
Michelstaedter
Member
- Feb 25, 2025
- 45
The only reason I'm holding back from searching so hard for my CTB is because of him. In some ways, he's a sensitive person. He suffered from hardship as a child, had good parents, and suffered the loss of both as he grew up, which meant he had to live alone for a long time and work practically his entire life. He's not a bad person, although he's not perfect. I can imagine what would happen if I committed CTB.
For some time now, I've formed such a strong bond with the pets I've had that losing them has been very hard. Remembering when they were alive and then seeing their lifeless bodies, without warmth, is very sad. Currently, I have one left, who's already reached the average lifespan, but she's sick; she doesn't have much time left. I've cried, I've suffered, and I'm afraid of her passing, as it's a feeling of helplessness, pain, sadness, bitterness, and many emotions. They've been like my children, and losing them, even in a "natural" way, is hard. I don't want to imagine what it must have been like for my father.
I'm aware that this is a personal decision and not a teenage slight. Nor is it because I feel life hasn't given me what I wanted. It's more because life is painful. I don't see any essential meaning beyond living the moments. Therefore, it has become something overwhelming and agonizing. In society, politicians and businessmen, the "elite," aren't interested in people, much less the sick (in body or mind). Therefore, my idea is more about rejecting life in the face of the slavery they have instilled in us. We are their livestock, and they are the "true humans," or those who move the world, the valuable ones. I don't accept this, and for me, the act of rebelling is to leave this world, where pain and satisfaction no longer exist, because this world has its essence, and it's disgusting.
For some time now, I've formed such a strong bond with the pets I've had that losing them has been very hard. Remembering when they were alive and then seeing their lifeless bodies, without warmth, is very sad. Currently, I have one left, who's already reached the average lifespan, but she's sick; she doesn't have much time left. I've cried, I've suffered, and I'm afraid of her passing, as it's a feeling of helplessness, pain, sadness, bitterness, and many emotions. They've been like my children, and losing them, even in a "natural" way, is hard. I don't want to imagine what it must have been like for my father.
I'm aware that this is a personal decision and not a teenage slight. Nor is it because I feel life hasn't given me what I wanted. It's more because life is painful. I don't see any essential meaning beyond living the moments. Therefore, it has become something overwhelming and agonizing. In society, politicians and businessmen, the "elite," aren't interested in people, much less the sick (in body or mind). Therefore, my idea is more about rejecting life in the face of the slavery they have instilled in us. We are their livestock, and they are the "true humans," or those who move the world, the valuable ones. I don't accept this, and for me, the act of rebelling is to leave this world, where pain and satisfaction no longer exist, because this world has its essence, and it's disgusting.