• If you haven't yet, we highly encourage you to check out our Recovery Resources thread!
  • Hey Guest,

    As you know, censorship around the world has been ramping up at an alarming pace. The UK and OFCOM has singled out this community and have been focusing its censorship efforts here. It takes a good amount of resources to maintain the infrastructure for our community and to resist this censorship. We would appreciate any and all donations.

    Bitcoin (BTC): 39deg9i6Zp1GdrwyKkqZU6rAbsEspvLBJt
    ETH: 0xd799aF8E2e5cEd14cdb344e6D6A9f18011B79BE9
    Monero (XMR): 49tuJbzxwVPUhhDjzz6H222Kh8baKe6rDEsXgE617DVSDD8UKNaXvKNU8dEVRTAFH9Av8gKkn4jDzVGF25snJgNfUfKKNC8
G

golgappa

Member
Oct 7, 2024
74
7 march 2025
(2:43 Am)

I know tomorrow is gonna be a bad and stressful day, so should I even bother to care? Cause of my laziness, I will lose the deadline again, a disappointment like I always am. I can't even be good at something I'm supposed to be a master in.

15th March is my last day at work. I need to find something else really fast. I don't regret resigning, but now I have to suffer the consequences of it. But I don't understand—if I wanna kill myself, then why do I wanna try? In my mind, I was working to earn some money for the travel just to kill myself, then why? I hate living, I cry every day, I love no one, but still, I wanna try? Every year I start with goals. This year, I even wrote my only goal is to kill myself.
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: 사람이 없어, Chuuya-Chan ⋆. 𐙚˚, The_Hunter and 1 other person
foggyskies_

foggyskies_

In traveling, companionship- in life, sympathy.
Dec 16, 2024
42
I'm really sorry about all the hell you're going through. I'd say there's some worth in trying, even for a little while. That desire is a part of you saying it still wants to experience things, regardless of what you decide. I don't think you're lazy either. Intense pain, hating life as much as you do... Nobody can get work done in a state like that. Even if they're a master, your hands and brain don't align when you're sick.

Work, deadlines, success are all man-made creations. We were made to enjoy life, not to be parts of a machine. Simply existing is success from an evolutionary standpoint. Maybe after you leave your job, it'll give some much needed time to rest and reflect?

I hope you find peace wherever you end up. ♡
 
  • Like
Reactions: 사람이 없어 and golgappa
G

golgappa

Member
Oct 7, 2024
74
Same day

(5:58 PM)

Not much happened at work, but I just lost a friend—or at least, I thought he was a friend. He blatantly told me he was surprised he hadn't blocked me yet. Naturally, anyone would be curious if someone they considered a friend said something like that, so I asked why he was saying those things. We had been joking around, so I wanted to clarify. He responded, "If this topic ever came up before, I would have said the same thing."

And I don't know—something just flipped in my head. I removed him from everything—my life, Instagram, WhatsApp. My list of friends keeps getting smaller, and I don't know why. I always get the wrong idea, thinking we're close friends, but the other person never seems to think so.
 
G

golgappa

Member
Oct 7, 2024
74
11 march 2025
(11:58 PM)

Thing's are ok nothing bad going on but I still keep thinking i should end it , nothing bad is happening but nothing too is happening too I am tired it's 15th soon i will miss the deadline and even if I don't miss it I will lose ik same with my job I am just existing I hate it , I hate it
 
G

golgappa

Member
Oct 7, 2024
74
17 Match 2025
(5:35 AM)

Yesterday i went of with my family and I saw someone I haven't met for a long time i didn't see properly but that person looked very similar and now all i can think of is when I met that person last time and now there is no difference I am in same place he will probably go and make fun of me not to mention I keep remembering old people i used to know it's like they are creeping on me even if the chapter is over i always thought blocking people who don't bring anything good to my life is ok but I just regret how things went it's the biggest demotivation for me to keep living, after 3 days of from work I will be back again i can't help but feel useless the company I work for is a startup ik it's not going anywhere cause the both owners have different vision and the idea is shit I am tried of switching jobs ever 6 months for once I just want this to work so I can work on myself half of the time I am worried about these stupid things I need time for me 🙂 so I just hope things go well and I can chill in 1 place for a while help myself grow, learn new things
 
G

golgappa

Member
Oct 7, 2024
74
18 march 2025
(1:30Am)
I been wanting to move to banglore for the longest time now that I have the chance to move (my boss asked me to move next month) i don't feel like it , of course the salary is a issue I can't move to a place like banglore in my salary will need atleast 60k and even if I get the salary is it worth moving after a long time i feel relaxed going back to a hectic life wake up- travel - work - Sleep I will have no time for me idk what to do I feel like if I accept the offer i might end up messing up my mental health more not to mention I will have no one for support but it will be easier to catch a train if I decide to, this is very confusing I just hope I get that much salary at home only cause I applied to a US job but my luck sucks and I never get what I want so ik I won't get it just dreaming about it to be broken in the end, and there is no point in being confused too cause ik I won't get a 60k offer so yea life will suck as much as it's sucked today
 

Similar threads

Chuuya-Chan ⋆. 𐙚˚
Replies
0
Views
95
Recovery
Chuuya-Chan ⋆. 𐙚˚
Chuuya-Chan ⋆. 𐙚˚
femcelloser
Replies
15
Views
377
Suicide Discussion
femcelloser
femcelloser
Chuuya-Chan ⋆. 𐙚˚
Replies
0
Views
93
Recovery
Chuuya-Chan ⋆. 𐙚˚
Chuuya-Chan ⋆. 𐙚˚
g0ne1nthew1nd
Replies
3
Views
167
Suicide Discussion
g0ne1nthew1nd
g0ne1nthew1nd
L
Replies
17
Views
508
Suicide Discussion
grapevoid
grapevoid