Story my failed attempt

[fantum_k]

i remember when i was 7 i cryed for hours every night before i went to bed scared i would die in my sleep i cryed myself to sleep for years eventually i just forced myself to stop thinking about it scared of death, scared that everything would go black and everything i ever knew would disappear eternal darkness no feeling, no life just emptiness. despite most of my family believed in god and spending my elementary years in a Christian school the idea that i would die and be sent to a place as horrible as hell and be tortured forever because i didn't live up to the standers of a god i didn't see or feel a god who saw me in my truist form and truly believed i'm not good enough that made me realize the etarnal darkness no feeling no emotion was the good option I would rather cease to exist then live in a world where my one creator the owner of my world my body and my soul didn't think i was good enough that made me realize the etarnal darkness no feeling no emotion was the better option I would rather cease to exist then live in a world where my one creator the owner of my world my body and my soul didn't think i was good enough i made my first attempt at 12 suicide via drowning and failed miserably at it

 

[FuneralCry]

To me, drowning sounds like a horrible way to try and die that is difficult to succeed with, it sounds so awful going through a failed attempt, I hate how in this world those who want to die cannot just pass away in peace. But I very strongly believe that we just completely cease to exist after we leave this world, to me that is the best thing possible and is what I see as being completely ideal as in nonexistence there is no more suffering.