Venting My life is a literal tragic comedy

[alotofcookiesandmilk]

Today I (22m) just lost my job of 3 years since starting work life. Got the worst possible hours in my dead end retail job for the next year. Talked to the boss about it and explained that I won't make it economically with the hours given to me and asked if I'm allowed to work another job on the side, which I wasnt due to "being less flexible". Asked why the new inexperienced personell had gotten more and better hours and why I got worse. Didn't get an explanation. He just said sorry and offered to be my reference if I "decided to quit". Didn't have any choice so now I have to a) ctb or b) start looking for a new better paying job so I atleast can live paycheck to paycheck. It's probably gonna be b) because I'm a pathetic fucking coward. Idk abt the US but in my country it's difficult to get fired unless you fuck up real bad. Instead managers give their employees shitty hours with the hope that they'll resign by themselves. I guess it worked. Will talk to another manager on the phone tomorrow, his suggestion. Don't know what I'll get out of it though. It's already done.

I have no friends because I don't know how to talk to people, have never been able to. Somehow managed to get a partner, who had no other intention than to abuse me physically and psychologically for two years. Been scared of letting people get close to me ever since I managed to break up with him after he threatened to kill me and my mother. I can't bring myself to even hook up with anyone because I hate everything about my body. If I'd see myself walking down the street I'd beat myself the fuck up.

Had a huge fight over the phone with my dad in 2018 due to family issues, where he told me in the exact words how I'm a fucking loser that will never achieve anything in my life because I'm a fuckup that unfortunately happened. He still to this day has not apologised, only tried to compensate for it by acting extra nice and like nothing has happened. I could tell he felt bad, but he's never owned up to it. And because I have no self respect I've just kind of accepted it. I still see and talk to him, but it's all changed from that day. I feel bad because I can tell he's trying his hardest. But that's no excuse. Idfk. Worst thing is that he wasn't wrong and slowly realising that over the years.

My only friend, the only one I talk to on snapchat, doesn't even like me, he's just lonely too and has no other option. I know he's talked trash about me in school and with some others and I can tell he means it. I've stopped writing first, but he still writes sometimes, don't know why. But as I said, I have zero self respect so I always respond. We also get drunk and high together sometimes.

Been going to a therapist who I can tell is just as tired of hearing my complaining as I am of living. Stopped going after a few months. On antidepressants and anxiety meds, but they're not working.

I've only gotten more and more hateful towards people in general over the years. I always think terrible things about strangers passing by, on a personal level. But atleast I know I'm no better, we are all egotistical and narcissistic fucking parasites and the world would be better off if we were all dead.

I'm gonna do what I know is the wrong thing to do right now, and that is to get as drunk as I can possibly get. If were to die of alcohol poisoning then I definitely deserve it.

I guess life isn't for everyone. Thanks for reading I guess. Lol.

 

[Celerity]

Retail sucks. I just got shafted on hours too. If it makes you feel any better, they'll eventually do it to the newbies too. The new-hires always get more hours so that they can be trained and also to lull them into a sense of complacency.

I'm sorry to hear about your home life and your lonely existence. I resonated with a lot of what you had to say. I have acquaintances through work but have given up at the moment on trying to find actual friends. As for my family, the worst years are behind me, but my dad has said similar fucked up shit to me and never really apologized for it either. Our dads sound like they're cut from the same cloth.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm sorry about your situation and hope you can find a job better than the one you had very quickly. No one deserves to be treated like that. And yes, here in the US, employers pull that same BS. I guess it makes no difference where you live. There's a lot of ageism, too, where employers purposely won't higher older people, although it's supposed to be illegal. They just come up with another reason.

 

[Ultracheese]

I'm sorry that you're so lonely and about your job solution. Your feelings of frustration are totally understandable. Dead end retail jobs are often stocked with managers who could care less about you and seem like they're always out to get you. There's so much of a high turnover rate because to them employees are just machines, nothing more. Sending hugs and wishing you good luck with whatever you decide to do next.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do believe that it's true that life is not for everyone, at least it certainly has never been for me. It must be really tiring what you are going through, to me this existence does just seem to be endless problems with no real relief from suffering. But I wish you the best in whatever happens going forward.