My end

[SadGirl]

My girlfriend broke up with me a few days ago. I don't really know why. I was just looking at pictures of her and crying, feeling a pain in my chest. I miss her, and I still have feelings. Should I ask her the real reason for the breakup? Or should I just try to get over it? I recently returned from psychiatric treatment for depression, and she broke up with me the same day.

 

[Irisse]

To be honest I think you should definitely ask her why, you deserve that closure. But if she doesn't respond or the relationship can't be fixed, I guess there's no other way than getting over it, if you decide to live. But give yourself some time to grieve first.

 

[Seneca65AD]

I am literally the last person to give advice on this - I have been in a stable, pretty healthy relationship for 20 years. However, I do remember every serious break-up as if it were yesterday. S who called me from a bar to advise she met someone. M who called me after a business trip to advise we needed to talk, and I could go on and on. I recall the dates, times, weather and my location when I was notified - jesus, even now I'm putting up verbal blocks to limit my old feelings - using terms like "advised" and "notified" keeps it more clinical for me.

But every time I wanted to know why - and every time I found it really didn't matter why. The purpose of my inquiry was to keep in contact with them - in my mind, if I could keep in contact, then there was a chance of getting back together with them. Sometimes it worked, but only for a short time. So, no advice - only a question: What is the purpose of trying to find out why and does it really matter? Okay - 2 questions.

Edited for grammar....

 

[omega706]

Knowing could make it worse, It did for me.

 

[venerated-vader]

But every time I wanted to know why - and every time I found it really didn't matter why. The purpose of my inquiry was to keep in contact with them - in my mind, if I could keep in contact, then there was a chance of getting back together with them. Sometimes it worked, but only for a short time. So, no advice - only a question: What is the purpose of trying to find out why and does it really matter? Okay - 2 questions.

Edited for grammar....

1000000% this!! I fell into that exact same trap back in the day.

Should I ask her the real reason for the breakup? Or should I just try to get over it?

IMO no one can give us the kind of closure you might be looking for-- that's something we have to give ourselves. Asking for reasons is only gonna open the wounds again because their reasoning is inherently subjective, and nothing they say about you positive or negative is going to make you a better or more well-adjusted person. If they were interested in helping you, they would have already told you why. So I wouldn't say 'get over it'-- I'd say 'try to make peace with it'.

 

[SadGirl]

I asked her, and she said the relationship was worn out. She helped me a lot financially, and she regrets it. She said she no longer felt attracted to me; we only argued for various reasons. She truly broke my heart; I literally felt pain in my chest. She doesn't want to come back even though I told her I've improved and would improve even more for her because I still love her. Anyway, I guess there's nothing more to be done.