EnderAxe
New Member
- Mar 14, 2023
- 3
This might be a bit messy cause it's hard to collect my thoughts but here goes nothing
It's been around a year since I've started going out with my girlfriend and she's honestly pretty perfect. She finally showed me what love was after being in mostly toxic relationships but there's a very big problem that really bothers me. For context I'm a trans guy (ftm) so my whole life I've grown up and socialized with women only, so i naturally socialize better with women i just find them easier to get along with, i feel more comfortable around them like I can just be myself i don't force myself to fit into a box to push toxic masculinity at myself as i do when im around men. Now most of my friends are women but they're really important to me cause they've always been there and I've known some of them since preschool but my girlfriend gets insanely jealous over the littlest things. I spend 90% of my time with my gf and even if i have plans with other friends I almost always ask her if she wants to come with. My girlfriend is the most important person but friendships are also very important to me so I need to spend time with my friends that have been there for me so many times but if i even dare mention that I have plans with female friends she gets angry at me and doesn't want to talk to me. The same happens if i even mention another woman , dm'ed them recently, saw my friend on the street and greeted her etc. It gets so exhausting I feel really bad that im disappointing her or making her sad by this but I just can't leave my friends. In my last toxic relationship my ex was very similar she was more extreme but i was blindly in love and i started slowly leaving my friends behind, when she left me over nothing those same friends stayed up countless nights trying to keep me together i have learnt from that that friends will always be there for me and while I truly believe I will be with her forever i still find my friends very close to my heart and I will never leave them. Maybe it's important to note that my girlfriend has been left behind a lot and doesn't have many friends expect for me and i can somewhat understand her behavior but I haven't given her any reason to think I am disloyal and will leave her for other girls it makes me feel like she doesn't trust me and I just don't like the feeling of being controlled just talking to a female friend makes me feel like I am cheating on her or doing something wrong even if i just asked about the weather xd I have jealousy issues of my own but If she ever makes more guy friends i don't want to stop her from it or be overly controlling because under all that fear of abandonment i know she won't cheat on me I just don't get why she can't do the same especially since she knows why I don't have many guy friends and can't make many more because of the high standards I put on myself or just the general fear for my safety. But the worst part is the double standards. Today her ex friend ( he's a guy that she used to hangout with a lot like a year ago and i'm pretty sure (99%) she had a crush on him. they don't talk anymore) posted his face on facebook and she said to him randomly "very pretty pfp :3" and ik it was on impulse so i'm not mad i know she misses him still cause he was her best friend but still if I did the same exact thing and had the same exact situation with a girl there would've been a massive problem and i pointed it out to her about this whole thing and how i am bothered by her jealousy and double standard and she just replied " cause you still talk to them and I don't " and ended the convo there and went to sleep like i still talk to my female friends that I've never had any feelings for... what is the coloration here exactly???? idk man im so tried and i also strongly believe that relationships shouldn't be your partner is your whole world but that other things beside them exist imo it's unhealthy for your only friend to be your partner :( and it also makes me feel bad cause i see a lot of women say that it's a red flag when men have girl friends or don't want to block a girl when their gf asks them to and i feel like a bad bf but my girlfriend get jealous over totally platonic friends that I've known since kindergarten and any women that she may feel threatened by like the ones that joke flirt or just too touchy i immediately tell her about them and cut contact so- I also don't expect her to just stop being jealous because i know it's not that simple but at least acknowledge the problem and try to fix it or maybe at least talk to me about it. I just don't know what to do anymore and thinking abt my future with this girl stresses me out even more since now as it is i don't text anyone when im with her and only talk to my friends when i'm home alone ( like once a week) so what will happen when we move in together? i will constantly feel pressured to hide it or ignore my friends all together in the hopes that she doesn't get upset at me
lol if anyone reads this and knows ways how to deal with jealousy that i could recommend her or anything or maybe just how to get her to trust me more i'd be very helpful for any help i can get on this
It's been around a year since I've started going out with my girlfriend and she's honestly pretty perfect. She finally showed me what love was after being in mostly toxic relationships but there's a very big problem that really bothers me. For context I'm a trans guy (ftm) so my whole life I've grown up and socialized with women only, so i naturally socialize better with women i just find them easier to get along with, i feel more comfortable around them like I can just be myself i don't force myself to fit into a box to push toxic masculinity at myself as i do when im around men. Now most of my friends are women but they're really important to me cause they've always been there and I've known some of them since preschool but my girlfriend gets insanely jealous over the littlest things. I spend 90% of my time with my gf and even if i have plans with other friends I almost always ask her if she wants to come with. My girlfriend is the most important person but friendships are also very important to me so I need to spend time with my friends that have been there for me so many times but if i even dare mention that I have plans with female friends she gets angry at me and doesn't want to talk to me. The same happens if i even mention another woman , dm'ed them recently, saw my friend on the street and greeted her etc. It gets so exhausting I feel really bad that im disappointing her or making her sad by this but I just can't leave my friends. In my last toxic relationship my ex was very similar she was more extreme but i was blindly in love and i started slowly leaving my friends behind, when she left me over nothing those same friends stayed up countless nights trying to keep me together i have learnt from that that friends will always be there for me and while I truly believe I will be with her forever i still find my friends very close to my heart and I will never leave them. Maybe it's important to note that my girlfriend has been left behind a lot and doesn't have many friends expect for me and i can somewhat understand her behavior but I haven't given her any reason to think I am disloyal and will leave her for other girls it makes me feel like she doesn't trust me and I just don't like the feeling of being controlled just talking to a female friend makes me feel like I am cheating on her or doing something wrong even if i just asked about the weather xd I have jealousy issues of my own but If she ever makes more guy friends i don't want to stop her from it or be overly controlling because under all that fear of abandonment i know she won't cheat on me I just don't get why she can't do the same especially since she knows why I don't have many guy friends and can't make many more because of the high standards I put on myself or just the general fear for my safety. But the worst part is the double standards. Today her ex friend ( he's a guy that she used to hangout with a lot like a year ago and i'm pretty sure (99%) she had a crush on him. they don't talk anymore) posted his face on facebook and she said to him randomly "very pretty pfp :3" and ik it was on impulse so i'm not mad i know she misses him still cause he was her best friend but still if I did the same exact thing and had the same exact situation with a girl there would've been a massive problem and i pointed it out to her about this whole thing and how i am bothered by her jealousy and double standard and she just replied " cause you still talk to them and I don't " and ended the convo there and went to sleep like i still talk to my female friends that I've never had any feelings for... what is the coloration here exactly???? idk man im so tried and i also strongly believe that relationships shouldn't be your partner is your whole world but that other things beside them exist imo it's unhealthy for your only friend to be your partner :( and it also makes me feel bad cause i see a lot of women say that it's a red flag when men have girl friends or don't want to block a girl when their gf asks them to and i feel like a bad bf but my girlfriend get jealous over totally platonic friends that I've known since kindergarten and any women that she may feel threatened by like the ones that joke flirt or just too touchy i immediately tell her about them and cut contact so- I also don't expect her to just stop being jealous because i know it's not that simple but at least acknowledge the problem and try to fix it or maybe at least talk to me about it. I just don't know what to do anymore and thinking abt my future with this girl stresses me out even more since now as it is i don't text anyone when im with her and only talk to my friends when i'm home alone ( like once a week) so what will happen when we move in together? i will constantly feel pressured to hide it or ignore my friends all together in the hopes that she doesn't get upset at me
lol if anyone reads this and knows ways how to deal with jealousy that i could recommend her or anything or maybe just how to get her to trust me more i'd be very helpful for any help i can get on this
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