Venting my irl best friend wants to take a break because of..?

[overmorrow]

I felt nice today, I went out to have a walk, and after many dodges and refuses to hang out(which she understands why, and I'm glad)

she just "drags" me to our usual spot, and keeps trying to make me vent or smt whatever

the juice is this; "I can't be close, or affectionate with someone that is actively trying to kill themselves, over a number on a scale" and "i should recover, not for her, or people around me, but for myself"

she keeps saying I'm wasting away, and I can't be helped if i don't want to be helped bla bla

isn't love and friendship supposed to be on personality, or behavior, and not each other problem's?

for some reason, her words really hurt me, they are true, but i just wish she'd see it from my eyes, what's wrong with me having anorexia? it's not afflicting anyone but me)??

I'm fine, I'm the same as every other year, my personality hasn't changed, why does it feel like she is trying to find an excuse to hate me? or make me get guilty?

I don't even try or initiate hanging out or texts, it's her doing everything, idk, really, this makes me feel so miserable, and binged because of it on 2k kcals, someone shoot me dead please