Help my husband. opinion?

[Life_and_Death]

i suppose this would go under recovery however its stressing me out to no end and the reason i 'attempted' last time followed by just cancelling my appointment so in a way, it goes here.

i NEED to go to my next appointment alone. ive never gone alone before. i have separation anxiety with my husband due to past events and honestly would prefer not to however if i want the relationship i would like to have with my husband i have to so i can vent to my therapist and she can help me......whatever shes gonna do to help. maybe nothing idk, but i cant just talk to my husband first. im freaking out and panicking about the whole thing and i dont know what to do. anyway i thought about messaging him this and would like an opinion on it.

"The other day you had said that you felt left out and, i know :(. I don't mean to. Well I do, but not in a bad way, I'm just concerned. Where you're #1 in my life, the person I spend most/all of my time with what you don't know sort of involves you. I haven't wanted to say anything because I don't want you to hate yourself feeling like you've done something wrong and i also don't want to lose you.

The last therapist appointment i had i was suppose to go alone. I was suppose to tell her everything and, im not exactly sure what it would accomplish however i still feel it best to take this step first. I was scared to tell you that i 'wanted' (as much as my separation anxiety would let me) to go alone because i was concerned that it being my first time alone and just before that me not daring to let you out of my sight that you would become over suspicious. Its not horrible, its not that bad, im just concerned. Im actually fairly confident that im the one over reacting. Anyway i ended up cancelling it because the stress of it became too much and i just couldnt deal with it.

I have another appointment on the 27th, i dont want to leave you out. I want to be able to tell you anything and everything however for now i want to tread carefully. I hope you understand that im only keeping things from you out of love. "

btw he doesnt know about the attempt the morning of. thats something id bring up after the therapist appointment

 

[BigNarkoleptic]

I think you should say hey, I'm suicidal, this is the reason, x, y, z, life is hard, I love you, my therapist doesn't push my buttons, go you X

-not a licensed therapist-

Peace.

 

[Tackingintothewind]

Tell him.
Its easier for me to confess these thoughts and feelings to a stranger than someone I know. I love you and I will tell you everything but I need the emotional distance to get it sorted in my own head first. Talking to my therapist alone will help me do this.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

First off, if I may, you're NOT worthless. Your husband seems to love you very much, so, you have value to someone.

As for your letter, good. You put it in a way that let's him know you love and care for him, but you need space at the moment. After he reads said letter, I think it best to sit down and discuss it with him just so you can let him know, in person, that this is truly what you need.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Wait, if you're messaging him then that means you're not together right now? So it's fine to not be in the same room? Then therapy alone should also be fine? Sorry I have no idea what the problem is. Of course you can attend therapy alone.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Wait, if you're messaging him then that means you're not together right now? So it's fine to not be in the same room? Then therapy alone should also be fine? Sorry I have no idea what the problem is. Of course you can attend therapy alone.

alone in a different room in my own house is one thing. him being out of the house and me here alone is semi mostly kind of ok depending and he cant be gone for too long. being alone in a strange place with someone else is something completely different because i also have social anxiety. i only talk to people when i really have to and even then i try to get out of it by getting my husband to do.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

alone in a different room in my own house is one thing. him being out of the house and me here alone is semi mostly kind of ok depending and he cant be gone for too long. being alone in a strange place with someone else is something completely different because i also have social anxiety. i only talk to people when i really have to and even then i try to get out of it by getting my husband to do.

Oh ok, maybe he can drive you there and wait outside or something? Unless you want to use this as an opportunity to become more independent.

 

[Life_and_Death]

First off, if I may, you're NOT worthless. Your husband seems to love you very much, so, you have value to someone.

As for your letter, good. You put it in a way that let's him know you love and care for him, but you need space at the moment. After he reads said letter, I think it best to sit down and discuss it with him just so you can let him know, in person, that this is truly what you need.

first id like to start off by saying thank you for being the only one so far with a serious answer. no offense but @GenesAndEnvironment doesnt count they were asking a question lol.

what else do you feel there is to discuss? i mean if he wants to ask me something or whatever then yeah thats one thing, but im basically just going to message that to him hes going to read it and i basically plan on that being it. im not sure whatelse i could say

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

@GenesAndEnvironment doesnt count

Story of my life *chugs whiskey*

 

[Life_and_Death]

Story of my life *chugs whiskey*

THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT!!!!!

 

[avoid_slow_death]

what else do you feel there is to discuss? i mean if he wants to ask me something or whatever then yeah thats one thing, but im basically just going to message that to him hes going to read it and i basically plan on that being it. im not sure whatelse i could say

Not as clarification, just, it is more powerful and convincing if he sees your face as you say to him what you said in the email. It usually helps to comfort someone when they actually see the person face to face as they explain their situation. It makes everything more serious and important.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Oh ok, maybe he can drive you there and wait outside or something? Unless you want to use this as an opportunity to become more independent.

i want to agree with this, and him waiting in the parking lot or something but my anxiety is screaming NO! and i want to cry.

Not as clarification, just, it is more powerful and convincing if he sees your face as you say to him what you said in the email. It usually helps to comfort someone when they actually see the person face to face as they explain their situation. It makes everything more serious and important.

we have an agreement where i can message him things i dont want to/cant say. if this helps? so its not like it would be completely out of the blue for me to message him things

 

[BigNarkoleptic]

Sorry if I was being a blind folded bird boxed buffoon...

Aherm.

I think your letter was nice. I'm sorry you can't just video chat your therapist from your spare room. Could be the answer?

 

[avoid_slow_death]

i want to agree with this, and him waiting in the parking lot or something but my anxiety is screaming NO! and i want to cry.

we have an agreement where i can message him things i dont want to/cant say. if this helps? so its not like it would be completely out of the blue for me to message him things

Ah, my apologies. I guess I misunderstood that portion of your post.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Ah, my apologies. I guess I misunderstood that portion of your post.

no, i just didnt add that part lol

I think your letter was nice. I'm sorry you can't just video chat your therapist from your spare room. Could be the answer?

no, 1) anxiety 2) he would be able to hear the conversation making it pointless 3) i wont even video chat with my own dad 4) i have anxiety about any type of phone call when others are around and idk why

 

[avoid_slow_death]

no, i just didnt add that part lol

Ah, my bad. Anyways, I do wish you all the best with your therapy. Seems to me like you genuinely want to get better for not only yourself but for him as well. That is a beautiful thing and to be honest, am a bit jealous. You just keep trying fir you two. :)

 

[BigNarkoleptic]

?

 

[Life_and_Death]

Ah, my bad. Anyways, I do wish you all the best with your therapy. Seems to me like you genuinely want to get better for not only yourself but for him as well. That is a beautiful thing and to be honest, am a bit jealous. You just keep trying fir you two. :)

mostly myself i guess...im not really 100% sure why i want to live outside im happy (i know that probably doesnt make sense). honestly i see him leaving me at the end of this anyway......i have something to tell him that i cant change but cant keep to myself any longer either and its part of the reason i want to ctb

 

[BigNarkoleptic]

What's on the interior?

 

[Tackingintothewind]

Could you do telephone counselling, so you are still at home but in a different room?

 

[Life_and_Death]

What's on the interior?

elaborate please?

Could you do telephone counselling, so you are still at home but in a different room?

that falls under the same thing of he can still hear and i have anxiety about phone calls when others are around

 

[BigNarkoleptic]

elaborate please?

that falls under the same thing of he can still hear and i have anxiety about phone calls when others are around

I have a more positive exterior, but carry baggage too. My interior is cluttered with misgivings.

What's happening with your interior? Why is it going to change everything to the point it makes you feel like using your bus ticket?

 

[avoid_slow_death]

If it makes sense to you, good enough reason. Makes perfect sense to want to continue to live simply because you're happy. Isn't that what everyone wants? As for the rest if your post, I am truly sorry you feel that way. Hopefully it will work out for the best in the long term.

 

[Tackingintothewind]

elaborate please?

that falls under the same thing of he can still hear and i have anxiety about phone calls when others are around

Could you maybe do it when he's not at home then? Or maybe vent to a stranger on

988 Lifeline Chat and Text

988 Lifeline Chat and Text connects you with caring crisis counselors for emotional support. To chat with a crisis counselor online 24/7/365, please fill out the form below. To text with a crisis…

suicidepreventionlifeline.org

They call the people who talk to you counsellors. No idea if they are trained but maybe they can help

 

[Life_and_Death]

I have a more positive exterior, but carry baggage too. My interior is cluttered with misgivings.

What's happening with your interior? Why is it going to change everything to the point it makes you feel like using your bus ticket?

nothings changed. ive been wanting to ctb since i was about 14. id go without eating sometimes and other times id walk down to a wharf near by and look in the water thinking about jumping but knowing i never would. (id often look up the hill behind me hoping a friend or someone would get this "theres something wrong" feeling and come rushing to save me, but i was in the middle of no where basically, no one was coming for me). its just my disorders. you know how people say you arent your disorders well i literally am. the more i look back the more i realize ive never changed. i was born broken. i mean sure some of them came from abuse but not all of them. i hate me with a passion and i just want it all to be over. i cant even talk without hating myself. (oh right there was also this one time i was going to hang myself with an indoor clothes line, it was basically a rope with a hook on either end)

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/reminder.64741/

If it makes sense to you, good enough reason. Makes perfect sense to want to continue to live simply because you're happy.

yeah but the whole "youre happy and suicidal" doesnt make sense, it barely makes sense to me yet here i am lol

Could you maybe do it when he's not at home then? Or maybe vent to a stranger on

988 Lifeline Chat and Text

988 Lifeline Chat and Text connects you with caring crisis counselors for emotional support. To chat with a crisis counselor online 24/7/365, please fill out the form below. To text with a crisis…

suicidepreventionlifeline.org

They call the people who talk to you counsellors. No idea if they are trained but maybe they can help

he and i spend 24/7 together (we even work together so literally 24/7) also that says national and usa, im canadian so they would be of no use to me. i already looked online to get an opinion from someone like that and couldnt come up with anything

 

[Tackingintothewind]

Use us vpn. I'm from the uk and I've used them

 

[BigNarkoleptic]

Haha 'youre happy your suicidal'

Sums up SS sometimes.

mostly myself i guess...im not really 100% sure why i want to live outside im happy (i know that probably doesnt make sense). honestly i see him leaving me at the end of this anyway......i have something to tell him that i cant change but cant keep to myself any longer either and its part of the reason i want to ctb

This part. That might change. That might bring you closer. The thing that's a part of the reason why you feel like this. Will saying it change the way you feel about yourself?

 

[Life_and_Death]

you mean

Haha 'youre happy your suicidal'

Sums up SS sometimes.

This part. That might change. That might bring you closer. The thing that's a part of the reason why you feel like this. Will saying it change the way you feel about yourself?

why he might leave me? i can tell you why if thats what you mean. ive said it here before (and got unnecessary bs from it like i didnt already f'en know it was wrong. thank you thats what the entire post was about! sorry it just annoys me so much like i didnt already feel like shit enough for it someone had to go and "try" to make it worse) https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/relationships.62012/

 

[BigNarkoleptic]

Well, polygamy and attachment are two interpretations of the same thing. And it's normal for repressed or frustrated people to seek partners outside their normal partners.

Do you feel, you would feel better, that if your husband wanted to be with someone else, that he simply say, his interest is elsewhere, and it seemed right to hold things, so they can move in a different direction?

Is the emotional conflict here, with your own beliefs and societies, causing you to punish yourself by twiddling over CTB? Does it feel right to do it I mean, like catching yourself true, or finding a justice?

Would it be confronting this that would make you finally get on the bus do you think?

 

[Life_and_Death]

Well, polygamy and attachment are two interpretations of the same thing. And it's normal for repressed or frustrated people to seek partners outside their normal partners.

Do you feel, you would feel better, that if your husband wanted to be with someone else, that he simply say, his interest is elsewhere, and it seemed right to hold things, so they can move in a different direction?

Is the emotional conflict here, with your own beliefs and societies, causing you to punish yourself by twiddling over CTB? Does it feel right to do it I mean, like catching yourself true, or finding a justice?

Would it be confronting this that would make you finally get on the bus do you think?

to explain the situation, ive tried walking away from my friend. ive tried breaking up with my husband, ive thought about/looked into moving back home (to a different province) and leaving both of them, just starting new and every option leaves me in absolute tears. i dont want to lose either of them. however the way things stand right now i have to hide basically everything because i am talking to my friend (nothing bad, just how work was and hes teaching me about anime and stuff, i keep him updated on my life). i just dont want to keep doing this. im sort of cool with not actually being with both of them (of course that does hurt because i know/understand that i cant keep him unless im actually going to keep him, if you understand) i just want to be able to talk without fear, maybe hang out like friends. its killing me that i have to hide it.

Would it be confronting this that would make you finally get on the bus do you think?

its not confronting it thats the problem. if its out there then he can accept it or leave. ive already done this whole rule bs with one of my exs and i dont want to do it again. if you dont trust me then why are you with me, kind of thing