at all, you will not feel very worthy or valued, no matter what you want to believe of yourself. Humans are social creatures and I don't think it's possible to have high self-worth when your social circle has ostracised you. In tribal times, being ostracised from your group meant death. And now, being ostracised means social death, but not physical death. It means prolonged suffering and mental pain.

Personally, I am worthless.

Thank you for saying this. I never really understood how worth comes from the inside. I never really understood my worth if I was no use to society. It would be better if I isolated myself. That's why it would help a lot if I just wiped my worthless ass out of the world and disappear into the void. I also find suicide justified if the phrase "nobody can love you if you don't love yourself" is actually true. I hate myself more than I love myself and I can't really do much about it.

 

[noctiva]

Thank you for saying this. I never really understood how worth comes from the inside. I never really understood my worth if I was no use to society. It would be better if I isolated myself. That's why it would help a lot if I just wiped my worthless ass out of the world and disappear into the void. I also find suicide justified if the phrase "nobody can love you if you don't love yourself" is actually true. I hate myself more than I love myself and I can't really do much about it.

I hear you. If I had the financial means to isolate myself, I would do that. Just pay off my apartment and have enough money to have a dog and food. I would actually prefer that over ctb.
But I don't have the means to stay alive. If I don't work, I can't pay my loan, if I can't pay my loan, I lose my apartment, if I don't have an apartment, I have no physical safety, I'll be living on the street. I can't work anymore, my mind is broken, I don't function anymore, so I'm going down hard. I think I'm broken beyond repair, yet I would still like to live, but I have no place in this world to do so. So I am literally forced to ctb.
People say you can't put a price on a humans life. No you can't, because a human life is cheap and expendable. My tiny studio apartment has higher value than my life. So the bank will sell my apartment to get their moneys worth and I'll live on the street. My life is of no concern, of no value. Only money is.

 

[BlessedOffal]

Our worth in this universe, on this planet, in this society should be out ability to care for and love others.

That's it.

Joy.

But shitty people, without the ability to care and love, have corrupted everything and made human worth equal our abilities to produce, spend, hoard money. To look good on the outside.

Fuck them. I value all of you on this forum more than I value every single, shitty capitalist out there.

 

[Epsilon0]

(without taking into discussion people who murder, abuse, rape etc)

I think that all lives are equally worthy and all creatures have the same worth. That worth is neither high, nor low, it just is. I don't think you can grade it on a scale. It is equal for every living organism. So, to answer your question: my worth is the same as yours!

 

[Deleted member 1496]

I still find myself saying "I don't matter" and "I always fuck up". But in reading what others have gone through with complex trauma and them identifying other people's behavior as not just damaging but actually wrong, I've begun to resent those who treat me, or anyone, like shit. Next, if only my resentment for them can become enough to overcome my sympathy for them, I'll be better off. Heck, the world would be better off.

The world feels so backwards in so many ways: the wrong people hate themselves, and the wrong people benefit from it.

 

[Edward1]

I still find myself saying "I don't matter" and "I always fuck up". But in reading what others have gone through with complex trauma and them identifying other people's behavior as not just damaging but actually wrong, I've begun to resent those who treat me, or anyone, like shit. Next, if only my resentment for them can become enough to overcome my sympathy for them, I'll be better off. Heck, the world would be better off.

The world feels so backwards in so many ways: the wrong people hate themselves, and the wrong people benefit from it.

This is an extremely insightful point you make ToC. I've been thinking much the same thing for a while. Since being on this sight, all I see are beautiful people disappearing before my eyes. Beautiful peope who are in the wrong circumstances, much of the time not due to their own decisions or choices.

 

[notanaccount]

My worth is less than nothing. My worth is garbage no one wants. I wish I could die painfully. Everybody either actively hates me or pretends not to out of politeness. I am a fuck up in everything I try. I deserve to be hurt.