imonadeadline
Call me Line! :P
- Aug 15, 2023
- 82
My family will never pay for the medical bills that it will take to get me clinically diagnosed with depression. I don't want to self diagnose, but it's no question that I have it. I have active suicidal ideation, I've practiced hanging myself multiple times since the age of 11, I've been reckless with my own safety, and I simply cannot find a glimmer of hope that I will even make it to my target deadline.
I think that it's worth noting that that they ignored my first cries of help when I was beginning to go deaf on my right ear. They ignored it and scolded me for my "excessive" use of earphones, even when I explained that it was mainly caused by my rhinitis. I slowly, agonizingly, went deaf and they were all dumbfounded when the doctors properly diagnosed me with a rare type of ear infection. They didn't care until it was too late, and it'll be the same this time around.
I don't think that I'll ever get properly treated by a doctor, so CTB is my only way out. I still find joy in life, maybe that's just my SI talking. But for the most part, I really don't see myself happy when I reach my target age.
I think that it's worth noting that that they ignored my first cries of help when I was beginning to go deaf on my right ear. They ignored it and scolded me for my "excessive" use of earphones, even when I explained that it was mainly caused by my rhinitis. I slowly, agonizingly, went deaf and they were all dumbfounded when the doctors properly diagnosed me with a rare type of ear infection. They didn't care until it was too late, and it'll be the same this time around.
I don't think that I'll ever get properly treated by a doctor, so CTB is my only way out. I still find joy in life, maybe that's just my SI talking. But for the most part, I really don't see myself happy when I reach my target age.