Venting My life is a joke

[alexK]

I feel like my blood is boiling inside I'm so angry and depressed. I fucking hate my life I hate this country I hate my family I hate the prison I'm stuck in that I call home. Everyday I have to endure all kinds of abuse.. they constantly try to make me feel worthless.. everyday they try to push me to commit suicide. They tell me I'm a burden, a failure, a criminal, a snake, a filthy dog, a rotten piece of useless garbage etc. I'm so ready to end my life and get it all over with. But part of me doesn't want to lose the fight against these people. Why should I kill myself? I'm not the asshole. I hate being stuck in this shithole. There's no way out for me except death. The death of me or the death of them all. I get blamed for shit I didn't do I get yelled at for existing. I get told I'm useless just cus I sleep. They expect me to be a maid for them. Yesterday I said I wish god would take me already and one of them said oh yeah don't kill yourself just wait for god to take you and bring you rest and everyone else laughed... so one of them said if it was me I wouldn't wait for god I'll just hang myself in the ceiling fan hahaha and everyone else laughed. Yup they tell me to kill myself cus I tried before and they use that against me now. That's the kinda shit I have to deal with on a daily basis. And now my internet connection is gonna be terminated and they will most likely never renew my subscription. Meanwhile I'll just keep wishing death will do us apart ASAP. Wish they all die in a fire or a car crash wish they catch corona and die a slow and painful death for everything they put me through all these years

 

[Shinbu]

I used to have family problems when I was a kid, mostly it was caused by my step dad, it got all better when he left to do drugs, and forget about us forever. It was nowhere severe as your story, but I did deal with hardships he was abusive to us. They shouldn't be doing that to you. A family is supposed to love each other. I only had one bad family member, I can't imagine all of them being bad, I hope you are doing okay. Is there a way for you to escape from there, like moving out?

 

[Sensei]

You're right, you shouldn't kill yourself, because you're not the offender. Is there no way you can get away from that toxic environment except ending your life?

 

[WinterFaust]

My heart aches for you. I grew up with a toxic mother and it was awful and really messed me up. I can't even imagine having everyone constantly treat you this way. You are so deserving of love, kindness, and respect. They don't deserve you at all. I imagine that the pandemic is making things even more difficult for you. Of course your life is your choice but it sounds like you haven't had an opportunity to live for yourself and be free yet. Is there anyway that you may be able to move or get away once things settle down globally? I truly hate that you're suffering like this.

 

[Alec]

All of this sounds horrifying!!! I too have very toxic family and people around me, but certainly not as bad as yours! IM SO SORRY!!! I'm sorry you have to deal with pieces of trash like that! From what you said they sound like completely vile garbage of human beings!!! I too used to be in a country that I hated, I got lucky and was able to leave it, but I'm sorry you are leaving your hell!!! I know I can't offer you much but I want to say this, it sounds to me like you are incredibly STRONG PERSON!!! I have no idea how you are fighting all that, you are unbelievably strong!!! And you are right, you are not wrong-they are wrong and they are being horrible and aren't worth the time, attention effort. THEY ARE USELESS!!! Not you!!! I want you to know I'm with you and I'm thinking about you, and whatever you decide to do I understand and respect your decision!! If you choose suicide-remember, it's not about them, it's because you want to free yourself and stop your pain, it's not because you are loosing a fight against them, it's because you are incredibly strong and are willing to do anything to stop the pain and free yourself! It's about you choosing something you believe is the best for you, it's not about them! And I'm so sorry they made fun of your previous suicide attempt, that behavior is so disgusting it makes me want to vomit!! I'm so sorry!!! I love you forever!!!