Help My imperfect plan. Want input.

[WearyWanderer]

So I'm in a huge pickle. I needed to ctb before I went to an assisted living facility. But all my supplies which I painstakingly gathered were then taken away from me, decreasing the effectiveness of my plan: jumping in a 15 foot lake. The problem is, the rescue team for either lake is only 5 minutes away and it can take 10-30 minutes or more to drown. Maybe more because of the mammalian diving reflex and the water will be super cold.

But, if I wait, I will continue to grow even weaker than I already am at at the assisted living facility and don't know how I'll have the strength to do it later. I also have no idea when or if I'd be able to come back home frankly. I'm that far gone.

I saw this coming and was so determined to leave before this was my fate but every plan I tried went to shit and I was afraid of failing last time I was at the lake so I didn't jump. It seemed too close to shore. But of all my options, it's the only thing I can do which will possibly kill me.

I've asked my family for the last two years to go to Pegasos and no one even believes me that it's that bad.

What do I do? I am at a loss. I really thought I'd be gone by now but nothing worked out. I have one backup plan which is also not guaranteed and which I wouldn't be able to do until after I come back from the home. And again, I don't know when that is or if it will even happen.

This is my worst nightmare. I promised myself I would leave before it's too late and I'm trapped.

Please no comments on staying, I just want advice about how dumb it would be to risk brain death by jumping without weights. I'm desperate and wondering if cold water shock might kill me quicker or if I breathe out in order to sink to the bottom, then breathe in as hard as I can. Will that be enough to kill me? Feeling desperate and panicked.

Edit: Okay, I just saw a different post about rules and I hope this post isn't breaking a rule. I tried to remove the poll but I can't figure out how. So I changed it to close in one day. I am sorry, in my panic I wasn't thinking.

 

[yeahwellso]

What? You're going to an assisted living facility for a temporary stay? What's your disability? How long is the stay?

 

[summers]

@WearyWanderer I'm sorry, but you won't sink without weights. Air in your lungs has very little to do with flotation. If the water is very cold, you could potentially die from hypothermia, but I'm not sure how long that would take.

 

[WearyWanderer]

@WearyWanderer I'm sorry, but you won't sink without weights. Air in your lungs has very little to do with flotation. If the water is very cold, you could potentially die from hypothermia, but I'm not sure how long that would take.

Thank you for the reality check. Not the answer I was hoping for, but I guess I'll try to brainstorm more so I don't end up worse off than I am now.

Although I can't help but wonder: I have read two stories online of people who ctb'ed by drowning, and both simply walked straight into the water, no weights included. How did they manage to make it work, I wonder. Granted, they also did it when there wasn't enough time for emergency services to get there in time somehow.

Maybe it was just a stroke of luck. I forgot to mention that I don't really know how to float (i.e. backfloat) and cannot swim. And am too disabled to be one of those people who learns to swim after being thrown into water. But yes, am probably better off trying a different way, I guess.

I mentioned breathing out because I saw a youtube video by a freediver demonstrating three ways to sink. One was letting.air out of your lungs but it was sort of a lead up of three steps on how to free dive now that I think about it.

 

[TessB]

Thank you for the reality check. Not the answer I was hoping for, but I guess I'll try to brainstorm more so I don't end up worse off than I am now.

Although I can't help but wonder: I have read two stories online of people who ctb'ed by drowning, and both simply walked straight into the water, no weights included. How did they manage to make it work, I wonder. Granted, they also did it when there wasn't enough time for emergency services to get there in time somehow.

Maybe it was just a stroke of luck. I forgot to mention that I don't really know how to float (i.e. backfloat) and cannot swim. And am too disabled to be one of those people who learns to swim after being thrown into water. But yes, am probably better off trying a different way, I guess.

I mentioned breathing out because I saw a youtube video by a freediver demonstrating three ways to sink. One was letting.air out of your lungs but it was sort of a lead up of three steps on how to free dive now that I think about it.

The thing is you will always find cases where people have successfully ctb in unusual/ generally unsuccessful ways.. but the vast majority of those types of attempts won't work. And I wouldn't want to try to ctb using a method where you are depriving your brain of oxygen and then fail/ get found as your life afterwards might be way worse.
But I wanted to say I'm sorry as it sounds like what you're going through is pretty shit. Xx

 

[summers]

Thank you for the reality check. Not the answer I was hoping for, but I guess I'll try to brainstorm more so I don't end up worse off than I am now.

Although I can't help but wonder: I have read two stories online of people who ctb'ed by drowning, and both simply walked straight into the water, no weights included. How did they manage to make it work, I wonder. Granted, they also did it when there wasn't enough time for emergency services to get there in time somehow.

Maybe it was just a stroke of luck. I forgot to mention that I don't really know how to float (i.e. backfloat) and cannot swim. And am too disabled to be one of those people who learns to swim after being thrown into water. But yes, am probably better off trying a different way, I guess.

I mentioned breathing out because I saw a youtube video by a freediver demonstrating three ways to sink. One was letting.air out of your lungs but it was sort of a lead up of three steps on how to free dive now that I think about it.

I mean, it is possible to just hold your head underwater and take a huge breath. You may be able to get enough water in your lungs to pass out. Probably very painful, and the si would be very intense.

You shouldn't need a lot of weight. I would think maybe 10% of your body weight or so. I don't know if your disability would hinder you carrying that much in your hands or a backpack. If you had a backpack, you could put rocks in it.

Edit - most backpacks are made of synthetic materials and will float. You would need to account for the buoyancy of the backpack when adding weight to it.

 

[WearyWanderer]

I mean, it is possible to just hold your head underwater and take a huge breath. You may be able to get enough water in your lungs to pass out. Probably very painful, and the si would be very intense.

You shouldn't need a lot of weight. I would think maybe 10% of your body weight or so. I don't know if your disability would hinder you carrying that much in your hands or a backpack. If you had a backpack, you could put rocks in it.

Edit - most backpacks are made of synthetic materials and will float. You would need to account for the buoyancy of the backpack when adding weight to it.

Thanks for the input. Unfortunately, I don't know that I can pull off the backpack part of that plan. Rocks in coat pockets might work, but I don't have rocks and can't physically bend down to pick any up outside. I had bought small handheld half pound water weights and even those felt heavy to me because of my health issues. But I was too obvious about it and my aide snitched on me to my mom so I have no idea where they are now, along with all of my other exercise equipment / potential supplies.

If I had a way to also help me go unconscious after in the water and knew I wouldn't be rescued in time, I'd also try that but every method I think of ends up being too complex for me to arrange, let alone without those around me catching on. :/

 

[sadhuman2]

Life can get better.

Get off drugs completely and be sober and your mind will begin to correct its thinking back to natural state and you will learn to cope with reality.

In time you will enjoy life. You just got to be patient and struggle through the journey until you are at peace.

Then find a safe way out of this world. I myself am still looking for a safe method. Almost all the methods I see on here involve lots of pain or risk.

If your in an assisted living centre try to use the resources you have. Find a book to read or movies to watch that can benefit you. Find people to talk with.

Don't hurt yourself. If you are patient and listen to your inner voice and learn to see true reality you will feel alright. That is of course assuming your problems are temporary and can be healed given time.

Just trying to help