thanks bro for mentioning me, this is a good post that I can somewhat relate indeed.
I'm from Indonesia (40 M). I can somewhat a bit relate with you in the context that I'm still quite privileged, which means I still live quite a comfortable (& even spoiled/pampered life) compared to most people; although sadly I'm nowhere successful at all like you. In fact, my life is a complete total failure (I'm a NEET basically, or semi-hikikomori), and every time I look in the mirror, all I see is just a pathetic loser who should not exist in this world. But I used to live a happy & very privileged life back then when I was still young (my family/parents' financial situations now is also going through hard/difficult times now).
I always love to read posts like this, personally, because it always shows to everyone that even being privileged or successful etc etc it all still doesn't guarantee that you will automatically be happy, or want to live. You can have it all, but still depressed, or even suicidal (celebrities/artists' CTB / suicide cases always come to my mind).
Finally, I can deeply relate also when you've said that you "don't see any point in it, don't know why you're alive, every tiny problem is a giant thing" and that you still feel horrible when you should feel good. I've often posted (& commented) here in this forum about things like Existential Depression (which personally I think is worse than just only a temporary existential crisis), and also Nihilism. I also have experienced these two things, and yes it seriously destroyed & crushed any energy, motivation, & will to live (I still even haven't talked about Pessimism (or Philosophical Pessimism), Antinatalism, Efilism, Promortalism, Depressive Realism, Extinctionism, etc etc). Most people especially in real life (IRL) just don't/can't understand what/how all these things can really, seriously cripple you mentally, to the point that you don't see any point in doing anything anymore, in this meaningless (& shitty) world/life/society/existence/reality. Because most people "normally" rarely or even perhaps never even think 'deeper' things like all those things (people will even think it's just useless & waste of time, energy, & money, especially in today's capitalism era which if it doesn't make money/profits, then it's just useless). People will just spout out some stoic, pragmatic, realistic BS/nonsense, when the fact that it's all really pointless (& shitty), if you really think about it deeply enough. Most people won't get it; Most people don't even care about all these 'useless' thinking (which is ironic, because they don't realize that LIFE or this existence itself IS useless).
