Venting My life is officially over. I'm done.

[olvidame]

I spent the last 27 years of my life doing nothing. Playing videogames, sleeping, skateboarding, just being a bum. Never had a girlfriend, never really touched another human being. Then, just two weeks ago i met a girl in an insane asylum (in Florida they take you there when you're suicidal, it's a law.) and we connected instantly. When we got out, i called her the second i got home and arranged for her to come see me. It was like i was in heaven. I flourished, i was in my natural habitat. I thought i'd be all awkward and weird, but i was fine. I got my first kiss. My first date. My first time having sex, cuddling, literally everything. I fell hard for her. We started making plans, making moves. We went around the city applying for jobs together. Being optimistic, happy, hopeful. Now look at us. I had to break up with her because she wouldn't let go of her ex. We're sort of trying to rebuild, but she's so fucked up over him that it's making it really difficult. She finally left him and moved all of her stuff out of his house recently and she says she's been really fucked up over it since. So now we're just friends. As if that weren't bad enough, only one of the jobs i applied to ever called me back, and it's still in the air if i'm even getting an interview or not. I applied for student financial aid so i can go to a vocational school and learn a trade so i can integrate into society. Nope. Class is full. Come back next year bozo, except i only had 5 months to get on my feet before my Dad forces me to move back to my home country. Yeah, it's over for me. I tried so fucking hard. And i feel stupid for trying, for hoping. I lost everything i thought i had. I'm done with this shit. I don't know how people live past their fucking 30s, they're masochists. They love this shit. Well i don't. I'm going back to the original plan, and that's to laze around until my Dad passes away so i can kill myself and be done with all of this shit. Fuck my life. FUCK ALL OF THIS SHIT. I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I THOUGHT I COULD BE HAPPY. LOL. IT LASTED TWO WEEKS. WHAT A FUCKING JOKE. NEVER AGAIN.

 

[KillingPain267]

 

[iknewitallalong]

I get it.Someone told me I should enjoy the moment and if it ends later on i can just feel stupid and thats fine...but when thats your whole life...its like being stuck in the most tortuous maze

I'm happy for you that you got to experience some nice moments as for me I'm 26 and haven't achieved anything...the pain is so much I have to ctb before I ever do achieve something which I know will take me a long long time considering i'm kind of horrible at everything.


I'm glad life gave you these experiences. Hope it felt amazing because you deserve it.

 

[Labyrinth]

Macabre. I'm exactly like you, I feel pathetic and shit, our only difference is that I haven't had any sexual relations (I'm literally dying because of it). "Living on nonsense until the day comes when I kill myself" is something that often crosses my mind. I hope getting a relationship is life changing (I really have to do this) I'm a little younger than you, but I'm already experiencing a nightmare.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

I'm so sorry it ended that way for you. Crashes are so much harder when you are falling from the top.

 

[emma99]

I spent the last 27 years of my life doing nothing. Playing videogames, sleeping, skateboarding, just being a bum. Never had a girlfriend, never really touched another human being. Then, just two weeks ago i met a girl in an insane asylum (in Florida they take you there when you're suicidal, it's a law.) and we connected instantly. When we got out, i called her the second i got home and arranged for her to come see me. It was like i was in heaven. I flourished, i was in my natural habitat. I thought i'd be all awkward and weird, but i was fine. I got my first kiss. My first date. My first time having sex, cuddling, literally everything. I fell hard for her. We started making plans, making moves. We went around the city applying for jobs together. Being optimistic, happy, hopeful. Now look at us. I had to break up with her because she wouldn't let go of her ex. We're sort of trying to rebuild, but she's so fucked up over him that it's making it really difficult. She finally left him and moved all of her stuff out of his house recently and she says she's been really fucked up over it since. So now we're just friends. As if that weren't bad enough, only one of the jobs i applied to ever called me back, and it's still in the air if i'm even getting an interview or not. I applied for student financial aid so i can go to a vocational school and learn a trade so i can integrate into society. Nope. Class is full. Come back next year bozo, except i only had 5 months to get on my feet before my Dad forces me to move back to my home country. Yeah, it's over for me. I tried so fucking hard. And i feel stupid for trying, for hoping. I lost everything i thought i had. I'm done with this shit. I don't know how people live past their fucking 30s, they're masochists. They love this shit. Well i don't. I'm going back to the original plan, and that's to laze around until my Dad passes away so i can kill myself and be done with all of this shit. Fuck my life. FUCK ALL OF THIS SHIT. I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I THOUGHT I COULD BE HAPPY. LOL. IT LASTED TWO WEEKS. WHAT A FUCKING JOKE. NEVER AGAIN.

I'm so sorry to hear your story.
I can relate a lot.

for me i have had one or two similar situations.
And that is that. as a child i was very much neglected and unloved.
and of course the on the polar end of the scale
I had me peers, some of whom may of been going though similar turmoils.
A lot of whom are now dead, in prison or just fucked up.

then there was the reset of my peers who had alright or good homes.
they were nurtured for and cared for, their strengths developed.

And so you have a huge cohort of people leaving school at 18,
some may have a plan of what they want to do.
others may not, but they have been cared for enough,
that they will have the confidence to care for themselves a good life.

And so as time goes on, those who were nurtured pursue life goals,
hone in their strengths and build happy lives for themselves
whilst those who struggle lie by the wayside.

And then you meet someone and get
a since of what it means to matter for
the first time, and suddenly you start to focus.
but never having experienced this before, you
cant function without that feeling of fulfilment.

I saw a Jordan Peterson video before where he tried to explain how our bodies naturally perform when we are able to set goals, and achieve things in life, and have healthy relationships.

Physically our mental state, under performs in neglected environments.

 

[untothedepths]

sorry you went through that. its really unfair.