Venting My husband found my SN and secret stash of alcohol

[SHThrowAway213]

He found them all.
He poured the alcohol down the sink.
He flushed the SN down the toilet.
I'm so mad.
Looks like my only methods now is hanging or jumping.
He reacted better then I expected.
I honestly thought he would be more mad.
He was more mad about the alcohol then the SN.
He knows how suicidal I am.
This is just going to worry him more and I'm feeling so mad, sad and guilty.

 

[Soul]

I'm sorry. I gather you've tried to talk to your husband about what's led you to want a way to exit. Does he offer you any forms of help that could make any difference? (((Hugs)))

 

[Backwood_tilt]

You're dealing with a lot right now. You are entitled to feel as you are feeling. Don't beat yourself up if you can help it, but just try to feel what those emotions are like. Take the time to do that, and maybe after that revisit if you still want to CTB and how you would do it.

Thinking about methods right now is probably going to lead to riskier decisions than if you were in a different state.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I'm sorry. I had a similar experience last week and now I'm the suicidal guy of the family. My parents don't want to leave me alone at home. It sucks. I'm worse than before my SN had been found.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear that, especially losing the SN, as that is your instrument/tool to peace. It sucks to be in a shitty situation and thinking about CTB'ing, but even worse to have your means of escape cut off. I fear the same way about my methods too, which is why I had to store my firearm away from my parents' home and then somehow find a way to get it into my bedroom undetected (and stay hidden until my time has come). Even I struggle with finding a way to prevent losing my escape.

As far as other methods, such as hanging and jumping, hanging could be done either partial or full suspension so I would research on which one suits you more. As far as jumping, you would need to find a suitable place that is secluded (to prevent bystanders and goody-two shoes Samaritans trying to save you) and also that it is high enough (even higher if it is a body of water as water breaks the fall, leading to a higher chance of failing the attempt) to jump from. Anyways, if you choose another method in the future or whatever you do, I hope you find peace.

 

[AlreadyGone]

I am so sorry to hear that. But what was his issue with the alcohol? I can understand the SN, but why did the alcohol have to go?

 

[SHThrowAway213]

I'm sorry. I gather you've tried to talk to your husband about what's led you to want a way to exit. Does he offer you any forms of help that could make any difference? (((Hugs)))

Yeah he does help but I still feel like I need to CTB

I am so sorry to hear that. But what was his issue with the alcohol? I can understand the SN, but why did the alcohol have to go?

I'm an alcoholic and he tries to stop me from drinking its very frustrating

 

[MysticPerception]

What is it with husbands and finding SN lately? Jokes aside though I'm sorry that happened to you. Robbing you of a peaceful method even when he knows you're suicidal is an extreme move he thought was a helpful solution. Hopefully you can get more without him finding out. Hanging and jumping are both very scary so if it comes to it I hope you have the courage you need if you do attempt either of them.

 

[jgm63]

He found them all.
He poured the alcohol down the sink.
He flushed the SN down the toilet.
I'm so mad.
Looks like my only methods now is hanging or jumping.
He reacted better then I expected.
I honestly thought he would be more mad.
He was more mad about the alcohol then the SN.
He knows how suicidal I am.
This is just going to worry him more and I'm feeling so mad, sad and guilty.

Not sure your location but I've heard of some people ordering things to be sent to "lockers" owned by a certain well know online marketplace.... So perhaps that could be an option.

 

[mathieu]

My SN was discovered too. Oh well, it's cheap and easy to repurchase. My mum already knew I am suicidal so it didn't have bad repercussions.

 

[AlreadyGone]

Yeah he does help but I still feel like I need to CTB

I'm an alcoholic and he tries to stop me from drinking its very frustrating

Ah ok. I love my wine so seeing alcohol get poured out would make me very upset.

 

[NotWhatIExpected]

What is it with husbands and finding SN lately? Jokes aside though I'm sorry that happened to you. Robbing you of a peaceful method even when he knows you're suicidal is an extreme move he thought was a helpful solution. Hopefully you can get more without him finding out. Hanging and jumping are both very scary so if it comes to it I hope you have the courage you need if you do attempt either of them.

Serious question, can husbands and other family members get in trouble if they find out you have SN but don't do anything?

 

[MysticPerception]

Serious question, can husbands and other family members get in trouble if they find out you have SN but don't do anything?

Could be seen as assisting suicide which is illegal but they could feign ignorance. It would take some obvious definitive proof and they could just say they thought you were going to use it for something else since it has many uses that aren't related to ctb at all. It's even fertilizer which I found out at the hospital.

 

[NotWhatIExpected]

Could be seen as assisting suicide which is illegal but they could feign ignorance. It would take some obvious definitive proof and they could just say they thought you were going to use it for something else since it has many uses that aren't related to ctb at all. It's even fertilizer which I found out at the hospital.

The uncertainty of it is very distressing

I don't know how often the authorities could decide to crack down on it

I'm pretty young (mid-twenties) so idk if they'd make a bigger deal about it

 

[MysticPerception]

The uncertainty of it is very distressing

I don't know how often the authorities could decide to crack down on it

I'm pretty young (mid-twenties) so idk if they'd make a bigger deal about it

It's fertilizer. Unless you or the person in question expressly states that they intended to kill themselves with it or you did and one of you knew there's nothing they can say or do. They'll just assume you thought they were using it for an art project or something.

 

[NotWhatIExpected]

It's fertilizer. Unless you or the person in question expressly states that they intended to kill themselves with it or you did and one of you knew there's nothing they can say or do. They'll just assume you thought they were using it for an art project or something.

What if they knew I plan to use it in case I ever want to kill myself?

 

[MysticPerception]

What if they knew I plan to use it in case I ever want to kill myself?

Well in that case if the police comes poking around I have no idea. If they can prove they knew then they might be in big trouble but otherwise I'm not sure how they would prove it honestly without a confession.

 

[Halo13]

It's fertilizer. Unless you or the person in question expressly states that they intended to kill themselves with it or you did and one of you knew there's nothing they can say or do. They'll just assume you thought they were using it for an art project or something.

Sodium nitrite is a salt used as a food additive and preservative for curing meat. Sodium nitrate is an ingredient sometimes used in fertilizer:

"Sodium nitrate is a colorless, odorless, crystalline compound, sometimes referred to as soda niter, nitrate of soda or Chile saltpeter. It is used for making potassium nitrate, fertilizers, explosives..."

That's strange they told you SN as we know it is fertilizer at the hospital, I wonder if they mixed up the two because of the similar spelling. Either way, I agree it's not something most people know could be used for ctb purposes so it'd be difficult for the police to know because it's not like a stockpile of pills or a gun.

(Don't mean to sound rude, there was a ctb failure a while ago where a user accidentally got nitrate instead of nitrite)

 

[NotWhatIExpected]

Well in that case if the police comes poking around I have no idea. If they can prove they knew then they might be in big trouble but otherwise I'm not sure how they would prove it honestly without a confession.

I'm so nervous

I don't want that to happen

But I also probably have no other way out beyond suicide tbh, although it's sort of a question of time

They really should just legalize and make widespread some painless suicide method

I'm more curious about the Debreather because it's A.) Less "frenzied-looking" and messy theoretically and B.) Expressly-made for suicide basically, although there are minor things the makers sometimes say it's useful for if hooked up with oxygen

Idk if it'll come out though or if there will be crackdowns and repercussions on it if it does come out

Edit: I have no idea how strong the survival instinct would kick in and mae you pull off the mask with regard to the Debreather

 

[MysticPerception]

Sodium nitrite is a salt used as a food additive and preservative for curing meat. Sodium nitrate is an ingredient sometimes used in fertilizer:

"Sodium nitrate is a colorless, odorless, crystalline compound, sometimes referred to as soda niter, nitrate of soda or Chile saltpeter. It is used for making potassium nitrate, fertilizers, explosives..."

That's strange they told you SN as we know it is fertilizer at the hospital, I wonder if they mixed up the two because of the similar spelling. Either way, I agree it's not something most people know could be used for ctb purposes so it'd be difficult for the police to know because it's not like a stockpile of pills or a gun.

(Don't mean to sound rude, there was a ctb failure a while ago where a user accidentally got nitrate instead of nitrite)

The nurses mixed it up so I'm not surprised if the doctor did as well. I corrected them a few times but gave up after a while.

 

[S1mpleme]

He found them all.
He poured the alcohol down the sink.
He flushed the SN down the toilet.
I'm so mad.
Looks like my only methods now is hanging or jumping.
He reacted better then I expected.
I honestly thought he would be more mad.
He was more mad about the alcohol then the SN.
He knows how suicidal I am.
This is just going to worry him more and I'm feeling so mad, sad and guilty.

Sorry, but your husband the best, he loves you so much.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

Sorry, but your husband the best, he loves you so much.

i know but he took away my chances of dying

 

[S1mpleme]

i know but he took away my chances of dying

Such an amazing husband, please hug him for me.