Venting My existence is a joke

[Rocinante]

I'm a failure at everything I do and a disappointment to everyone. I never have the energy to put the effort towards accomplishing something. I have no achievements or skills to be proud of. I've wasted the last 6 years away secluding myself from everyone because I was too pissed at the world for how I was treated. I am a zero.

I still fail to see any reason to continue. The only reason I'm still alive is because I feel obligated to my parents for wasting their time raising me, a living failure. I will disappear Deep into the woods to off myself and that will be that. Nobody will be too concerned with my death because they'll always question if I'm actually dead.

And aging any further absolutely disturbs me. I'm already nearing a quarter century old. I don't want to become old and decrepit. Looks were the only thing I had going for me and the only thing people "appreciated" me for. Soon everyone will find me repulsive. Time can only move in one direction. I've tried my hardest to keep my face as youthful in appearance as possible but it will only last so long. I need to go while I'm still on top.

 

[Abdullah]

Good luck on whatever you do, friend. I know exactly how you feel. I just wish you the courage to see it through. Sometimes I wish we could magically reset and stop ourselves from making the errors that have led us to seek this path.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also find the thought of ageing to be disturbing. Existing certainly is so incredibly pointless and dreadful, especially as all that we are destined for is to be tormented by old age, slowly decaying just for everything to be forgotten about in death. I can never understand how anyone actually wants to age, as it's true that ageing just leads to more suffering all for the sake of it.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Same here. I once spent 5 years in a room, barely ever leaving the house.
I just existed, playing games and spending time on the computer. Or just sleeping, or staring at the walls.
I became a deeply solitary person who wanted nothing to do with the world outside. I viewed it as an evil construct.
Everything in this life is temporary.
Nothing ever lasts. Everything ends in loss, or suffering.
We are set up to fail in this shitshow world, so what is the point in existing anyway ?

 

[lucines]

Making memories with friends, accruing achievements, dating, learning from heartbreak, moving out, starting your first full time job, for most people these experiences define their early and mid-twenties and are what allow them to transition into full fledged adults. Sure, some people might miss out on one, maybe two of these experiences but this is how it goes for most people. Unfortunately there are always exceptions and some are unlucky enough to either have these experiences end in failure or not experience any of these at all. What is insidious about this is that it's through shared experiences that people bond, making it extremely difficult to reintegrate into society once you have strayed too far off "the" life path. Furthermore, you're more likely to be targeted by those looking to ostracize and bully others. It's only natural that those unfortunate enough to be in our shoes would eventually turn to suicide.

I've also missed out on every single formative experience despite my best efforts, mistreatment at the hands of mental health "professionals" has finally made me realize that life will never be worth it for me, hence my return to this site. I'm sorry life hasn't been kind to you as well, it sounds like you've been through a lot. Fwiw, the fact that you like lotgh (assuming from your avatar) makes you more than a zero in my book.

 

[Rocinante]

I've also missed out on every single formative experience despite my best efforts, mistreatment at the hands of mental health "professionals" has finally made me realize that life will never be worth it for me, hence my return to this site.

Sorry to hear you're going through the same thing, it's a terrible life.
Yep, it's hard to live a life with any semblance of normalcy when I've missed out everything my peers experienced. I guess I'm starting at the bottom so my life can only move in one direction, which is up.

I'm sorry life hasn't been kind to you as well, it sounds like you've been through a lot. Fwiw, the fact that you like lotgh (assuming from your avatar) makes you more than a zero in my book.

Thanks, I'm getting around to rewatching the series after nearly a decade. But I started with the movies this time, instead of just viewing the OVA. I never followed along much during my first watch(I rarely followed subtitles), so it's like a first viewing.
Someone else brought up my avi the other day too, it's iconic

 

[voc_89]

I also had no clue if what I was doing in my mid 20s would give me a successful life or not. I was miserable as, compared to my other friends on social meida it seemed like I was getting left in the dust. Who was married. Getting their first home. About to have kids, etc. I believe they were further ahead of me as I missed alot of social milestones. Even so, I was able to land a good job (out of the blue... i was basically begged to apply for it... but i was so into a routine then that I didn't want to shake it up by 'going back to being an adult' lol) so my early 30s is way more secure and fulfillingish (it never gets perfect else I wouldn't be here). I think thats the thing that no one says. While others may seem ahead of u at this time it doesn't mean its game over. U do however have to make some shifts in life and maybe those will create an opportunity that u once thought was long gone. Also, if you belong to lotgh or the JoJo fandom u can never be a zero. The zeros are those who live this life without knowing of the existence of these works of art.