LiveOrganization97
I wish I was like you - easily amused
- Jul 27, 2024
- 21
I'm the odd one out. A lot of drama happens because of me, because of BPD, because I'm so sensitive I cry at the drop of a hat. I force them to take care of me and when they don't I feel overwhelmed with the sensation they don't really love me. Therefore they end up spending so much time reassuring me they do, and still I can't bring myself up to believe them. I'm an inconvenience. I'm an undesirable. My love doesn't count.
I'm the one that makes things complicated for all of them. They all have to walk on egg shells for me. If I only I was stronger. If only I wasn't mentally ill.
So sure, they'd miss me for a while maybe, but in the long run it would be for the better. They wouldn't have to to adjust their behavior to avoid hurting me. They wouldn't have to pick up my insane calls late at night. They wouldn't have to give me the same advice over and over and over again - the advice that never worked on me, not even once. They wouldn't have to sacrifice that much just to keep me barely afloat. None of them is a therapist - none of them should feel pressured to come and rescue me anytime there's an emergency, which is any other day.
People were right when they said I'm always having a bad time. It's true. That's why I wanna die. I don't want this pain, let alone to inflict it onto others.
It's for the better. Their lives will be so much easier without me.
I love them and it's not enough.
They might care for me, and it doesn't reach me.
It's for the better.
I'm the one that makes things complicated for all of them. They all have to walk on egg shells for me. If I only I was stronger. If only I wasn't mentally ill.
So sure, they'd miss me for a while maybe, but in the long run it would be for the better. They wouldn't have to to adjust their behavior to avoid hurting me. They wouldn't have to pick up my insane calls late at night. They wouldn't have to give me the same advice over and over and over again - the advice that never worked on me, not even once. They wouldn't have to sacrifice that much just to keep me barely afloat. None of them is a therapist - none of them should feel pressured to come and rescue me anytime there's an emergency, which is any other day.
People were right when they said I'm always having a bad time. It's true. That's why I wanna die. I don't want this pain, let alone to inflict it onto others.
It's for the better. Their lives will be so much easier without me.
I love them and it's not enough.
They might care for me, and it doesn't reach me.
It's for the better.