I used to be that friend—the one people came to for financial advice. Everyone thought I was the responsible one. But the truth is, ever since my mom passed away three years ago, everything changed. My depression got worse. I stopped budgeting. I started spending recklessly—on videogames, alcohol, lottery tickets. I blew through all my savings.
Now I'm $3,000 in debt. It's not a huge number, but with my current situation, it feels like a mountain. I make about $1,800 a month. After rent, food, and meds, I'm left with barely $800—and I use all of that to repay microloans. I've been living in a loop: borrowing from one app to pay another. Week after week. It's a trap I can't get out of.
I don't understand how I got here. I used to be so disciplined. Now I just feel like I'm sinking deeper into a hole.
Today I had a breakdown. I hurt myself because I couldn't come up with $180 to complete a payment on my biggest debt. It's around $1,000, and the bank was offering a discount—but I missed the window. My next paycheck comes on the 31st, but I'll have to use that for rent. I won't have enough for my microloan payments. Or food. Or meds.
I just don't understand how I am so useless. So Iittle. All of my friends are investing, traveling, even buying houses. I feel like a living scam. I hate myself so much because I'm useless and an idiot. I feel hopeless. t feels like every time I try to fix things, some dumb mistake from the past drags me back down
I'm considering ending my life this week I want to CTB on Nov 14 but the financial stresss is gettin
g worse.
I'm writing this while I can't get my shit together, stop crying. I'm such a mess.
Now I'm $3,000 in debt. It's not a huge number, but with my current situation, it feels like a mountain. I make about $1,800 a month. After rent, food, and meds, I'm left with barely $800—and I use all of that to repay microloans. I've been living in a loop: borrowing from one app to pay another. Week after week. It's a trap I can't get out of.
I don't understand how I got here. I used to be so disciplined. Now I just feel like I'm sinking deeper into a hole.
Today I had a breakdown. I hurt myself because I couldn't come up with $180 to complete a payment on my biggest debt. It's around $1,000, and the bank was offering a discount—but I missed the window. My next paycheck comes on the 31st, but I'll have to use that for rent. I won't have enough for my microloan payments. Or food. Or meds.
I just don't understand how I am so useless. So Iittle. All of my friends are investing, traveling, even buying houses. I feel like a living scam. I hate myself so much because I'm useless and an idiot. I feel hopeless. t feels like every time I try to fix things, some dumb mistake from the past drags me back down
I'm considering ending my life this week I want to CTB on Nov 14 but the financial stresss is gettin
g worse.
I'm writing this while I can't get my shit together, stop crying. I'm such a mess.
