my girlfriend promised she'd leave if it got to be too much

[hyacinths]

my gf has been my best friend for a little less than a year now. she's kind, gentle, and patient with me. she's seen me at my worst, heard me ugly sobbing, yet somehow she hasn't ran the fuck away. we started dating a month ago after having a crushes on each other for most of our entire friendship. she's amazing and i love her but im so worried im gonna fuck her up just like everything else i do. i made her promise me that if my mental illness became too much to bare that she would leave me.

life has always been just too much for me. love doesn't change that either, unfortunately. im seriously contemplating ctb again, i have a plan i could set out, i just need to start saving money. a hotel room with a nice glass of sn sounds like a wonderful way to go. maybe i could listen to some music,go into a different town, make it a happy last day. hopefully i can last long enough to save money for my funeral too, cus my mom has made that clear that she will be financially ruined if she has to pay for my funeral right now.

as much as i love my gf, I don't know if i can live with myself for putting her through the pain of having her girlfriend kill herself. part of me hopes that the worst i get the sooner she will leave, because she doesn't deserve this shit. no one does.am I selfish for even continuing to date her if i know that my course will soon end in some random hotel?

 

[hopelessdreams]

i don't think any of us can tell you if you're being selfish. we've only read a snippet of your relationship. only the people in the relationship can decide what to do.

i myself wouldn't want anyone coming near me romantically because i'm fucked up. i know that negative energy is really easy to be influenced by, so i don't want anyone getting influenced badly by mine.

 

[Medicmedic72]

i don't think any of us can tell you if you're being selfish. we've only read a snippet of your relationship. only the people in the relationship can decide what to do.

i myself wouldn't want anyone coming near me romantically because i'm fucked up. i know that negative energy is really easy to be influenced by, so i don't want anyone getting influenced badly by mine.

Great reply. I concur.

 

[london3]

my gf has been my best friend for a little less than a year now. she's kind, gentle, and patient with me. she's seen me at my worst, heard me ugly sobbing, yet somehow she hasn't ran the fuck away. we started dating a month ago after having a crushes on each other for most of our entire friendship. she's amazing and i love her but im so worried im gonna fuck her up just like everything else i do. i made her promise me that if my mental illness became too much to bare that she would leave me.

life has always been just too much for me. love doesn't change that either, unfortunately. im seriously contemplating ctb again, i have a plan i could set out, i just need to start saving money. a hotel room with a nice glass of sn sounds like a wonderful way to go. maybe i could listen to some music,go into a different town, make it a happy last day. hopefully i can last long enough to save money for my funeral too, cus my mom has made that clear that she will be financially ruined if she has to pay for my funeral right now.

as much as i love my gf, I don't know if i can live with myself for putting her through the pain of having her girlfriend kill herself. part of me hopes that the worst i get the sooner she will leave, because she doesn't deserve this shit. no one does.am I selfish for even continuing to date her if i know that my course will soon end in some random hotel?

Really sorry to hear this, i hope you get better soon.

There is a great community here that will support you, feel free to vent

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like a difficult situation to be in, and I can imagine that it must be painful. I know that this life can be unbearable when you suffer so much. I'm sorry that it has come to this point for you and I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.