Venting my life is going downhill again

[StrawberrySuicide]

i just need somewhere to vent because i don't know where else to do it. i was doing alright for a while. my mental health wasn't perfect but it was manageable and i still had a desire to live, but now i just can't do it anymore. there had been a lot of drama within my friend group and it feels like everything is falling apart. i cut contact with my best friend a while ago 'cause they did something pretty shitty and i wasn't upset about it for a while but then they texted me again the other day and that's when it hit me that i actually won't ever have my best friend again. you know how it's easy to hate someone when you only focus on the negative? that's how i was viewing my ex friend for a while but it just now kind of hit that i won't ever be able to hang out with them or see them in the same light that i used to. i was already pretty stressed anyways due to just life and responsibilities but that kind of pushed me over the edge and i'm at my limit. i ended up getting high the other day just to deal with the stress and now all of my friends are freaking the fuck out and it's just stressing me out more. one of my friends i opened up to and specifically told them multiple times not to tell anyone else, and she told at least 2 other people about it and one of my other friends basically told me that they'd stop being my friend if i ever got high again. i'm fucking pissed at both of them! i just feel betrayed by them. also i realized the other day that my new best friend, doesn't consider me to be one of their best friends or even a close friend, just a good friend. i had trusted them and opened up to them a lot so it really stung that they don't really consider me that close at all. they have so many other friends that are more important than me to them. on top of all that, i realize that i'm also drifting apart from some of my older friends to the point that we're basically just acquaintances now and, worst of all, i feel like me and my girlfriend have been drifting apart too. we aren't texting as often and our conversations feel dry and forced. i don't know if it's just me but i feel this sort if awkwardness during our conversations too and it's making me wonder if our personalities don't mesh as well as they used to. i don't know if i can take this. it feels like all of a sudden all of my friendships are falling apart

 

[strawberry_lemons]

im sorry your drifting from those you care about and that they often dont feel the same as you. its a coin flip on whether or not someone will care and sometimes you just get the same face for awhile but there will be a tails eventually. find something you can love in the meantime because lonilness is awful yes but i bet you are just as wonderful on your own as in a group. this wont ease the pain of having people you care about leave, nothing will but time. if you ever need to talk im here <3

 

[FuneralCry]

I just believe that most other people cannot be trusted and relied on, it's awful how other people can very easily make existing even worse. But anyway best wishes, it must be tiring what you are going through.