Story My friend ctb

[Exact Change]

I learned that my friend ctb. We were close from HS till we were in our 30s. Then, job, marriage, and families happened and we lost touch. I've wondered how my own ctb would affect people I knew. Now I know and it's gut wrenching.

Dave seemed to have it all. Great parents, job, wife, kids. He lost his job 7 years ago but then switched from trading stocks to being a sales rep someplace. Idk his finances but he was always smart and careful with money. He was always smiling. Never saw him down or even mad. A week ago he walked into the woods and ctb. Idk the method. I assume a gun and left notes on the bed.

I have been an immoral POS all my life. It isn't right I'm still here and he's not. His funeral will be packed. Mine will be almost empty. I spent today drinking heavily and calling some friends from the past. I mended one friendship and cut ties with the whore I had on the side.

I now understand what it means to be "triggered". I feel guilty I'm still here. I wonder if he knew about this site. I wonder if he still had my number. I lost his. I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle the funeral without ending up in a box too. But now I know some of the pain that is left behind. Thanks for reading.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[ctbgurl]

You can be suicidal without having depression, not saying he wasn't depressed but you never know. Some people who have it all still see no meaning in life. Doesn't that tell you something? Lol. I'm sorry about your friend though.

 

[FuneralCry]

At least all those who have left this world cannot suffer anymore. Rest in peace.

 

[Huntfish34]

Damn, I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this with us.

Thoughts and prayers-

 

[VioletNight]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Survivor's guilt can be overwhelming but just know it's not your fault and there's no guarantee you or anyone else could've done anything about it.

 

[DukeDestroyer]

Survivors guilt is a thing. Sorry for your loss.

 

[Abyssopelagic]

I'm sorry for your loss. Someone I had once been very close friends with CTB very recently and I can relate to your reaction and emotions a lot. Like others said, the survivor's guilt and pain is very real and very strong, especially when you have a personal history with this kind of thing yourself. Thank you for sharing.