Venting my friends venting is just making me spiral more

[w@yn3sw0rld]

i don't want to sound like a asshole by this but my one my friends vents just makes everything so hard. they asked me if they could show me their self harm cuts and i said yes because they were obviously not well. And the cuts are just so triggering and makes me want to relapse. they cut almost past stryo and it is just makes me want to cut deeper so bad. ig it makes me feel competitive. idk how to tell them i can't take it in the space i am right now, maybe its for the best if i relapse

 

[meowmentous]

Wanting to be there for someone is perfectly reasonable, but not if it is at the point that it harms your own mental health. Please take a step back if needed. Tell them you love them, and care for them! But you just cannot deal with seeing their scars, and that's okay.

 

[Hvergelmir]

It's not like looking at the cuts will solve whatever they're going through. You can safely decline that, and still be a friend where it matters.
There's way too much mutually destructive behavior, labeled 'support'.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

i don't want to sound like a asshole by this but my one my friends vents just makes everything so hard. they asked me if they could show me their self harm cuts and i said yes because they were obviously not well. And the cuts are just so triggering and makes me want to relapse. they cut almost past stryo and it is just makes me want to cut deeper so bad. ig it makes me feel competitive. idk how to tell them i can't take it in the space i am right now, maybe its for the best if i relapse

This is… very painful to hear about. I know because I've been in the reverse of your current situation.

I'm not going to lie, your friend will be disappointed if you step away. Maybe even devastated. But they don't want to cause you pain. Of that, I am fairly certain. So, take care of your own well being. Your friend might have a hard time with it, but they will eventually understand.

 

[w@yn3sw0rld]

It's not like looking at there cuts will solve whatever they're going through. You can safely decline that, and still be a friend where it matters.
There's way too much mutually destructive behavior, labeled 'support'.

the thing is i feel like letting them show me their cuts helps them. almost a grounding thing or a way for their suffering to be validated. i don't want to take that from them

 

[Hvergelmir]

letting them show me their cuts helps them

I doubt that, but you must judge for yourself.
I suspect that there are deeper things that could use validation though. In my experience cutting tend to be symptom, rather than a core issue.

 

[Worndown]

Can you gently explain that you care about them and their issues, but you discovered these conversations are causing unexpected problems in your life?
Suggest focusing less on the "today" and more on the "tomorrow" and possible solutions.

 

[AmDead]

My boyfriend is going thru grief and I want to be there for him but every time I see him it's nothing but negative energy/emotions and makes it so hard to keep it together. I know it's not the same scenario but I too feel trapped in that I want to be there for him but I am not in the headspace..