Venting My life is finally falling apart

[progressingdeath]

My partner and I frequently break up and then wake up and we're together again for ruining our trust. This is entirely my fault and I do have good times quite often practically every day. However it's gotten to the point that I am accused of doing things that I'm not doing, we are deeply in love with each other, and we'll never stop trying. We know it's toxic, I feel like we are just waiting for each other to leave or for us to finally kill ourselves.

We've spoken about dying together and I think it's truly romantic and a very sick and twisted way but I honestly don't know what to do. We both feel like we are at and going to a point/path in our life where there isn't much we can do to go forward but at the same time we're not entirely miserable because we have each other and we make each other hang on and hope for the future. The only way I feel like I can truly just end it all is if I lost him because if I did I'd have absolutely nothing nowhere to live no one to love me and no one who cares since everyone at life has just shown me that they either just want to use me because I'm vulnerable and weak or they just can't deal with me. He saved me from sex trafficking and he saved me from my mother who doesn't care about anything I do and now I finally have a job and a life and I'm building with him but neither of us really know what we can do since we're at odds of what the truth is and because he doesn't know what the truth is and doesn't believe me it doesn't look like you can move on but you still hang on. I don't know what to do but my life would be nothing without him. We have both almost successfully committed suicide only being ruined by someone intervening before losing consciousness. I don't know what to do I sort of just feel comfortable with where I am and I feel myself striving less and less to get on with my life. I really just want him in my life

 

[progressingdeath]

Any words of encouragement?

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Honestly this story speaks to me

Toxic relationship in which both partners love and care for eachother

Feeling you owe your life to them yet they take advantage of that fact

Should you too die together go seperate ways or would one die and the other live

Honestly i don't know the ins and outs of your situation and lifes to comment but if you'd like to discuss or tell me in more detail I'm happy to do so in dm's as personally i somewhat relate and feel for your situation and the romantic idea of dying together has crossed my mind also

 

[progressingdeath]

Honestly this story speaks to me

Toxic relationship in which both partners love and care for eachother

Feeling you owe your life to them yet they take advantage of that fact

Should you too die together go seperate ways or would one die and the other live

Honestly i don't know the ins and outs of your situation and lifes to comment but if you'd like to discuss or tell me in more detail I'm happy to do so in dm's as personally i somewhat relate and feel for your situation and the romantic idea of dying together has crossed my mind also

I'd love to. I'll reach out to you in dns if I don't dieblb igjb in my sleep from hwroin

 

[todiefor]

My partner and I frequently break up and then wake up and we're together again for ruining our trust. This is entirely my fault and I do have good times quite often practically every day. However it's gotten to the point that I am accused of doing things that I'm not doing, we are deeply in love with each other, and we'll never stop trying. We know it's toxic, I feel like we are just waiting for each other to leave or for us to finally kill ourselves.

We've spoken about dying together and I think it's truly romantic and a very sick and twisted way but I honestly don't know what to do. We both feel like we are at and going to a point/path in our life where there isn't much we can do to go forward but at the same time we're not entirely miserable because we have each other and we make each other hang on and hope for the future. The only way I feel like I can truly just end it all is if I lost him because if I did I'd have absolutely nothing nowhere to live no one to love me and no one who cares since everyone at life has just shown me that they either just want to use me because I'm vulnerable and weak or they just can't deal with me. He saved me from sex trafficking and he saved me from my mother who doesn't care about anything I do and now I finally have a job and a life and I'm building with him but neither of us really know what we can do since we're at odds of what the truth is and because he doesn't know what the truth is and doesn't believe me it doesn't look like you can move on but you still hang on. I don't know what to do but my life would be nothing without him. We have both almost successfully committed suicide only being ruined by someone intervening before losing consciousness. I don't know what to do I sort of just feel comfortable with where I am and I feel myself striving less and less to get on with my life. I really just want him in my life

This is heart breaking I'm really sorry, I'm not actually sure what to say, but it seems like in some sense you are both very good for each other, never stop trying is really admirable and seems like what you both need in your lives. I don't know what the toxicity is but I think if you both can try to be strong for each other and overtime it will make both of you stronger together. It seems like that is alot to live for, there seem to be a lot of beauty in it

 

[SMmetalhead36]

Wow! . As far as being trafficking, I cannot imagine the hell you had to endure dealing with that. Regarding the story based on the toxicity you face in your relationship, I also face similar things in my marriage even though we have one child together an adult step daughter and a stepdaughter close to being an adult. Despite the fact the trauma of physical, sexual, and verbal abuse I faced in childhood and domestic violence I faced in adulthood often interfere, I know he loves me but he has a fucked up way of showing it. He's not an affectionate person, when people are around, if I try to hug him he pushes me away, but behind closed doors it's a different story. If I talk to him about it, he flips it on me, if I cry I walk in the rain, cry in the car, or in the shower so he doesn't see, because I can't show him. This on top of the past trauma along with regret and guilt caused my recent attempt. I feel like he's all I know we've shared so many years and he's helped me get through school and stayed with me when others left me when I hit rock bottom, but I came to conclusion he'll never love me like I want to be loved but he's all I know so, I understand you completely wanting him in your life.