my family will be devastated if i kill myself and i don't how to deal with it

[dune7263]

I was reading through the suicide bereavement subreddit and I just don't know what to do, I want ctb so badly but my family will be a shell of their former selves

 

[Rymrgand]

My death also would be traumatic for my family, but they don't deserve me, so my own well-being is a priority. Being selfish is considered as something bad, but we all need to be selfish sometimes.

That said, maybe your case is not the same as mine. Do you have a healthy relationship with your family? Have you talked to them about your problems? If recovery is possible, maybe you could try to talk about it with them. If recovery is not possible, maybe you can try to make them understand that you need to CTB. I feel like if you disappear suddenly, for not apparent reason, it would be worse for them.

If not, I'm not sure myself how to deal with it. I'm lucky (?) that I don't have no one who I care about, so I don't have this problem.

 

[StrawberryRed]

I was reading through the suicide bereavement subreddit and I just don't know what to do, I want ctb so badly but my family will be a shell of their former selves

I go on that subreddit all the time too. Every story on there is so sad, I dont know if anyone in my life would be that upset, but it still makes me think twice and feel guilty. Does anyone in your family know about your issues? If they dont u should tell them, it seems like they care alot about you. Even if u do decide to do it, either way it would make things easier.

 

[TheHolySword]

It's important to come to terms with the fact that there's nothing you can really do. You have to accept that it will scar them for the rest of their lives, there will always be a pain. It is unavoidable with something like this. I can't tell you how to cope with it because I'm living every day with guilt and misery. You can try to recover if you feel it is possible and want to try for your loved ones, but otherwise you will simply have to understand how your decision will affect them and die with that.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

It's out of your control. Your suffering, however, isn't.

 

[Corvette90]

That said, maybe your case is not the same as mine. Do you have a healthy relationship with your family? Have you talked to them about your problems? If recovery is possible, maybe you could try to talk about it with them. If recovery is not possible, maybe you can try to make them understand that you need to CTB. I feel like if you disappear suddenly, for not apparent reason, it would be worse for them.

This is great advice for you @dune7263 . I get the impression that you have a loving family. I would definitely advise opening up to them first if you feel safe to do so.

Does anyone in your family know about your issues? If they dont u should tell them, it seems like they care alot about you. Even if u do decide to do it, either way it would make things easier.

I also strongly agree with @StrawberryRed !

It's important to come to terms with the fact that there's nothing you can really do. You have to accept that it will scar them for the rest of their lives, there will always be a pain. It is unavoidable with something like this. I can't tell you how to cope with it because I'm living every day with guilt and misery. You can try to recover if you feel it is possible and want to try for your loved ones, but otherwise you will simply have to understand how your decision will affect them and die with that.

This is also very true. For my situation I just hope I don't create a contagion to my young nephew as he has expressed apathy to life etc. I feel guilty that I'm so close to them so I am trying harder at the moment to recover. Weeks ago my young niece delivered me a hand written invitation to attend her assembly (broke my heart how much she felt that she wanted me there). I don't feel like I'm a selfish person at all but this is a very tough decision to make. I can't just live in misery for others even though my heart breaks. I'm already a shell. But @TheHolySword is correct in that you will scar them forever there is no way to sugar coat it. Unfortunately this is a situation alot of us are at. I know the adults in the family will be fine as I'm not very close to them, it's just the kids I'm worried about.
I would however consider all the advice that others have said on here regarding exhausting all other options first.

 

[Peace2peace]

I was reading through the suicide bereavement subreddit and I just don't know what to do, I want ctb so badly but my family will be a shell of their former selves

Lol I do go through it just to see people's reactions

 

[locked*n*loaded]

People who are truly "ready" to go reach a point where they don't care how devastating their ctb might be on others. In other words, for them, the pain of staying alive reaches a point, a "critical mass", if you will, that far outweighs and nullifies any guilt over what their death might do to others.

 

[dune7263]

My death also would be traumatic for my family, but they don't deserve me, so my own well-being is a priority. Being selfish is considered as something bad, but we all need to be selfish sometimes.

That said, maybe your case is not the same as mine. Do you have a healthy relationship with your family? Have you talked to them about your problems? If recovery is possible, maybe you could try to talk about it with them. If recovery is not possible, maybe you can try to make them understand that you need to CTB. I feel like if you disappear suddenly, for not apparent reason, it would be worse for them.

If not, I'm not sure myself how to deal with it. I'm lucky (?) that I don't have no one who I care about, so I don't have this problem.

how do I make them understand? they are a religious family and suicide is seen as a sin

 

[slinkey10]

It's important to come to terms with the fact that there's nothing you can really do. You have to accept that it will scar them for the rest of their lives, there will always be a pain. It is unavoidable with something like this. I can't tell you how to cope with it because I'm living every day with guilt and misery. You can try to recover if you feel it is possible and want to try for your loved ones, but otherwise you will simply have to understand how your decision will affect them and die with that.

This!!

You, I, anyone else thinking abt ctb has to overide this thinking or you never will do it - its a trap.
IMO

 

[Rymrgand]

how do I make them understand? they are a religious family and suicide is seen as a sin

I don't know, sorry. Do you have a good relationship with them? Do they know about your problems?

If you want them to understand that suicide is not as terrible as they may think, maybe compare it to euthanasia. If they agree that death could be the only solution for some people, it's a good start. But of course, it's still a sin, even if it's irrational, so if they are religious maybe they are prolife too.

In any case, they won't be able to completely understand. If they love you, they will probably feel guilty, like they were a failure as a parent.

Despite that, you need to do what you need to do. If your pain is so severe that you desire death, then you should try to relieve that pain, even if that hurts them. You can't save them, but you can save yourself.

 

[RoyalBengalAutistic]

I was reading through the suicide bereavement subreddit and I just don't know what to do, I want ctb so badly but my family will be a shell of their former selves

Don't do it