Venting My life is horrible, I hate every second of being alive.

[d3ad]

My life is just really horrible. Not only am I mentally ill, I am also physically ill and poor. I am also surrounded by toxic people, both on social media and in real life. I don't have a safe space. This site is the one place where I can express my pain and get support. Do you know how many times I've called crisis lines and got ignored or encountered counsellors who just don't seem to care? I don't know how many times I've had organisations tell me they can't help me with therapy or just straight out ignore me even though they are specifically dedicated to helping people like myself. Heck, even social workers ignore me. I was neglected as a child, and now I am neglected as an adult. I wasn't even asking for much, just help with my mental illness. I'll never forget when a healthcare worker, a nurse to be specific, humiliated me in front of other patients after I told her that I need help with mental illness. That day I was already going through hell as I had lost a bunch of hair out of the blue and my outfit was pretty messed up. I've also pretty much lost everyone that I love. They all just died, out of the blue. Life is torture for me. It also doesn't help that I'm an atheist, surrounded by religious and spiritual extremists. I want to ctb so bad. I wouldn't think twice if I could. I'm just glad that next month I'll be able to buy SN and just leave this horrible world. If it wasn't for you guys, I wouldn't have known that it is possible to end my pain and suffering.

 

[Nicksy]

Some councillors and therapists truly are the worst, aren't they? It astonishes me how people trained to deal with people like us can be at best clueless, at worst, callous.

I'm not quite an atheist, more of an agnostic, but I sometimes wish I believed in something. I know a few deeply religious people that just seem to have it all together, or are able to cope beautifully even when their world is crashing around them. Not a single one is in the camp that would push it on you, and as far as I know none are bigoted at all.

Do you ever find yourself wishing you did believe? Cheesus, I sound like I'm about to start a spiel on some fucked up church

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Sorry OP for you to have gone through all of that, why would all those people be acting like that towards you though? But then the people who you have described seems to lack common decency and tbh most people just have these jobs for money not to really help.

I had an incredible therapist a few years ago and a great care coordinator she truly wanted to help me and she was great to me. I also had some lovely staff when I was hospitalised a few years ago that when my ex and former male friend had called this guy who had been on my phone to speak badly about me she told me immediately and advised me not to add more people on that phone for a while as she didn't want those stories to be in my ward ( she was one of those people who was honest and told me everything that was going on and she told me then she understood me and that she trusted me because I had told her everything that had led to that point) She also confirmed that she knew the rumours and stories of what was being said about me.

I remember even our occupational health lady saying how she was proud of me on how far I had come and she always used to do some checks with me almost on a daily basis and she used to tell me she knew I was smart etc because of some of the things I had done in that hospital etc.
And I will forever remember them for listening and talking and asking why I did what I did without any judgment.

I have had people who broke confidentiality and this is wrong on so many levels but then I have learn that I will only say and my most important advice would be just to keep things to yourself.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry. This is what infuriates me the most really. People are always being told to reach out for help. Yet- it seems like for a lot of people here- the 'help' just simply hasn't been available- or- hasn't been effective. I'm sorry you have had so many bad experiences.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

If it wasn't for you guys, I wouldn't have known that it is possible to end my pain and suffering.

I'm sorry what you have to go through. The "help" that is is offered out there isn't really "help" at all., unfortunately. It's just sayin' "it's gettin' better, don't do it stop it or whatever" it's not gonna help, it doesn't address the actual problem one may have. And that is as indivdual as each person is. I'm so sorry I can't present a solution to your personal problem right away and I'm not in the state do it right now. But you are lucky to have found this place where everyone understands each others without judgement! And that , and only that helps a lot already with ones problems.

 

[Terrible00]

I really despise toxic people, they are nothing but pests to push someone down. I'm also an atheist, and I can relate to that you feel different from other people, and even that some people like to peck on atheists for simply not believing in something, I've noticed this alot and it has gone so far so even friends do so. I hope you can find peace if you ever decide to go on the other side.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing really is so torturous and I understand that it's so awful when existing here just continues to get worse, there certainly is too much suffering in existing and it's really understandable wishing to be free from it all. The reality is that humans are very self centred, this species is just awful in general and you cannot rely on other people, but in general I just think that existence is just a horrific mistake, I understand why you would feel so relieved at the thought of being gone. I think that those who are able to get SN in this world where it's becoming more and more difficult to access certainly are fortunate.