Venting My "friends" try motivating me with things that make me feel worse.

[yourbloodymess]

The title says it all. All my friends try using "motivational" shit to try and make me not feel sad, but it ends up making me want to just disappear. I know i am making them sad being sad myself, but i know they are not being genuine trying to help, i can feel in the way they do it, they are just doing this to boost their ego, and even if they are doing that out of "goodness in their hearts", it isn't helping. They always say stupid shit like "stop putting too much pressure on yourself, you wont get anywhere with that", "you can do everything it if you try hard enough", "you are being spoiled, look at x, they suffer more than you", "your life wont get better if you do nothing", "you have to get over this, look at how sad your mother is" and other shit like that.
I know my family is sad because of me, it is the factor that makes me consider vanishing the most, I know that if I never existed everyone I know would be better, I know that I'm making my life hell, and others too, but they just make me want to disappear from this world even more.
Sorry for my bad english, it is not my first language. Sorry if I sound like a angry toddler.

 

[miserabletires9]

"look at x, they suffer more than you"

Ppl need to understand whatever the pain that person feels, it's the maximal pain to him.

 

[Seiba]

You don't seem like a toddler, you seem like someone who is alienated and not well understood by your peers. I'm sorry your experiences are being undermined. They're not realistically offering you any ways of working towards "doing everything if you try hard enough" with just words and not real strategy related to your personal history and context of your problems. The fallacy of others having it worse is quite common, I'm sorry they used it against you.

 

[pole]

like others have mentioned, you aren't being heard at all by those around you.

the interactions with others that you have reeks of toxic positivity. it's sad to see people thinking this is the way to go when comforting someone and it just shows how misunderstood the topic of how to go about discussing mental health is.

it also shows people have fucking awful communications skills nowadays. they seem to be listening to respond to you instead of actively listening to understand you. that's a huge issue nowadays and it sucks you're dealing with it firsthand.

 

[Seiba]

like others have mentioned, you aren't being heard at all by those around you.

the interactions with others that you have reeks of toxic positivity. it's sad to see people thinking this is the way to go when comforting someone and it just shows how misunderstood the topic of how to go about discussing mental health is.

it also shows people have fucking awful communications skills nowadays. they seem to be listening to respond to you instead of actively listening to understand you. that's a huge issue nowadays and it sucks you're dealing with it firsthand.

Toxic positivity is most definitely a part of this -- positivity that needs to have people improve at a certain pace or feel things at a certain pace is coming into play pretty massively. It's not something I thought to articulate, but the aspect of people having superficial positivity that is utterly destroyed by any experiences outside of the societal norm of emotions is at definitely at play.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally think that it would be best to stay away from people like that, they aren't really friends and they clearly lack compassion. It's just so insensitive and insulting what they are saying, I think that people who push toxic positivity onto other people really are so deluded.

 

[Linda]

The title says it all. All my friends try using "motivational" shit to try and make me not feel sad, but it ends up making me want to just disappear. I know i am making them sad being sad myself, but i know they are not being genuine trying to help, i can feel in the way they do it, they are just doing this to boost their ego, and even if they are doing that out of "goodness in their hearts", it isn't helping. They always say stupid shit like "stop putting too much pressure on yourself, you wont get anywhere with that", "you can do everything it if you try hard enough", "you are being spoiled, look at x, they suffer more than you", "your life wont get better if you do nothing", "you have to get over this, look at how sad your mother is" and other shit like that.
I know my family is sad because of me, it is the factor that makes me consider vanishing the most, I know that if I never existed everyone I know would be better, I know that I'm making my life hell, and others too, but they just make me want to disappear from this world even more.
Sorry for my bad english, it is not my first language. Sorry if I sound like a angry toddler.

You don't sound like an angry toddler. You are making sense. So, basically, your friends and family are not helping you. Do you have a therapist? I can't guarantee that a therapist would help, but she couldn't do any worse than your family and friends. If a therapist is not an option for you, or if you have one and she is no use, then you seem to have only two options. Either help yourself, or give up. I would be inclined to at least try the first of those for a while, before deciding to ctb.

 

[numbnesshuman]

I'm in a similar situation…friends with toxic positivity are trying to make me feel better, all I want just to be alone. Luckily most of them give up on me 4-5 years ago. I also can feel sadness on my parents face, and my mom is complaining about my reliance on them during current depression relapse in family dinner. I cannot control my negative thoughts and emotions, but I am trying to think what I really want to do instead of what they expect me to do.

English is not my first language too, sorry dear

 

[yourbloodymess]

Sorry for not responding previously, thank you so much for your kindness, I couldn't be happier, finally found someone who cares about what I have to say. I have already done something, I've just blocked them on everything and not spoken to them since todays morning, and I haven't been happier in years. I don't know if this problem is deserving of therapy or if I am a deserving of therapy, but thank you so much for the suggestion. I'm currently smiling from ear-to-ear seeing that I'm not being ignored.

 

[TAW122]

I had people like that in my life as well as some people from another group/community that I was once a part of. Yes, these toxic platitudes don't do me any good at all. In fact, I just feel even more depressed, misunderstood, and dismissed than before. And finally, it wouldn't surprise me if these kinds of people are anti-CTB (granted, I never mentioned CTB around them as it's too risky) and that if I did CTB (one day in the future) they'd most likely use mental illness as some facade and (wrong narrative) explanation for my woes while completely ignoring my suffering.

 

[LittleJem]

]https://www.wikihow.com/Speak-Supportively-to-Someone-with-Depression

There are other guides online to help people understand depression etc and what to say. But I tried to educate my family about depression and what to say and it never worked. When it came to my friends, a few stuck by me but I lost some too.