Help my ex broke my heart

[JustWantItToStop]

I had been dating this girl for a year and a half and we broke up around September because of her cheating. She cheated on me multiple times and I forgave her multiple times. I forgave her because I wanted to help her, be with her and grow with her. She was my first everything... And we had been there for each other throughout, always together 24 7. She and I both had depression. However she tried to ctb a once or twice in our relationship. Anyways, she moved on from me really fast with a new guy, who she claimed to me was just a friend before we broke up. But I didn't trust her. I feel so empty now and feels like she has moved on and forgotten about me. As if I was just a toy and she got bored.

Here I am today still stuck hoping she would one day come back and love me again. I know that I should move on, but it seems impossible because I loved her so so so much. I have been having suicidal thoughts a lot lately and I feel like I'm the one that needs saving now. I feel lost and have no motivation to go on with my life. I can't stand suffering and watching my ex moving on and being happy with another person. I just can't cope anymore...

 

[pole]

sorry about what you've gone through. trust me i get it.

there's gonna come a day where she's gonna realize who she lost and the type of person she lost and that she won't ever get a person like you again and regret taking you for granted.

hope you find peace.

 

[Azzy69]

OP, I am so sorry. Don't be in a hurry to move on. You are clearly hurting very badly and IT TAKES TIME to heal
Is there anything nice you could do for yourself?..... (i.e. holiday, eating your favourite meal).

 

[Hopeindeath!]

If you REALLY want to be together with her, and you're able to forgive her cheating, you could try to win her back. You both have a history together that's something the new guy doesn't have with her. Part of her probably still loves you. You could start leaving her cards and flowers, and be as nice as you can to her. Invite her to the places you both used to go just to talk. Offer to help her with things you know she needs help with. Be the person she fell in love with. It just may be that she will want to get back together with you. I know it's possible, because my ex-boyfriend did all this for me, and I took him back even though he was the one who cheated. I'm not saying you should do this. It's just an option you might not be aware of.

 

[Nem]

Sorry to hear this! You're probably better off it just doesn't feel that way right at the moment
Peace/hugs

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

I can relate i do hope it gets easier

 

[enjoy]

hey, i'm also dealing with some really bad heartbreak. if you ever need a friend to relate to or have a nice chat with, my inbox is always open!

 

[Final Escape]

Your ex gf sounds like she might have borderline personality disorder. I would look into this because it is more common than people think. It's impossible for u to have a lasting relationship with a girl who has this unless they get treatment and treatment is difficult to access. It lasts 6 to 16yrs of therapy to cure this. I know I have this disorder myself and have watched many YouTube videos about it. Explaining in detail how it looks in relationships. It might help u get over it easier if u understand about this condition and it's not your fault. A untreated borderline cannot have lasting relationships usually with anyone because we are developmentally at like 2 yrs old emotionally. It comes with cognitive impairments, low impulse control.

 

[Forever or never]

I have a verry verry smililar case. It was 5 years and she was my Life basically. If you want pm me. Would really appreciate it

 

[Soul]

I had my heart broken by the love of my life. The best advice I got when the wound was fresh was to decide how long I would wait for him to come back. I put off the deadline more than once, but finally I "moved on".

I don't know why that helped so much. Maybe it was just such a contrast to all the people urging me to be angry and to see him as worthless, etc. But how could I, when he was the love of my life? Setting a date to close the chapter was much gentler.

(He came back around five years later and still is the love of my life.)

 

[BPD Barbie]

Your ex gf sounds like she might have borderline personality disorder. I would look into this because it is more common than people think. It's impossible for u to have a lasting relationship with a girl who has this unless they get treatment and treatment is difficult to access. It lasts 6 to 16yrs of therapy to cure this. I know I have this disorder myself and have watched many YouTube videos about it. Explaining in detail how it looks in relationships. It might help u get over it easier if u understand about this condition and it's not your fault. A untreated borderline cannot have lasting relationships usually with anyone because we are developmentally at like 2 yrs old emotionally. It comes with cognitive impairments, low impulse control.

That's incredibly harsh and hurtful to people who have BPD to categorise and further stigmatise us. There are already so many threads on various places on the Internet degrading us, painting us in a bad light as nasty and manipulative. Honestly, if you have BPD, I'd expect more from you. For anyone new to BPD, you can love, you can be loved and you can recover. Please do not believe this insensitive comment.

OP, I'm sorry you went through this. In the grand scheme of things, you will see once the hurt passes that in many ways you're better off away from someone who can treat you like that. It might not seem that way now, but a few months or weeks down the line and you will find that you're better off. Always here if you need to talk.

 

[WingedFallen]

During my first heartbreak I had very similar feelings to you. I would come home every evening for several weeks and just lay down and cry for hours while listening to sad music to make me cry more. She was the moon of my life, I thought I was going to marry this girl, and she too was my first everything (though I was most certainly not her's, though she lied to me at the time that there hadn't been many). It took me a long, long time to stop worshipping her, to stop pining for her, and most of all to realize the truth that she actually was not a good person, had lied to me thousands of times, and was just a generally awful influence on my life. I still have limited contact with her, and I haven't forgotten how I felt about her even though it's been nearly 15 years now, but looking at her life I am so, so glad I am not part of it. She's abandoned at least one of her children, just left in the night without telling the child's father, who she was living with. I thought something awful had happened to her because it was so sudden, and she had told me so many awful things about the father (all of which I have come to doubt, though I don't know for sure). Mutual friends of our's felt so too. Then it comes up on social media that she's hours away in another city with another guy, posting things like "finally with him!" and what not.

I'm not saying your ex is anything like mine, but my point here is that time not only heals wounds, but changes perspectives. I know you can't see the end of the tunnel right now and that the pain is washing over you at every moment, but I can guarantee you that you will feel different with time. I'm not saying it won't still hurt, I'm not saying you won't still wonder, and I'm not saying it'll make it any easier to see your ex with someone else. But I believe you will be okay, and you will find love again.

But until then, cry all you need to. Journal about it (I did mountains of that). Be strong. You've got this.

Much love, friend.

 

[Final Escape]

That's incredibly harsh and hurtful to people who have BPD to categorise and further stigmatise us. There are already so many threads on various places on the Internet degrading us, painting us in a bad light as nasty and manipulative. Honestly, if you have BPD, I'd expect more from you. For anyone new to BPD, you can love, you can be loved and you can recover. Please do not believe this insensitive comment.

OP, I'm sorry you went through this. In the grand scheme of things, you will see once the hurt passes that in many ways you're better off away from someone who can treat you like that. It might not seem that way now, but a few months or weeks down the line and you will find that you're better off. Always here if you need to talk.

I'm sorry it came off as harsh or insulting. I absolutely have a severe case of BPD and it's complicated by early trauma. Maybe some borderlines if they have enough of a support system and access to the right therapies can have relationships a bit easier but for the ones like me who had no family that cared or extended family to intervene at all I was damaged severely in my childhood. I basically raised myself so it then became very hard when I was attempting to have relationships as I got into adolescence and onward. I have what is referred to as quiet borderline, the more acting inward as opposed to being externally acting out so I was not ending up in the emergency room or often getting in trouble with law but the pain and frustration of trying to be a functional person in society was just the same. Borderlines are not actually manipulative and I never said this btwy. It appears like we are manipulative to some people but the truth is that it has to do with never having learned how to get what u want from others in more effective and mature ways. So it's not an intentional manipulation, you're not consciously doing it to screw with people, it's like lack of awareness or insight into how u look and behave with others. You are ruled by emotions and it's difficult to self regulate.

 

[I.P.N]

I had been dating this girl for a year and a half and we broke up around September because of her cheating. She cheated on me multiple times and I forgave her multiple times. I forgave her because I wanted to help her, be with her and grow with her. She was my first everything... And we had been there for each other throughout, always together 24 7. She and I both had depression. However she tried to ctb a once or twice in our relationship. Anyways, she moved on from me really fast with a new guy, who she claimed to me was just a friend before we broke up. But I didn't trust her. I feel so empty now and feels like she has moved on and forgotten about me. As if I was just a toy and she got bored.

Here I am today still stuck hoping she would one day come back and love me again. I know that I should move on, but it seems impossible because I loved her so so so much. I have been having suicidal thoughts a lot lately and I feel like I'm the one that needs saving now. I feel lost and have no motivation to go on with my life. I can't stand suffering and watching my ex moving on and being happy with another person. I just can't cope anymore...

Same here. Except that I'm still with her while she's in love with someone else :(

 

[JustWantItToStop]

I had been dating this girl for a year and a half and we broke up around September because of her cheating. She cheated on me multiple times and I forgave her multiple times. I forgave her because I wanted to help her, be with her and grow with her. She was my first everything... And we had been there for each other throughout, always together 24 7. She and I both had depression. However she tried to ctb a once or twice in our relationship. Anyways, she moved on from me really fast with a new guy, who she claimed to me was just a friend before we broke up. But I didn't trust her. I feel so empty now and feels like she has moved on and forgotten about me. As if I was just a toy and she got bored.

Here I am today still stuck hoping she would one day come back and love me again. I know that I should move on, but it seems impossible because I loved her so so so much. I have been having suicidal thoughts a lot lately and I feel like I'm the one that needs saving now. I feel lost and have no motivation to go on with my life. I can't stand suffering and watching my ex moving on and being happy with another person. I just can't cope anymore...

UPDATE: Sorry I haven't replied to anyone in this thread. I cut myself from social media and the internet since writing that thread to help me stop seeing my ex's social media and thought that would help me get away from my thoughts. It was hard to cut myself off from her and I ended up talking to her on the phone. When I was speaking to her I was so happy to just hear her voice, but I could hear her texting a lot when we were on the phone. I was hurt because I knew it was probably her bf. I messaged her today, but her replies were cold and hard to respond to. Which hurt me too because I always read our messages from back when we first met and she was so different. She was sweet, caring and made me so happy. Maybe that person that I knew never existed and this is her the real her.

I know if I were to send her gifts and cards like one of you guys suggested, she wouldn't appreciate it as I have given her stuff before and she just forgets about it or throws it away. She also told her bf that she had no feelings left for me and despised me right after we broke up and then blocked me on everything. But I was added to a random group call with her in it by a mutual friend a few weeks ago and she unblocked me on that app only.

Every single day since we've broken up, I've been hurting. I just want to numb this pain so much. I tried some stupid stuff over the past few months and I really don't know how much longer I can cope. I still remember she told me that she would never give up on us, after all, we have been through so much. But she gave up.

sorry about what you've gone through. trust me i get it.

there's gonna come a day where she's gonna realize who she lost and the type of person she lost and that she won't ever get a person like you again and regret taking you for granted.

hope you find peace.

I hope one day she will come back but I just don't know how much longer I have. I just hope it's not too late.

OP, I am so sorry. Don't be in a hurry to move on. You are clearly hurting very badly and IT TAKES TIME to heal
Is there anything nice you could do for yourself?..... (i.e. holiday, eating your favourite meal).

I don't have any motivation lately to get up, shower, eat or even function as a normal person.
I live by myself so I can easily stay in bed all day and do nothing. It's gotten to the point where I know it's bad because I don't even get up to go to the bathroom until I feel pain in my bladder. I really want to function again and change but it's sooooo hard.

If you REALLY want to be together with her, and you're able to forgive her cheating, you could try to win her back. You both have a history together that's something the new guy doesn't have with her. Part of her probably still loves you. You could start leaving her cards and flowers, and be as nice as you can to her. Invite her to the places you both used to go just to talk. Offer to help her with things you know she needs help with. Be the person she fell in love with. It just may be that she will want to get back together with you. I know it's possible, because my ex-boyfriend did all this for me, and I took him back even though he was the one who cheated. I'm not saying you should do this. It's just an option you might not be aware of.

I don't know whether she loves me anymore. I am still the same person she fell in love with. sadly,.. she also fell out of love with me. She told her new bf she hates me. She has never reached out to me over the past few months me if I am doing ok. She's blocked me on almost everything. Losing her hurts so much but I know even if we do get back together she would cheat on me again. I have a lot of trust issues and insecurities with her. I just have so much love for her, so I think I would be able to forgive her again and again but she doesn't even want to talk to me anymore.

Sorry to hear this! You're probably better off it just doesn't feel that way right at the moment
Peace/hugs

Thank you!

I can relate i do hope it gets easier

Thank you!

Same here. Except that I'm still with her while she's in love with someone else :(

I hope you the best :(

During my first heartbreak I had very similar feelings to you. I would come home every evening for several weeks and just lay down and cry for hours while listening to sad music to make me cry more. She was the moon of my life, I thought I was going to marry this girl, and she too was my first everything (though I was most certainly not her's, though she lied to me at the time that there hadn't been many). It took me a long, long time to stop worshipping her, to stop pining for her, and most of all to realize the truth that she actually was not a good person, had lied to me thousands of times, and was just a generally awful influence on my life. I still have limited contact with her, and I haven't forgotten how I felt about her even though it's been nearly 15 years now, but looking at her life I am so, so glad I am not part of it. She's abandoned at least one of her children, just left in the night without telling the child's father, who she was living with. I thought something awful had happened to her because it was so sudden, and she had told me so many awful things about the father (all of which I have come to doubt, though I don't know for sure). Mutual friends of our's felt so too. Then it comes up on social media that she's hours away in another city with another guy, posting things like "finally with him!" and what not.

I'm not saying your ex is anything like mine, but my point here is that time not only heals wounds, but changes perspectives. I know you can't see the end of the tunnel right now and that the pain is washing over you at every moment, but I can guarantee you that you will feel different with time. I'm not saying it won't still hurt, I'm not saying you won't still wonder, and I'm not saying it'll make it any easier to see your ex with someone else. But I believe you will be okay, and you will find love again.

But until then, cry all you need to. Journal about it (I did mountains of that). Be strong. You've got this.

Much love, friend.

Thank you for your advice, I really do appreciate this. That really fucking sucks what had to go through. I really wish I could stop thinking about my ex but this is my first heartbreak and I didn't realise how much of my life and happiness depended on her. Much love to you too! <3

 

[Dripping]

I had my heart broken by the love of my life. The best advice I got when the wound was fresh was to decide how long I would wait for him to come back. I put off the deadline more than once, but finally I "moved on".

This is the best advice someone could give you. I had a similar experience, 10 years together and suddenly she left "because she vanted to have fun". She changed her mind in 3 months and she have bipolar disorder. You need to decide a day and upon that decision move on if time has expired, because you can not continue having her in your life. Don't feel as the only that can help her, because she has to want that help, otherwise move away. Ask yourself which life you want to live, because she betrayed you and that prevent trust from building up.
I wish you the best and remember you need strenght and bravery and you deserve to be loved.