My introduction

[TheEgg]

My introduction,

I'm 37 and my English it's not very good, so sorry in advance.

Well I'm here because of a broken heart, an empty soul and no vision to my future.

I was in a 9 year relation and I broke up, some things happened and she even took some of my money from the bank, you think you know a person... It was heartbroken but I met this girl that I am with for the last 5 years.
It was a good relation and it was getting better. She was thinking of a job in security, and I was always supportive and give the encouragement to do so. I've helped in everything written tests, physical tests I even helped in an eye surgery to make it possible. We made plans, house, dog a simple life. We talk about getting married, etc.

But now it changed. In the last month she is more distant, she says that she wants to be alone, I don't know if it's a sure thing, or if I am on denial. I don't want to start all over again. Find a house alone that I can afford, find a new job and live alone… I feel like I've failed in everything.
I've no ambitions no plans nothing this was my plan my vision of what life should be, and I'm losing it. We're still together but I don't know if it could end next month or just a phase and we keep going… I don't know what to think and I'm tired to think and cry about it.
The only thing that makes me wonder about if I should do this or not it's my parents. They are 80 and 77, and I think that do this will break them and I don't want them to suffer, but also if I'm alive and struggle will also have them worried and I don't want that.
I see myself as a looser a failure.
Almost 40 no house, no career, no special skills no ambition no love, food tastes all the same, can't sleep straight, crying… I feel tired of this "life" . I feel like go to sleep and never wake up…
And I feel kind of dumb, I've read some posts and people have diseases and problems far more complicated than just a broken heart…

Sorry for the long post…

 

[wendydong1]

Hello my male counterpart... Check out my posts, will make you feel better

 

[ThriveOrDie]

My introduction,

I'm 37 and my English it's not very good, so sorry in advance.

Well I'm here because of a broken heart, an empty soul and no vision to my future.

I was in a 9 year relation and I broke up, some things happened and she even took some of my money from the bank, you think you know a person... It was heartbroken but I met this girl that I am with for the last 5 years.
It was a good relation and it was getting better. She was thinking of a job in security, and I was always supportive and give the encouragement to do so. I've helped in everything written tests, physical tests I even helped in an eye surgery to make it possible. We made plans, house, dog a simple life. We talk about getting married, etc.

But now it changed. In the last month she is more distant, she says that she wants to be alone, I don't know if it's a sure thing, or if I am on denial. I don't want to start all over again. Find a house alone that I can afford, find a new job and live alone… I feel like I've failed in everything.
I've no ambitions no plans nothing this was my plan my vision of what life should be, and I'm losing it. We're still together but I don't know if it could end next month or just a phase and we keep going… I don't know what to think and I'm tired to think and cry about it.
The only thing that makes me wonder about if I should do this or not it's my parents. They are 80 and 77, and I think that do this will break them and I don't want them to suffer, but also if I'm alive and struggle will also have them worried and I don't want that.
I see myself as a looser a failure.
Almost 40 no house, no career, no special skills no ambition no love, food tastes all the same, can't sleep straight, crying… I feel tired of this "life" . I feel like go to sleep and never wake up…
And I feel kind of dumb, I've read some posts and people have diseases and problems far more complicated than just a broken heart…

Sorry for the long post…

Have you asked her why she is distant?

 

[TheEgg]

Have you asked her why she is distant?

She said she changed, and wants to be alone. She does not know in witch city she is going to work and doesn't want to "drag me". It crossed my mind that she could be unfaithful, that she found someone else or that she is finding a new way to live with no attachments holding her. In every scenario even if she cheated on me… I cannot get angry… it's just sadness that floods out of me…

 

[ThriveOrDie]

I think it's ok to get angry if she cheated on you as long as you can control it. It's a really shitty thing to do to end a relationship and not say why. I'm sorry. I hope you can get past it and find something to live for.

 

[TheEgg]

I think it's ok to get angry if she cheated on you as long as you can control it. It's a really shitty thing to do to end a relationship and not say why. I'm sorry. I hope you can get past it and find something to live for.

That's the thing... I'm tired of all ups and downs been filled with expectations and in the end it's always the same. Alone trying to find a reason to live and move on… don't have the strength or the will…

 

[TheEgg]

Well it's decided. We came to her parents house and she is treating me like I'm not even here. When she's away I make this fantasy that everything will be alright. And when we are together she is ice cold... I need help. I want to end this but don't have any clues how to do it. Could someone help me.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

Hmmm...If I were in your shoes I would ask again what is wrong and if she is willing to work it out. If not, be ready to say goodbye and good luck.

 

[GreyMonkey]

I'm there with you. Very similar situation although I've already lost the relationships.

And I know the agony of it coming to an end. The sleepless nights. Everything losing its colour. The desire to just end it all.

Especially if the relationship is the number one thing in life and there is nothing else to hang onto. It's devastating. I get you.

 

[TheEgg]

I've try. But ends up in discussion. And she says that she doesn't know what she wants to do. And I still bealive that is just a phase and we will be fine. In my heart I feel I have to endure it to make things right. I am a mess... but it's this hope that makes me wake up and do my things. And I don't see anything beyond that. I gave all of me to make this work and if it doesn't I don't see a purpose to go on.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

I've try. But ends up in discussion. And she says that she doesn't know what she wants to do. And I still bealive that is just a phase and we will be fine. In my heart I feel I have to endure it to make things right. I am a mess... but it's this hope that makes me wake up and do my things. And I don't see anything beyond that. I gave all of me to make this work and if it doesn't I don't see a purpose to go on.

How long has it been this way?

 

[TheEgg]

Close to a month...

 

[epic]

Life is much much more valuable than a girl.
If it doesn't work out, fuck it.There will always be more girls.
As far as life/career/ambitions go.Try taking on a job/task which suits your aptitude and talent .Hold on it for a period of time.You may start liking it, if not then try another task/job.
You are also showing serious signs of depression. Go to a shrink.He may bring you out of depression and build self esteem and confidence.
There is light at the end of your tunnel.
Please keep us updated . You can PM me if you need a lending ear.
Best of Luck.
We are all rooting for you.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

Give her a time frame to figure out whether she wants to work on the relationship or not. Maybe a couple of weeks? I'm not sure what is fair but that's not cool that she is ignoring you. If she is too emotionally handicapped to talk it out then you probably shouldn't be together anyway.

 

[TheEgg]

Thanks for the support. I thought about the time frame. But Im scared of rushing things to an end. If we broke up I thought of rent another house and find another job far from where I am... but cant seem to really be happy with a broken heart. Cant see myself trusting again...

 

[TheEgg]

Well today we spoke a little about us. It's the same conclusion… don't know what will become of us… I've started to try and see things in other perspective, like epic said (thank you). And even in this situation I'm trying to focus more in ME rather than US. I'm doing a to do list to focus each day in something. I'm not going to lie, the feeling to stop this it's still on my mind, but I'm trying to put it as a solution if everything fails.
Thank you all for the love and support, truly from my heart. I was carrying to much, and put it in words and let off steam with you really helped me take this weight out of my head, my shoulders and my heart. And I'm aware that I will get ups and downs from this but I'm trying. It's like everything it's dark but I see a small dot of light, don't know for how long or if I can grab to it, But it's start.
I will try to make some updates as this goes on.
Thank you.

 

[Donewith_]

Also post in a place of relationship advice.
You want to make things work someway or the other.. you got to try all available options..i think people who have gone through similar things will surely help in giving advice, figuring things out.
I hope it'll work on a good way for you.

 

[SS02]

My introduction,

I'm 37 and my English it's not very good, so sorry in advance.

Well I'm here because of a broken heart, an empty soul and no vision to my future.

I was in a 9 year relation and I broke up, some things happened and she even took some of my money from the bank, you think you know a person... It was heartbroken but I met this girl that I am with for the last 5 years.
It was a good relation and it was getting better. She was thinking of a job in security, and I was always supportive and give the encouragement to do so. I've helped in everything written tests, physical tests I even helped in an eye surgery to make it possible. We made plans, house, dog a simple life. We talk about getting married, etc.

But now it changed. In the last month she is more distant, she says that she wants to be alone, I don't know if it's a sure thing, or if I am on denial. I don't want to start all over again. Find a house alone that I can afford, find a new job and live alone… I feel like I've failed in everything.
I've no ambitions no plans nothing this was my plan my vision of what life should be, and I'm losing it. We're still together but I don't know if it could end next month or just a phase and we keep going… I don't know what to think and I'm tired to think and cry about it.
The only thing that makes me wonder about if I should do this or not it's my parents. They are 80 and 77, and I think that do this will break them and I don't want them to suffer, but also if I'm alive and struggle will also have them worried and I don't want that.
I see myself as a looser a failure.
Almost 40 no house, no career, no special skills no ambition no love, food tastes all the same, can't sleep straight, crying… I feel tired of this "life" . I feel like go to sleep and never wake up…
And I feel kind of dumb, I've read some posts and people have diseases and problems far more complicated than just a broken heart…

Sorry for the long post…

I am sorry your relationship may not be working out. I doubt you will find happiness in others. It sounds like you aren't happy with yourself. So if you don't like yourself then why would she like you?

just asking

 

[ThriveOrDie]

Well today we spoke a little about us. It's the same conclusion… don't know what will become of us… I've started to try and see things in other perspective, like epic said (thank you). And even in this situation I'm trying to focus more in ME rather than US. I'm doing a to do list to focus each day in something. I'm not going to lie, the feeling to stop this it's still on my mind, but I'm trying to put it as a solution if everything fails.
Thank you all for the love and support, truly from my heart. I was carrying to much, and put it in words and let off steam with you really helped me take this weight out of my head, my shoulders and my heart. And I'm aware that I will get ups and downs from this but I'm trying. It's like everything it's dark but I see a small dot of light, don't know for how long or if I can grab to it, But it's start.
I will try to make some updates as this goes on.
Thank you.

Also, be prepared for the possibility that she is stringing you along until something better comes along. I hope that is not the case and that things work out.

 

[TheEgg]

Also, be prepared for the possibility that she is stringing you along until something better comes along. I hope that is not the case and that things work out.

Yes, I thought about it. It's possible that she's looking for somewhere to live by herself when the training is over. And that scares me in two ways, one is that she is cold enough to be with me until then, the other is that she will be with me just because she can't manage by herself. But I don't have reasons to suspect her in each case, because she could say nothing and just leave, she was honest by saying that she is struggling with this new life, the danger the time schedules and the uncertainty of the location she will be.
And I want to believe this it's just a phase that all will be right again.

I am sorry your relationship may not be working out. I doubt you will find happiness in others. It sounds like you aren't happy with yourself. So if you don't like yourself then why would she like you?

just asking

I understand what you are saying, and yes in this moment I'm not happy with myself. I feel like I've failed in something. That I could have been different or better somehow…
And I was not lazy or careless about the relation. I cook, I take care of the laundry, I try to keep on shape, I clean the house, I go to work on the bus cause she is taking the car to work to make her life easier. And I put so much effort in us that it really breaks me to think about split up.
I see some of my friends that are together and they cheat, they argue, some beat each other, some stay together just because of their kids and I try to be better than that…
And I can't do it, can make a relation work, or make my partner miss me like I miss her when she's gone… It's tough to express myself in English cause it's not my language and it's difficult to explain… sorry.

 

[drake4871]

Sorry to hear that OP, I've also been through a bad breakup. And honestly, it always gets better with time (at least with breakups from my experience), but it might take a long time. Regardless, best of luck with whatever outcome you choose

 

[TheEgg]

Well I just find out that she's is cheating... I'm dead inside I don't know what to do... I' just dead inside...

 

[ThriveOrDie]

Well I just find out that she's is cheating... I'm dead inside I don't know what to do... I' just dead inside...

I'm sorry. You deserve better. Please be kind to yourself.

 

[TheEgg]

I'm getting the courage to talk to my sister and tell her about all of this. Maybe some revenge...idk...
I took some pills to sleep and around 2am I heard a message and couldn't sleep... I get up pick her phone and unlock the pin (yes she thinks I don't know the number) and start to read all this messages... And I think all the behavior and coldness point to this. I didn't want to bealive... she talks about feeling... sex... who is this person sleeping by my side... and I cant sleep my head body and soul are a mess. And she is snorring... like... wtf...

 

[Jack4230]

I'm getting the courage to talk to my sister and tell her about all of this. Maybe some revenge...idk...
I took some pills to sleep and around 2am I heard a message and couldn't sleep... I get up pick her phone and unlock the pin (yes she thinks I don't know the number) and start to read all this messages... And I think all the behavior and coldness point to this. I didn't want to bealive... she talks about feeling... sex... who is this person sleeping by my side... and I cant sleep my head body and soul are a mess. And she is snorring... like... wtf...

Damn that's cold, but if she doesn't care for you then you deserve better, it sounds like you were doing most/all of the work in the relationship, making sacrifices that she wasn't willing to make. I'm not sure if revenge is the right way to go, it might backfire depending on what you do. Hopefully you will see that you're better than her and that she doesn't deserve you.

 

[TheEgg]

Damn that's cold, but if she doesn't care for you then you deserve better, it sounds like you were doing most/all of the work in the relationship, making sacrifices that she wasn't willing to make. I'm not sure if revenge is the right way to go, it might backfire depending on what you do. Hopefully you will see that you're better than her and that she doesn't deserve you.

Thank you Jack... I already thought millions of things to do… My head is really full with this, that's why I want to talk with my sister, she's more wise and her head it's not in the middle of this like mine, she can see outside the "relation" and I think she will give me some good advice how to proceed.

But she's on vacation and I can only talk to her on Monday… I know it's going to be a long weekend… And I don't want to talk with no friends because I'm embarrassed, I feel ashamed of being cheated…

I know that she is the one to blame, and she should feel ashamed… I think that it should be her. I think that… I don't even know what to think. I'm alone, can't sleep can't rest my mind… Don't want to live… I think about ctb to make her see me cold like she is. But I think that she will be at shock at first but I think it will be a relive for her, to go forward with her life. I'm a mess… I banged my head against the wall. I don't know what to do with just my income. I will be forced to move away from family and friends. Find a new job all because of her… And she will have her life made with this job… She'll have a career for life she will make good money and I fucking helped achieve it. If she didn't had the eye surgery she would never made it. I feel like a clown. Her friend from the same training came to our house and I truly believe that she knows about it too. I feel like a jackass. I'm a joke. I'm so stupid… I feel like I should never been born…