violetforever
Experienced
- Dec 24, 2025
- 243
i am not myself around my family. i have to remind myself of this to not completely lose my mind. i know at my default form without the abuse i am a calm and sweet person. maybe even too shy. being angry from conflict makes me feel like somebody else.
today my mom let my grandpa yell at me about an issue between me and my mom that didn't concern him at all. my mom just silently sat there and let him because she's afraid of him and he controls her life in a lot of aspects. i absolutely hate my grandpa so i don't care about getting into arguments with my him besides how much anxiety it gives me. i was so fed up that i said "i don't need a man to tell me what i already know". well he missed the point of what i said entirely, just as i expected from a patronizing man. i didn't say i pretend to know everything at my age like he argued. i said i don't need A MAN to tell me things I DO know at my age. i don't want to listen to a man blatantly treat me like a senseless/helpless/inferior young woman and disguise it as advice. much less do i want that from a man with a history of abuse like him.
after i left with my mom i asked her "why do you let him talk to me like that?" and she just said "what? that's just how he is. he's spoken to me like that my entire life". i asked her if she thinks that's ok and she admitted she's used to it so it's normal. i reiterated that i asked if it's OK not if it's NORMAL for HIM or HER and she went silent. i already know my mom will never stick up for me against him because she won't even stick up for herself or any of the other women in our family. i feel sorry that the women in my family are so defeated by his abuse that they just accept it but at the same time i'm upset with them. i'm always there for them and point out when they are mistreated but now i've grown to really have to suffer too. i'm not "disciplined" like them. i'll call things out now if they bother me, even if it gets me mistakenly labeled as crazy or the problem within our family. there is no family to begin with. i hate our family. i don't care what my family did or does for me in my life, nothing can ever make up for abuse and the never ending trauma it creates. it's too late if my mom ever decides to go against my grandpa. the things she's said to me, the things she's let him get away with saying to me or to other women in front of me already made me done with her. just get me away from my useless mom and everyone else here. i dream of ropes and guns and cliffs when i'm near them.
today my mom let my grandpa yell at me about an issue between me and my mom that didn't concern him at all. my mom just silently sat there and let him because she's afraid of him and he controls her life in a lot of aspects. i absolutely hate my grandpa so i don't care about getting into arguments with my him besides how much anxiety it gives me. i was so fed up that i said "i don't need a man to tell me what i already know". well he missed the point of what i said entirely, just as i expected from a patronizing man. i didn't say i pretend to know everything at my age like he argued. i said i don't need A MAN to tell me things I DO know at my age. i don't want to listen to a man blatantly treat me like a senseless/helpless/inferior young woman and disguise it as advice. much less do i want that from a man with a history of abuse like him.
after i left with my mom i asked her "why do you let him talk to me like that?" and she just said "what? that's just how he is. he's spoken to me like that my entire life". i asked her if she thinks that's ok and she admitted she's used to it so it's normal. i reiterated that i asked if it's OK not if it's NORMAL for HIM or HER and she went silent. i already know my mom will never stick up for me against him because she won't even stick up for herself or any of the other women in our family. i feel sorry that the women in my family are so defeated by his abuse that they just accept it but at the same time i'm upset with them. i'm always there for them and point out when they are mistreated but now i've grown to really have to suffer too. i'm not "disciplined" like them. i'll call things out now if they bother me, even if it gets me mistakenly labeled as crazy or the problem within our family. there is no family to begin with. i hate our family. i don't care what my family did or does for me in my life, nothing can ever make up for abuse and the never ending trauma it creates. it's too late if my mom ever decides to go against my grandpa. the things she's said to me, the things she's let him get away with saying to me or to other women in front of me already made me done with her. just get me away from my useless mom and everyone else here. i dream of ropes and guns and cliffs when i'm near them.
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