Venting my fault my fault my fault my fault

[ctb★prince]

no matter what i do no matter how mu h i try no matter how much stay in the shadows no matter how much i try to fit in everything is always my fault being abandoned is my fault being abused is my fault being othered is my fault being discriminated against is my fault being disabled is my fault having disorders is my fault everything always everywhere and whenever i finally pop once in a while and try to stand in my defence i get told that i can never admit to my fault and that im making problems and that its all because of me im always the problem im the problem because i was born female im the problem because i was born transgender im the problem because i was born autistic im the problem because i was born fat and ugly and its all my fault what the fuck do i have to do to finally know peace if not bash my head on rocks and stones till i die

 

[Blue Elephant]

We live in a world where it's a bad thing to show weakness, to complain.. but sometimes these things happen, sometimes I show weakness because I am weak, sometimes I complain because I suffer. It's natural to let these things out, keeping them in would likely damage us internally. It's not your fault most of the times, it's just that the others have the wrong reactions, but this is their problem really.

 

[ctb★prince]

We live in a world where it's a bad thing to show weakness, to complain.. but sometimes these things happen, sometimes I show weakness because I am weak, sometimes I complain because I suffer. It's natural to let these things out, keeping them in would likely damage us internally. It's not your fault most of the times, it's just that the others have the wrong reactions, but this is their problem really.

some often admit to blaming me just because theyre afraid of seeing their wrongs, i dont know why im such an easy target to use and blame, wish i knew, its making me sad, im trying to stay strong but honestly im losing that strenght...

 

[wildflowers1996]

I don't believe any of this is your fault :(

 

[ctb★prince]

I don't believe any of this is your fault :(

worst thing is that im way past the point of believing that, ive heard people straightforwardly admit to putting blame on me to feel better about themselves, but being aware makes it hurt far worse, i know its not true, they know its not true, but im not allowed to say anything, it crushes me

 

[ctb★prince]

no matter what i do no matter how mu h i try no matter how much stay in the shadows no matter how much i try to fit in everything is always my fault being abandoned is my fault being abused is my fault being othered is my fault being discriminated against is my fault being disabled is my fault having disorders is my fault everything always everywhere and whenever i finally pop once in a while and try to stand in my defence i get told that i can never admit to my fault and that im making problems and that its all because of me im always the problem im the problem because i was born female im the problem because i was born transgender im the problem because i was born autistic im the problem because i was born fat and ugly and its all my fault what the fuck do i have to do to finally know peace if not bash my head on rocks and stones till i die

my father just blamed me for something i hadnt even done while misgendering me and i just got mad like one would, instead of saying sorry upon seeing his mistakes he just said I'm overreacting, old fuck i will be overreacting once i start smashing my own face with a brick

 

[Blue Elephant]

some often admit to blaming me just because theyre afraid of seeing their wrongs, i dont know why im such an easy target to use and blame, wish i knew, its making me sad, im trying to stay strong but honestly im losing that strenght...

Maybe instead of being strong you should try not giving a fuck. How to? When someone says something with the purpose of hurting you then just turn around and walk away! It's a double win.

 

[ctb★prince]

Maybe instead of being strong you should try not giving a fuck. How to? When someone says something with the purpose of hurting you then just turn around and walk away! It's a double win.

tried that, everything got worse, whenever i pull out my idc attitude people tend to react in the weirdest ways including assault, if there is a god it must be fun toying with me because what the hell!!!

 

[Blue Elephant]

tried that, everything got worse, whenever i pull out my idc attitude people tend to react in the weirdest ways including assault, if there is a god it must be fun toying with me because what the hell!!!

How can they assault you if you actually walked away? You are not physically there anymore.

 

[egionesco]

How can they assault you if you actually walked away? You are not physically there anymore.

If someone chases after you there's not much you can do. You can try but if they really want to fuck with you they can.

To the OP, I'm not sure how old you are, but your dad sounds like an asshole. Is it possible to get out of this space entirely?

And so you know, it is not your fault that you're getting abused. It is possible that you could learn some strategies that would minimize the abuse, but this is merely learning how to cope in an unfair situation you cannot get out of. It's not your fault.

 

[ctb★prince]

How can they assault you if you actually walked away? You are not physically there anymore.

sometimes i cant have physically leave and in those cases people just go crazy instead of going silent, its like a cartoon atp

If someone chases after you there's not much you can do. You can try but if they really want to fuck with you they can.

To the OP, I'm not sure how old you are, but your dad sounds like an asshole. Is it possible to get out of this space entirely?

And so you know, it is not your fault that you're getting abused. It is possible that you could learn some strategies that would minimize the abuse, but this is merely learning how to cope in an unfair situation you cannot get out of. It's not your fault.

im already 19 but due to being on the spectrum i have major troubles with navigating the world on my own, im kind of stuck, ill just have to get through this but theres so much rage in me bottled up its crazy..

If someone chases after you there's not much you can do. You can try but if they really want to fuck with you they can.

To the OP, I'm not sure how old you are, but your dad sounds like an asshole. Is it possible to get out of this space entirely?

And so you know, it is not your fault that you're getting abused. It is possible that you could learn some strategies that would minimize the abuse, but this is merely learning how to cope in an unfair situation you cannot get out of. It's not your fault.

im already 19 but due to being on the spectrum i have major troubles with navigating the world on my own, im kind of stuck, ill just have to get through this but theres so much rage in me bottled up its crazy..

 

[Blue Elephant]

sometimes i cant have physically leave

Oh, you're right! I'm sorry, sometimes situations can be bad. Actually, if I think about it, I can say that I've been though this sometimes with my dad and sometimes with my boss. In the first case I was lucky that my mum divorced that piece of shit and in the second case I quit my jobs. When I was little I was crying, when I was older it felt like I was underwater holding my breath, I never mastered the situation. It's very very difficult to be Zen when there is so much pressure applied to us. : (

but theres so much rage in me bottled up its crazy..

A friend of mine (also a user of these forums actually) suggested: screaming and/or listening to loud rock music! I think he is right. These will not solve the situation but maybe it will help until you can get away!? I don't know, I'm just trying to help.

 

[ctb★prince]

When I was little I was crying, when I was older it felt like I was underwater holding my breath, I never mastered the situation.

i often get that shitty feeling too!! its so overwhelming...