Story My experience

[Miss clefable]

The first thing I remember was being hit in the head with a golf club at ten years old by a so called friend he never said sorry around the same age I saw a bus driver run over pigeons slowly in front of me I could hear there heads being crushed under the wheels and exploding.Around eleven my mum got worse on alcohol she would constantly harass me smashing doors and breaking my stuff saying I should of never been born and that I was a mistake had police constantly checking on me because my mum would spam call them saying she's stabbed me to death also I remember seeing her lying on the floor in a pool of blood eventually I got taken away by social services where I would end up living with my Granparents for five years it felt like I traded chaos with too much control I could never be myself so for five years I became someone else to cope with this situation I remember being slapped in the face by my auntie at some point my nan was lovely but grandad was just to controlling my school life was okay apart from teachers saying I was evil I only ever made one friend in real life and now he's gone I've always been a loner I don't understand why people hate me feels like I'm cursed skip forward to college I was in a course full of lad types who saw me as weak they threw rocks at me threatened to kill me by bashing my head in with spades put sand in my eyes after that I isolated myself for three years I began to self harm by cutting and over eating to the point I was 31 stone at some point I became anorexic and lost 17 stone from then my I became me a woman at 23 this is where I knew doctors are no help but gatekeepers I lost all trust in them then I met someone who I thought was nice ended up raping me became homeless being chased by men in a park running through trees on that cold night I remember almost dying that night I fell a sleep letting the cold take over me hoping I would die it never happened

 

[blurr21]

Seems you ve been through quite a lot...

 

[Miss clefable]

Seems you ve been through quite a lot...

Yes

 

[DreamFreedom]

Wow, I'm sorry I'm still trying to get the pidgeons out of my head. That's horrible. It's so weird listening to other peoples lives like this and realising compared to so many other people, how easy I had it. you had to deal with so much terrible stuff and your still here, I'd say that's brave. You must be a very strong person.

 

[Miss clefable]

Hugs your still valid my strength is running out

 

[Wantingpeace]

Wow awful..I'm so sorry hug xx

The bit about pigeons..I always used to take to animals :/ I saw a car run over a little baby bird and same as you described but was quite close to it talking to it. Awful

 

[Miss clefable]

Wow awful..I'm so sorry hug xx

The bit about pigeons..I always used to take to animals :/ I saw a car run over a little baby bird and same as you described but was quite close to it talking to it. Awful

Hugs yeah :( from that day on I learned what humans can be like

 

[Miss clefable]

I've avoided mental health services to the best of my ability

 

[406blue]

Life can be very brutal as we know but rarely do people experience such things as this, your story makes me feel like a sap who just needs to get his shit together. It will wear off as it always does. I was in india at a bus station 6 months ago and behind the ticket office there was a man who was naked and literally covered in flies, motionless but alive, emaciated. The ticket man went and found a policeman, who beat this individual with a stick and shouted at him and failing to get him to move just left him there. You could barely see the body for the flies.

I was in a car with someone who deliberately drove through a flock of birds one day. It was 30 years ago and i remember it like yesterday. Sickening.

You must have great strength to still be here, perhaps it will see you through longer than you imagine.

 

[Deleted member 1496]

Not that you'd want me to, but if you did, I wish I could sit next to you and hug you and take all those hits and yells from other people so you wouldn't. *hugs*

 

[Miss clefable]

Life can be very brutal as we know but rarely do people experience such things as this, your story makes me feel like a sap who just needs to get his shit together. It will wear off as it always does. I was in india at a bus station 6 months ago and behind the ticket office there was a man who was naked and literally covered in flies, motionless but alive, emaciated. The ticket man went and found a policeman, who beat this individual with a stick and shouted at him and failing to get him to move just left him there. You could barely see the body for the flies.

You must have great strength to still be here, perhaps it will see you through longer than you imagine.

:( this world is just horrible I'm 26 now and I have seen enough to know this is never going to change I feel sorry for that guy

 

[Miss clefable]

Not that you'd want me to, but if you did, I wish I could sit next to you and hug you and take all those hits and yells from other people so you wouldn't. *hugs*

I'll take the hugs but I will keep the hits

 

[406blue]

:( this world is just horrible I'm 26 now and I have seen enough to know this is never going to change I feel sorry for that guy

The world isn't going to change very much, no. What a lot of people seem to be able to do is switch off from it all, self preservation or just insensitivity, conditioning.

 

[Miss clefable]

The world isn't going to change very much, no. What a lot of people seem to be able to do is switch off from it all, self preservation or just insensitivity, conditioning.

That's my problem I just can't

 

[Miss clefable]

I have memories also of my mother saying she wished i had never been born, that why couldn't i be like my friends who came round, chasing me upstairs to hit me after i did or said something amiss. i remember getting smacked so hard on the back of the head for not wanting to eat something on my plate. Nothing like what you describe really but as children these things affect us deeply and we do our best to make the best of it.

All I know there is one cure well for me at least

 

[MachineGunDani]

The first thing I remember was being hit in the head with a golf club at ten years old by a so called friend he never said sorry around the same age I saw a bus driver run over pigeons slowly in front of me I could hear there heads being crushed under the wheels and exploding.Around eleven my mum got worse on alcohol she would constantly harass me smashing doors and breaking my stuff saying I should of never been born and that I was a mistake had police constantly checking on me because my mum would spam call them saying she's stabbed me to death also I remember seeing her lying on the floor in a pool of blood eventually I got taken away by social services where I would end up living with my Granparents for five years it felt like I traded chaos with too much control I could never be myself so for five years I became someone else to cope with this situation I remember being slapped in the face by my auntie at some point my nan was lovely but grandad was just to controlling my school life was okay apart from teachers saying I was evil I only ever made one friend in real life and now he's gone I've always been a loner I don't understand why people hate me feels like I'm cursed skip forward to college I was in a course full of lad types who saw me as weak they threw rocks at me threatened to kill me by bashing my head in with spades put sand in my eyes after that I isolated myself for three years I began to self harm by cutting and over eating to the point I was 31 stone at some point I became anorexic and lost 17 stone from then my I became me a woman at 23 this is where I knew doctors are no help but gatekeepers I lost all trust in them then I met someone who I thought was nice ended up raping me became homeless being chased by men in a park running through trees on that cold night I remember almost dying that night I fell a sleep letting the cold take over me hoping I would die it never happened

I'm so sorry clef that sounds traumatic. I can tell ur a strong person! Hugs!!

 

[blueming]

I can't imagine what it must have been like, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I actually don't know what to say because what you've experienced sounds absolutely terrible, you are really an amazing person to still be alive in this world <3 I hope that you find your peace soon.

 

[Miss clefable]

I can't imagine what it must have been like, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I actually don't know what to say because what you've experienced sounds absolutely terrible, you are really an amazing person to still be alive in this world <3 I hope that you find your peace soon.

Hugs I will and I hope you do too whatever your choice be

 

[Miss clefable]

I'm so sorry clef that sounds traumatic. I can tell ur a strong person! Hugs!!

Hugs I'm slowly breaking though

 

[MachineGunDani]

Hugs I'm slowly breaking though

I kno :( me too. I just want peace!

 

[Miss clefable]

I kno :( me too. I just want peace!

Same :(

 

[Miss clefable]

Thanks for the kind words hopefully I'm gonna die soon

 

[Lara Francis]

Hugs miss.
You never should have had to go through that.you have amazing strength.
I wish you peace and an end to your suffering x

 

[Fucking loving it]

That's a lot miss. Sending hugs and love. Thank you for sharing with us. @♡

 

[weedoge]

I'm glad you could finally talk about your experiences on here @Miss clefable

 

[SamK]

♡♡♡ Appreciate you sharing with us Miiss. Clefable. And still none of this has changed you inside, you are still a lovely, warm, generous person and you should be proud of that. Hugs

 

[bigj75]

Jesus Christ and people still believe you should leave all that in the past and get over wanting to ctb.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

I saw a bus driver run over pigeons slowly in front of me I could hear there heads being crushed under the wheels and exploding.

I can't get past this.

The best thing I read all day, and that's saying something considering I constantly write graphic stories about anorexic women killing themselves in cemeteries.

 

[NOISYMIND]

I am so sorry to hear all this... I can't imagine how your past traumatises you in everyday life. I genuinely wish I could give you a hug in person.

*HUGS*

 

[Miss clefable]

I am so sorry to hear all this... I can't imagine how your past traumatises you in everyday life. I genuinely wish I could give you a hug in person.

*HUGS*

Hugs