My (ex) best friend killed himself today.

[Dear Agony]

I have no idea what to think. I'm still so shocked. When I received the news I started shaking and crying and felt hot all over, but 5 minutes after, just numbness and I went through my day like nothing even happened.
He was also the first person I've ever loved romantically. He started dating my childhood best friend and stopped talking to me (yeah it's a long story) but for 2 years I wanted the universe to give him a payback. I wanted the both of them to suffer like I do because of them. I just never meant... this.
2 days ago he messaged me asking to hang out, and I said "no, because I don't want to make you uncomfortable." He answered "fair". That was the last time I talked to him. I contemplated sending him a message multiple times during these two days. I even typed the message, then deleted it. I wonder if it would've changed anything if I had gone out for drinks with him. But I was too afraid.
I never actually told him I loved him, I just assume someone else did it for me, hell, I'm not even sure if he knew how much I loved him. How much he hurt me. And now he will never know.
I got a call from a common friend today, saying he jumped off a building.
I remember one of the conversations we had, because he always criticized me for having no goals (he was a guy full of goals for the future, he was an actor and wanted to be famous. And hell, he was good, and smart). "I don't wanna be like you. I don't wanna be left unseen".
Oh, sweet irony... I don't know what to think anymore.

 

[The Divine Comedy]

You could not have forseen the outcome, therefore you bear no responsibility. Many of us know someone who has ended themselves - you are in good company. I hope he is finally at peace.

 

[motel rooms]

(he was a guy full of goals for the future, he was an actor and wanted to be famous. And hell, he was good, and smart). "I don't wanna be like you. I don't wanna be left unseen".

It's never healthy to believe you'll only be seen if you become famous. I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[Midgardsorm]

It's difficult to find words in these moments. Even if I could, there would be so much to say and little effect to make.

even typed the message, then deleted it. I wonder if it would've changed anything if I had gone out for drinks with him.

This is something that we hear a lot from people that lose others to suicide. Especially when there's a news about suicide, something like that.

It seems you're trying to blame yourself for what happened. You shouldn't.

Sometimes people are to blame, but that's not in your case.

Take easy on yourself. It's already a unbearable feeling you're having to deal with it. Please don't make it harder.

I'm sorry for your loss.

He is in peace now. May he watch over you and guide you for your future from now on.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Of course now he is at peace and is free from suffering, but I understand that it is painful to lose people that we know. I wish you the best.

 

[Dear Agony]

It's never healthy to believe you'll only be seen if you become famous. I'm sorry for your loss.

I know, and he was so sure he would become famous as well, always so excited about it. I wonder if that was all because, deep down, he felt like his life would be a waste of time/worthless if he didn't become someone who would be remembered, and then reality came crashing down when he hit his 20's. Well, for that he wouldn't need to worry anymore, because I'll never forget him.

It's difficult to find words in these moments. Even if I could, there would be so much to say and little effect to make.



This is something that we hear a lot from people that lose others to suicide. Especially when there's a news about suicide, something like that.

It seems you're trying to blame yourself for what happened. You shouldn't.

Sometimes people are to blame, but that's not in your case.

Take easy on yourself. It's already a unbearable feeling you're having to deal with it. Please don't make it harder.

I'm sorry for your loss.

He is in peace now. May he watch over you and guide you for your future from now on.

Thank you so much. It does make me feel better that this seems like a common thing to feel when you lose someone close to suicide. I think I've realized by now there was nothing I could've done, it's most likely he invited me for drinks to say goodbye, because he did the same to another friend of mine and he refused as well because he had a date. Well, I would be even sadder now if I had seen him right before he died, as much as I wish I could've said goodbye, it's probably best that I didn't get to.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Of course now he is at peace and is free from suffering, but I understand that it is painful to lose people that we know. I wish you the best.

You're right, that does make me feel better. I guess I am not sad for him, for he is at peace now; I'm sad for myself and everyone left that is suffering, especially his parents and his girlfriend. It's hard wrapping your head around someone close to you just not existing anymore, even though they're probably better off than us now. Thank you.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

So sorry for your loss. I don't really have anything to add that hasn't been said. At least he is at peace and his struggle is over.

 

[Eddypaddy]

Im really sorry for you loss..

 

[Marktheghost]

I'm sorry for your loss. I don't know what else to say.