Venting my grades are already too far gone

[myriapoda]

today are exams and i genuinely can't see myself passing any of my classes to maintain my GPA. i don't know what's wrong with me, when i study hard and consistently something seems to fall out of me and makes me stupid. when i don't study, i don't feel any better either. it doesn't help when i do talk to my professors about it like reasons why: work, taking care if expenses for both me and my mother, financial stress, etc that they *are* understanding and give me second chances. but i can't seem to move myself forward.

i sometimes wonder what's the point of living this long and spending so much time in school when i cant see myself living. there's so many things i want to do, but why can't i push myself? SI has been plaguing me, and it doesn't help that it's been getter worse with winter coming. it's like being reduced to some kind of weak machine who can't even pick up a book and recite plain words

i stick out like a sore thumb too. i kinda wish the school was bigger so that there was less chances of a professor remembering me by name and face.

update: i've decided not to come in for my chem finals, i left the bathroom and saw my professor. i think i'll actually vomit if i walk into that class

 

[myriapoda]

Same, dude. My Grades tanked during the warm seasons now I think of what my family might think. I can't do this anymore

i wish families were more understanding but half the time it's near impossible esp when they always have established expectations

something i do is fake the grades online, show my mother, and try to fix them before the new academic year starts. it's tiring putting on a front that everything is fine

 

[Alpacachino]

School and college is so insanely stressful. I'm so happy I'm done with that part of my life. I work at a job now.My worst nightmares are still about attending exams,lol.

 

[myriapoda]

I've been lying to my family too, I've been failing all my classes since October. My Dad has been projecting his mistakes onto me and has been bugging me about High school.

god i get that, it's like there's never a day where i'm not reminded of what i'm supposed to be doing anything school related.
the projection things hits hard since my mother does so in a similar way, she never got this chance so she makes me do it. i think it's been getting worse, i had a vague idea of what i wanted to do but know i'm question myself if i can get a simple desk job. what year in school are you?
edit for clarification: don't worry I'm not going to do the whole, "but you're so young!" thing, that shit honestly pisses me off. just wondering if we're in the same year

School and college is so insanely stressful. I'm so happy I'm done with that part of my life. I work at a job now.My worst nightmares are still about attending exams,lol.

*shivers* nightmares ab exams? which subject haunted you the longest so far?
updating in the comments (forgot if there's only a certain amount of edits allowed on a post), but i just got emailed by my professor inquiring if im going to take the exam or not. i feel nauseous thinking about it, i know im going to fail either way with or without studying. i just want this winter to end already
this fall semester was already bad, i think someway halfway or toward the end i was thinking about methods to get SN either online or; if i somehow survived would it screw me over; try to steal from the campus labs. it's so stupid to even think about when there are more attainable way like partial hanging
i don't even know if i want to respond to the email, it's already kinda pathetic that i chickened out attending the exam just from seeing the prof. there's nothing wrong with him either, he's a pretty chill man. so how even more scummy am i that i can't even answer an email.
don't even get me started on the other exam, it was supposed to be an essay turned in online (already past due, much like my other assignments) and my stomach turns just looking at brightspace

 

[kakarot5]

I mean most ppl in the states don't even go to college anyways so the whole family thing putting stress on you because of grades is ridiculously stupid like what if u don't even find a job with your degree? U'd be much better off finding some type of work u don't need a degree for especially since you're already helping with financial burdens so wht's the point of going to school? If you're parents are going to push u to perform academically the least they can fucking do is keep their end of the bargain and provide for u properly

 

[interna]

same here. ive been held back multiple times to the point of being practically unemployable; i gave up on trying to get my GED this year. i honestly don't know what's gonna become of me in the future which is why i think ctb is truly the only way out. there's no hope. doesn't help that people effectively sees you as worthless and a failure if you struggle with school.