My first (hopefully last) serious attempt

[Jul24]

Going to attempt the impossible one. Starting VSED right now. Had my last meal two hours ago. Emptied my fridge and pantry. I feel more determined than ever.
Doing it the hard way, no benzos, no painkillers. Want to see if my will to die is strong enough to kill me on its own.
Should be done within a week, sooner if a blood clot gets me. I'm a heavy smoker and I intend to stay in bed through the whole process.
Thirst will be the hardest part.
Wish me luck.

 

[litekiller11]

man youre gonna torture yourself even more . it really hurts me to see you guys choose the worst ways to ctb . theres another ways to test your will even tho you dont have to do it

 

[Jul24]

man youre gonna torture yourself even more . it really hurts me to see you guys choose the worst ways to ctb . theres another ways to test your will even tho you dont have to do it

I don't want an easy way out. CTB to me is a life thing. I want all the opportunities I can get to start regretting it so I can crush the regrets and deserve my death.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

That can take weeks. Others on here have tried it.. and failed.

Every single person has survival instinct, it is in our DNA.

It isn't easy to just stop eating and drinking. Eating is, but drinking? Nah. The first thing you do when you wake up is have a drink, because you haven't had one in so long.

 

[Jul24]

That can take weeks. Others on here have tried it.. and failed.

Every single person has survival instinct, it is in our DNA.

It isn't easy to just stop eating and drinking. Eating is, but drinking? Nah. The first thing you do when you wake up is have a drink, because you haven't had one in so long.

My theory is that the only way I can overcome my SI is by slowly doing irreversible damage to my body, which is achievable through VSED (not even considered suicide). I can't do cutting, hanging, shooting. I would call an ambulance 45 seconds after swallowing SN.

 

[tobeornot]

What's VSED?

 

[ToMoveOn]

What's VSED?

Voluntarily Stopping Eating and Drinking

 

[tobeornot]

Voluntarily Stopping Eating and Drinking

Oh ok. I never heard of that, intersting!

 

[angryloli]

dont feel any shame if u back out at any moment, this is a very painful way to go. im anorexic, yet i probably wouldnt be able to do that myself

 

[litekiller11]

I don't want an easy way out. CTB to me is a life thing. I want all the opportunities I can get to start regretting it so I can crush the regrets and deserve my death.

If you really hate yourself this much and want to prove your willingness go climb K2 mountain and i am not joking . i would like to climb that scary beast before i ctb

 

[kinderbueno]

Going to attempt the impossible one. Starting VSED right now. Had my last meal two hours ago. Emptied my fridge and pantry. I feel more determined than ever.
Doing it the hard way, no benzos, no painkillers. Want to see if my will to die is strong enough to kill me on its own.
Should be done within a week, sooner if a blood clot gets me. I'm a heavy smoker and I intend to stay in bed through the whole process.
Thirst will be the hardest part.
Wish me luck.

VSED is so difficult, how do you plan on sustaining it?

 

[Jul24]

27 hours since my last meal.
Feel fine, not even especially weak but I have been sleeping a lot.
Experienced some intense thirst this afternoon. Made the mistake of going out for a smoke. Felt lightheaded right after. My mouth is already pretty dried up, guessing because of the air conditioning.
Brushing your teeth helps with the dry mouth but not with the feeling of thirst, obviously. It passes, more or less like a sexual urge. Thinking the next two days will be pretty rough.

VSED is so difficult, how do you plan on sustaining it?

Right now, I just want to welcome the suffering and possible delirium.
I'll tell you when the suffering actually starts if my SI somehow kicks in.

If you really hate yourself this much and want to prove your willingness go climb K2 mountain and i am not joking . i would like to climb that scary beast before i ctb

I have some great memories of climbing Mount Mansfield with my dad back when he and I used to get along.
Right now I'm trying to focus on dying though. I've been in a state of unprecedented (for me anyway) anhedonia for the past few weeks. Can't even get erections anymore.

dont feel any shame if u back out at any moment, this is a very painful way to go. im anorexic, yet i probably wouldnt be able to do that myself

Thanks for your words. I'll try to keep you all posted through my process, to the best of my abilities.

 

[b1cycle]

Well seems like an awful way to go but I'm interested to see where this goes

 

[b1cycle]

How are you doing, op?

 

[funeralcat]

How is it going?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I hope you find peace.

If you're still with us, how r u doing?