W

want to die 25

Member
May 8, 2019
34
That's it.
I prepared nearly everything for my last trip. On Tusday it will be the end.
I thought of different methods. But on the end it will be hanging.

I want to share some thoughts and wishes that I have for the world.
But first let me say that I managed to let all hate behind me. On the end it was more easy than I thought.

To understand what I want to say I must put some informations of me again in. But I don't want really to be about me. It's just more easy because I know my situation best.

Sometimes there was Disscutions in Germany about if it really harm children if you hit them a little. I hope that more people understand yes it does.
And more than just a little.
I don't understand how it's OK to say if a child do not clean the room or something like that you can hit it. You would do the same to an adult?
Children are even weaker than adults. So we should be even more carefully, but it ends up to do the opposite.

If a child hits a child it's hurts and is not good. But if a adult does it it's even worse. Children feel helpless and so bad that I can't even express it.
This causes weakness never straight. And this can go in to directions. Either in depression or in hating others.
There are some that overcome this. I have respect for this people that really manage to survive child abouse.
If it goes to hate the person eventually do things to hurt others. And so on. It's only possible to stop it when we stop to tread others if children or adults in a better way.

I was lucky in one point that someone helped me to overcome the hate. And this showed me that everyone can change something.
Sometimes it was just a friendly word or a smile that could help me through the day.

It's not enough really to live. Not if you suffer from the problems I and sadly much more people have.
But maybe it will help somebody else.

And know about the people that should help in this situations.
Sadly in my situation they failed. My parents admit that they hit me and some other things. The judge said it's not child abouse even when there was pictures from wounds.
Because my parents didn't know what to do with a difficult child like me.
That was one big point in my life when I lost my last hope.
Not just that they didn't help me. They said it's my fault. Everyone I bag never give a child the fault of abouse. Seriously never ever.
There is nothing a child can do to deserve to be treated like trash. We shouldn't forget that we are all humans.

This is my biggest wish. And if somehow the post helps even one more person to understand how important it is to stop child abuse it had at least a little sense that I suffered.

I also believe that the only way to reduce suicide is to reduce the situations that make people to suffer. If it's to a special point it's to late to help.

I write only one situation. There are many other things that someone can do. For example to go against bully...

It would be a list without ending. But basically it's to reduce hate.

I know it's a bit long. But if you read till the end I thank you for listening.

I wish all of you everything good. What ever path you choose.
 
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Halo13

Halo13

Wizard
May 9, 2019
671
I relate to your thoughts very much. I hope you find the peace you are seeking. Whichever path you choose, I hope your pain and suffering ends. Have a good rest.
 
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R

rata1

Arcanist
May 8, 2019
448
I wish you good luck and that you find the peace and the hateless world you and we probably all look for on the other side!
 
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H

Honigwaffel

Student
Apr 9, 2019
154
Wishing you safe travels and I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

Ich habe mich beim lesen deiner Nachricht an ein Gedicht von Rilke erinnert und würde es gerne zitieren:

Die Blätter fallen, fallen wie von weit,
als welkten in den Himmeln ferne Gärten;
sie fallen mit verneinender Gebärde.

Und in den Nächten fällt die schwere Erde
aus allen Sternen in die Einsamkeit.

Wir alle fallen. Diese Hand da fällt.
Und sieh dir andre an: es ist in allen.

Und doch ist Einer, welcher dieses Fallen
unendlich sanft in seinen Händen hält.
 
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Painpleasure

Painpleasure

Student
Apr 9, 2019
108
Depart well my friend...
 
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ZomGuy

ZomGuy

Member
Mar 1, 2019
86
This world really isn't the way it should be. Sadly suicide is still a taboo topic but at the same time many people won't stop doing things which lead to suicides of others. This disregard proves that this world is a really messed up place imo. I'm so sorry that you've had to suffer so much. I wish you the best and hope you find peace.
 
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JadedGray

JadedGray

Life Eternal
Jul 24, 2018
991
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. Peace be with you on your eventual journey.
 
H

Hotsackage

Enlightened
Mar 11, 2019
1,027
Make sure you know what you're doing with hanging. It's hard execute properly
Gl in your travels
 
W

want to die 25

Member
May 8, 2019
34
Thank you for all this posts its so nice to have this good wishes with me.
And it's nice that you understand me.

Make sure you know what you're doing with hanging. It's hard execute properly
Gl in your travels

Thanks I made some experience to test out how to get quickly unconscious.
I trained and prepared the last days. Till Tuesday I will be an expert. I read all threads and look in the moment videos about it.
 
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R

rata1

Arcanist
May 8, 2019
448
good luck then. i'm convinced you will do it. good luck!
 
W

want to die 25

Member
May 8, 2019
34
I will. But because of a reason that I can't write here I have to do it a few days later.

It feels so wrong when I found this out today in the morning. I'm so depressed. I can't handle. It's like I want to die because I can't do it right in this moment. It really kills me.
It's just a few days more. But even this seems to be impossible to handle.
I can't cry since many years. But I would like to do it now.

I probably will try to sleep now.

Did I say how sad I'm. Feels like I don't have the words for it. So stupid. I hate live.
 
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Halo13

Halo13

Wizard
May 9, 2019
671
I will. But because of a reason that I can't write here I have to do it a few days later.

It feels so wrong when I found this out today in the morning. I'm so depressed. I can't handle. It's like I want to die because I can't do it right in this moment. It really kills me.
It's just a few days more. But even this seems to be impossible to handle.
I can't cry since many years. But I would like to do it now.

I probably will try to sleep now.

Did I say how sad I'm. Feels like I don't have the words for it. So stupid. I hate live.
My heart goes out to you. Try to get some rest. Hugs.
 
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D

dienow

Member
May 17, 2019
5
Danke das du deine Gedanken mit uns teilst. Ich habe dir vorhin auch auf deinen Post von gestern Abend geantwortet. Wenn ich deine Gedanken lese, glaube ich das es gut passen könnte. wenn du mir schreibst würde ich mich freuen. vll sind wir gar nicht weit voneinander entfernt.
 
M

Mogley26

Student
Apr 10, 2019
181
I will. But because of a reason that I can't write here I have to do it a few days later.

It feels so wrong when I found this out today in the morning. I'm so depressed. I can't handle. It's like I want to die because I can't do it right in this moment. It really kills me.
It's just a few days more. But even this seems to be impossible to handle.
I can't cry since many years. But I would like to do it now.

I probably will try to sleep now.

Did I say how sad I'm. Feels like I don't have the words for it. So stupid. I hate live.
I've been thinking about you. Not sure if you r day has come yet. Waiting for the moment is challenging.
 
mentionized1

mentionized1

Member
Apr 13, 2019
43
It's been confirmed that she's no longer alive. Rest in peace. :aw:
 
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JoeFailure

Mage
Apr 29, 2019
574
I hope she found peace but that's really sad. She seemed like a good person.

I don't know if she was only 25 as well like it says in her name but man that's young. I wish something could have changed for her.