So this is my first post here and it's a long one sorry to say. I found out about this site amidst the NYT debauchery and decided to do some digging. I'm glad I found this site. I hope I don't regret this.
I know the title sounds goofy as shit and that's because it kind of is. Idk, I didn't want to put "I am sexually attracted to nonhuman animals and want to die as a result". It's a mouthful and probably not great for engagement.
But yea, that's essentially what's going on. Specifically, I've been attracted to dogs my whole life and recently (within the last two years) realized that I'm attracted to cats as well. When I was younger, I had to pretend to be afraid of dogs so I wouldn't have to interact with them. I am a freak of nature and hate that fact. You might say that people used to have sex with animals hundreds of years ago and that the feelings are valid to have but not act upon (at the very least that's what my sexologist told me). My response to that would be, we stopped acting upon that behavior for a reason; it's revolting. To even think about it is revolting. To act upon it would be unspeakable.
To be clear, I've never had sex with a nonhuman animal and have absolutely no desire to. I don't even masturbate to them doing sexual things. All it takes is one running around a room or yard for me. On the other hand, I've had sex with a person before (completely consensual so no worries there), but have never masturabted to one, save for maybe a handful of times I tried out of sheer desperation.
I mentioned my sexologist earlier. Has anybody else seen a sexologist? If so, what did they teach you? Mine primarily taught me about strategies of "phasing out" nonhuman animals for people, but they sadly didn't work. I haven't been to see her in months. This kind of brings me to my next point.
I'm tired of talking to doctors and adults about my situation. I've been to four different mental health doctors in my life. Granted, the first three were for depression and social anxiety. Even so, doctors will only offer you the "professional" perspective and will not relate to you on the same level as someone who has no stake in it (doctors have a stake in it because they make money and gain business by helping you). That's not to say that they don't have their merits, but you won't get the full perspective from doctors alone.
I told my parents and very much regret it. Not because they've shunned me or anything else like that. They're willing to offer all the support in the world. However, our relationship has been irrevocably altered. Now, every time I see them, we talk about it for at least 40 mins. I know they're just trying to help, but it's exhausting. I've told them to back off somewhat but only my mom has listened.
I am 21 years old and would like to be able to relate to or tell somebody around my age. Naturally, that is MUCH easier said than done. I'd imagine not even doctors necessarily want to hear about this stuff, and they get PAID for it.
I have a best friend that I am thinking of telling, but still can't bring myself to do so. She's just about the only really good friend I have left. We have fairly frequent conversations about her troubles and trauma, and she often asks me if I have anything I want to talk about. I've told her that there is and that I'm not ready to talk about it yet. Thankfully, she respects that. Naturally, I'm exceedingly anxious about what she would say or do if she knew. It's worth mentioning that she has a cat and on the whole loves them (platonically). What would you do?
Beyond that, an even bigger concern of mine is that it won't matter anyways. Let's say I did tell her. Let's say she still accepts me by some miracle. Would that really make me feel better? Or do I only think that would make me feel better?
I know that other people have grown to be okay with this part of themselves. I don't want to be okay with this part of myself. I want it to be gone completely. I want to be able to have sexual experiences with human beings, unhindered by my conflicting libido. However, I've been told by my sexologist and then the Internet that that's unreasonable. It's too late to 100% change my preferences from nonhuman animals to humans. My nonhuman sexual attraction will always be there to some degree, and I absolutely fucking despite that.
There are many people on this website and others that have found some sort of solace in their pets. God, do I envy you guys. I read many stories of people that come home from shitty days and cuddle up with their dog,cat,etc. Some of them state that their pets are their only reason for living. I have no such luxury. That's not meant to be a comparative judgement, I'm just saying that I can't afford to have a pet waiting for me at home out of fear of what I might do to them. I know I said that I have no desire to have sex with a nonhuman animal, but who knows how that could change with time if I had a pet of my own. It's not a chance worth taking.
I really want to platonically, and only platonically, love animals. I've tried several times with my friend's pets throughout the years. However, it only ends up arousing me to the point where I have to go to the bathroom and pretend to shit while I wait for my boner to go down. I only pray that none of them have noticed.
As you can no doubt imagine, this causes an insane amount of dysphoria in day to day life. Here's another example. I dorm fairly close to Central Park and can't go there because so many people are always there with their dogs. And from what I can tell, they're the type that think it's okay for their dogs to just come up to you as they please. Not only is that rude, but it's also REALLY bad for me.
Sometimes I think about the future as well. I hope to someday find someone to settle down with, as most people do. Most people are platonic animal lovers of some sort. You can already see the issue here. Let's say I fall in love with someone and they fall in love with me. Would they be able to live without a pet or pets in order to accommodate for my freakishness? Furthermore, is it even right of me to ask them to do so? To get rid of a staple of their lives just because I can't handle it?
The only surefire solution I can think of is for me to die. My sexual tendencies will never be completely eradicated no matter how much I try. Therefore, it doesn't seem like it's worth trying. As I said at the start, I'm a freak of nature. Many of the problems in my life lie with me and nobody else. So, wouldn't the best solution be to remove the common denominator?
I'm not quite sure on that answer. If I was, I probably wouldn't be breathing and would be unable to write this post. I am genuinely unsure about what keeps me alive nowadays. I lost pretty much all of my friends last year and only have a remaining few. My personal hygiene has taken a significant hit as well. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling listening to music for hours. I don't feed myself when I should. In fact, it's about 5pm est at the time of writing this post and I haven't left my room nor eaten yet. Haven't had anything to drink except coffee. Haven't brushed my teeth. Haven't showered. I smoke a lot of nicotine and weed. I'll probably get high after posting this to be honest. Unfortunately, these aren't new occurrences. Maybe my thinking is that if I don't take care of myself, I'll die quicker.
You may think, "well if you're that miserable and you want to die, then just die already."Actually, I don't think you guys think that. At least, not in those exact words; not from what I've gathered so far from this site. Which is why I've chosen this place to be the first place that I publicly talk about my situation. Even if you did think that, I couldn't answer it anyways. Just as I'm genuinely unsure about what keeps me alive, I'm genuinely unsure about what keeps me from dying. I feel as though I'm in a state of limbo and I'm just waiting to snap and end it all one of these days. The GW Bridge seems like it could be nice.
I guess that's about it. If you have any questions, feel free to post them below. If you have similar experiences, feel free to share them. I know I'm not unique in my issues, and this is a venting post after all.
I know the title sounds goofy as shit and that's because it kind of is. Idk, I didn't want to put "I am sexually attracted to nonhuman animals and want to die as a result". It's a mouthful and probably not great for engagement.
But yea, that's essentially what's going on. Specifically, I've been attracted to dogs my whole life and recently (within the last two years) realized that I'm attracted to cats as well. When I was younger, I had to pretend to be afraid of dogs so I wouldn't have to interact with them. I am a freak of nature and hate that fact. You might say that people used to have sex with animals hundreds of years ago and that the feelings are valid to have but not act upon (at the very least that's what my sexologist told me). My response to that would be, we stopped acting upon that behavior for a reason; it's revolting. To even think about it is revolting. To act upon it would be unspeakable.
To be clear, I've never had sex with a nonhuman animal and have absolutely no desire to. I don't even masturbate to them doing sexual things. All it takes is one running around a room or yard for me. On the other hand, I've had sex with a person before (completely consensual so no worries there), but have never masturabted to one, save for maybe a handful of times I tried out of sheer desperation.
I mentioned my sexologist earlier. Has anybody else seen a sexologist? If so, what did they teach you? Mine primarily taught me about strategies of "phasing out" nonhuman animals for people, but they sadly didn't work. I haven't been to see her in months. This kind of brings me to my next point.
I'm tired of talking to doctors and adults about my situation. I've been to four different mental health doctors in my life. Granted, the first three were for depression and social anxiety. Even so, doctors will only offer you the "professional" perspective and will not relate to you on the same level as someone who has no stake in it (doctors have a stake in it because they make money and gain business by helping you). That's not to say that they don't have their merits, but you won't get the full perspective from doctors alone.
I told my parents and very much regret it. Not because they've shunned me or anything else like that. They're willing to offer all the support in the world. However, our relationship has been irrevocably altered. Now, every time I see them, we talk about it for at least 40 mins. I know they're just trying to help, but it's exhausting. I've told them to back off somewhat but only my mom has listened.
I am 21 years old and would like to be able to relate to or tell somebody around my age. Naturally, that is MUCH easier said than done. I'd imagine not even doctors necessarily want to hear about this stuff, and they get PAID for it.
I have a best friend that I am thinking of telling, but still can't bring myself to do so. She's just about the only really good friend I have left. We have fairly frequent conversations about her troubles and trauma, and she often asks me if I have anything I want to talk about. I've told her that there is and that I'm not ready to talk about it yet. Thankfully, she respects that. Naturally, I'm exceedingly anxious about what she would say or do if she knew. It's worth mentioning that she has a cat and on the whole loves them (platonically). What would you do?
Beyond that, an even bigger concern of mine is that it won't matter anyways. Let's say I did tell her. Let's say she still accepts me by some miracle. Would that really make me feel better? Or do I only think that would make me feel better?
I know that other people have grown to be okay with this part of themselves. I don't want to be okay with this part of myself. I want it to be gone completely. I want to be able to have sexual experiences with human beings, unhindered by my conflicting libido. However, I've been told by my sexologist and then the Internet that that's unreasonable. It's too late to 100% change my preferences from nonhuman animals to humans. My nonhuman sexual attraction will always be there to some degree, and I absolutely fucking despite that.
There are many people on this website and others that have found some sort of solace in their pets. God, do I envy you guys. I read many stories of people that come home from shitty days and cuddle up with their dog,cat,etc. Some of them state that their pets are their only reason for living. I have no such luxury. That's not meant to be a comparative judgement, I'm just saying that I can't afford to have a pet waiting for me at home out of fear of what I might do to them. I know I said that I have no desire to have sex with a nonhuman animal, but who knows how that could change with time if I had a pet of my own. It's not a chance worth taking.
I really want to platonically, and only platonically, love animals. I've tried several times with my friend's pets throughout the years. However, it only ends up arousing me to the point where I have to go to the bathroom and pretend to shit while I wait for my boner to go down. I only pray that none of them have noticed.
As you can no doubt imagine, this causes an insane amount of dysphoria in day to day life. Here's another example. I dorm fairly close to Central Park and can't go there because so many people are always there with their dogs. And from what I can tell, they're the type that think it's okay for their dogs to just come up to you as they please. Not only is that rude, but it's also REALLY bad for me.
Sometimes I think about the future as well. I hope to someday find someone to settle down with, as most people do. Most people are platonic animal lovers of some sort. You can already see the issue here. Let's say I fall in love with someone and they fall in love with me. Would they be able to live without a pet or pets in order to accommodate for my freakishness? Furthermore, is it even right of me to ask them to do so? To get rid of a staple of their lives just because I can't handle it?
The only surefire solution I can think of is for me to die. My sexual tendencies will never be completely eradicated no matter how much I try. Therefore, it doesn't seem like it's worth trying. As I said at the start, I'm a freak of nature. Many of the problems in my life lie with me and nobody else. So, wouldn't the best solution be to remove the common denominator?
I'm not quite sure on that answer. If I was, I probably wouldn't be breathing and would be unable to write this post. I am genuinely unsure about what keeps me alive nowadays. I lost pretty much all of my friends last year and only have a remaining few. My personal hygiene has taken a significant hit as well. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling listening to music for hours. I don't feed myself when I should. In fact, it's about 5pm est at the time of writing this post and I haven't left my room nor eaten yet. Haven't had anything to drink except coffee. Haven't brushed my teeth. Haven't showered. I smoke a lot of nicotine and weed. I'll probably get high after posting this to be honest. Unfortunately, these aren't new occurrences. Maybe my thinking is that if I don't take care of myself, I'll die quicker.
You may think, "well if you're that miserable and you want to die, then just die already."Actually, I don't think you guys think that. At least, not in those exact words; not from what I've gathered so far from this site. Which is why I've chosen this place to be the first place that I publicly talk about my situation. Even if you did think that, I couldn't answer it anyways. Just as I'm genuinely unsure about what keeps me alive, I'm genuinely unsure about what keeps me from dying. I feel as though I'm in a state of limbo and I'm just waiting to snap and end it all one of these days. The GW Bridge seems like it could be nice.
I guess that's about it. If you have any questions, feel free to post them below. If you have similar experiences, feel free to share them. I know I'm not unique in my issues, and this is a venting post after all.
