Venting My girlfriend wants me to get help but I don't

[Vitya]

I have had lots of mental breakdowns in the past due to the abuse of my parents. When I breakdown from all the tension that is haunting me I get furious, start talking about how I want to kill them for everything they have done to me. My gf has witnessed this many times and she wants me to go to a psychotherapist or psychologist to talk about this. How do you even talk to somebody you don't know about the ghost of your past and such personal problems? I don't want to talk to some person who will just take my money and pretend to listen and care. I don't have friends nor family I can talk with about this but I really don't want to talk to psychotherapist. I just want to be free of all the pain that is haunting and holding me to the bottom.

 

[jodes2]

You should do it man. They have techniques to help you through it. They've heard it all before

 

[FuneralCry]

I do believe that therapy is a scam, the whole industry just exists to profit from suffering. But anyway your feelings are understandable and I don't believe that people should feel forced to do some kind of therapy if they don't want to. It sounds so incredibly horrific what you've had to endure, this world certainly is hell to me.

 

[starbright2155]

I absolutely think you should go see a psychologist or therapist about all of this. Like @jodes2 said, they're trained to help you. You may be surprised by how much they can help you. It usually takes some time to thoroughly analyze the challenges you face/have faced, but don't let that discourage you!

 

[Vitya]

How do you even open up to somebody you never met? You just sit down in their office and start "ah well this and that is bothering me and I can't deal with it". It just sounds stupid to me how can I trust somebody I do not know to help me. And what will they do anyways? Listen? Tell me what a great person I am and just fuel me with positivity so I can cope harder? Or give me a task to do to distract me from this? The whole thing just sounds absurd and stupid to me. If something will help me to cope harder it definitely won't be me giving money to talk to somebody for an hour. After all only person themselves understand their own pain the best and they best know what would be good for them. I believe I need positive change in my life and I don't want this positive change to be something as stupid as paying a "well trained psychologist" to sugarcoat me with some sweet encouraging words.

 

[hellispink]

She will get tired eventually of the situation. You must choose it for yourself but also for the sake of being together. No one wants to be with someone that keeps refusing therapy or such. One must decide for ourselves without dragging our loved ones into this bullshit hole.

 

[Ra4v]

I get this feeling... but they help, therapy has helped me so much... I know you're furious and frustrated af. I won't say that your thoughts are uhh bad, i won't also say a lot of toxic positivity bullshit. Just read me please: there are good and bad therapists, there are a lot of them that don't care, but if you're willing to try i'd recommend asking patients about good therapists. They're not there to just listen, they're there to make you realize what are your problems, why things happen and why you feel the way you do. You'll feel like you're finally being heard by someone because that someone studied to help people, you can also ask to have a session with your parents so the therapist can be the mediator and validate what you're feeling. Not all therapists are clowns. I know it's hard to take the first step because you're actually not being heard properly and everything seems so fucking bad, i think you should give it a try and then decide what to do.

 

[Monkeyman]

Therapy can help but finding the right professional for you can be difficult. I don't know how it is where you live, but over here a lot of psychologists allow "test run" sessions so you can see if you're vibing with their methods. Now in the online age you can even check for reviews on a clinic or solo practitioner to see if one sounds good. It's worth giving it a try.

About opening up to a therapist: most of them don't really expect you to start opening right away. It's supposed to be a gradual process, and a good professional (i.e. not one who's in it for your money) will allow you to ease in at your own pace.

 

[Vitya]

This is what scares me mostly. I do not want to lose her and I know she only wishes good for me... as the other two comments say maybe I should just find the right one and feel the vibe. I guess giving it a try won't be so bad. It's just really hard to do this all alone since I live completely alone in this city. I haven't talked to any family members in more than a year and she is in uni in another city. I just wish I could do this together with her. I'd feel a lot easier with therapist in her presence.
Okay guys. I have decided it. I will pick one and book an hour. Thank you for giving me your opinions on the matter and helping me view this situation from different points of view! It really helps receiving feedback from different people and seeing new things a person cannot do alone. @Ra4v @Monkeyman @hellispink

 

[SexyIncél]

How do you even open up to somebody you never met? You just sit down in their office and start "ah well this and that is bothering me and I can't deal with it". It just sounds stupid to me how can I trust somebody I do not know to help me.

To offer a different perspective than some others: I agree to some extent. Most psychologists are trained monkeys spamming your psychological buttons

And certainly, it'll take you a while to evaluate their trustworthiness. It's a two-way street: they evaluate you, you evaluate them. What sort of fool puts their MIND in someone else's hand unquestioningly? It's ONLY the thing you think with, the part that decides "Hmm, I know, I'll blow my head off!"

And what's "a psychologist"!? Are they replaceable? Wanna grab 4.5 units of psychologist?

So the questions are:
What characteristics separate an effective vs crappy psychologist -- for you?
How should you think about the relationship?
Assuming a good psychologist, how long will it take to open up to them?

There's different schools of psychological practice. For example, take Dave Mearns's books. Some are here, but not the one with the nice case studies that I like most. That book helps me see from the psychologist's perspective

But I'd heed @hellispink 's warning. Stubbornness is people's downfall. It can be good to try something new, if you can afford it, enthusiastically but intelligently. It might fail hilariously, but it might greatly succeed. I don't know your relationship. But people have lost girlfriends because of this. Are you willing to lose her, or to have regrets about being too stubborn to listen?

 

[Vitya]

To offer a different perspective than some others: I agree to some extent. Most psychologists are trained monkeys spamming your psychological buttons

And certainly, it'll take you a while to evaluate your counselor's trustworthiness. It's a two-way street: they evaluate you, you evaluate them. What sort of fool puts their MIND in someone else's hand unquestioningly? It's ONLY the thing you think with, the part that decides "Hmm, I know, I'll blow my head off!"

And what's "a psychologist"!? Are they replaceable? Wanna grab 4.5 units of psychologist?

So the questions are:
What characteristics separate an effective vs crappy psychologist -- for you?
How should you think about the relationship?
Assuming a good psychologist, how long will it take to open up to them?

There's different schools of psychological practice. For example, take Dave Mearns's books. Some are here, but not the one with the nice case studies that I like most. That book helps me see from the psychologist's perspective

But I'd heed @hellispink 's warning. Stubbornness is people's downfall. It can be good to try something new, if you can afford it, enthusiastically but intelligently. It might fail hilariously, but it might greatly succeed. I don't know your relationship. But people have lost girlfriends because of this. Are you willing to lose her, or to have regrets about being too stubborn to listen?

I don't think I can really separate them as I've never heard of nor encountered psychologist who really helped me.
About what I think about the relationship I think I made it pretty clear in my reply. I'm not sure if you read it but I clearly stated I do not want to lose her and would be willing to give this a try. I am not making this about myself only as me going to psychologist it just sounds selfish to me. I care about her and I am doing this mostly for her. I hope that question is answered.
How long would it take? There is no way for me to know that. Only time can tell.

 

[SexyIncél]

Yeah, I only read your response after I posted. You can ignore my post, or I can delete it if you prefer

 

[Vitya]

Yeah, I only read your response after I posted. You can ignore my post, or I can delete it if you prefer

Don't worry. Feedback appreciated. I much prefer people to be honest with me and attack or make me question my thesis instead of giving me praises and ego fuel. Arguments is what helps us learn from each other and gain experience for the difficulties of this life.