Venting my daydreaming is the only thing keeping me alive

[iamheresoareyou]

as the title suggests, yup i have my own world of delusion in my head
and i've been developing it since i was a child
a world where i look different, i have a different family, i have good boyfriends, nice friends and i find myself in interesting situations
despite it being all fictional, it gives me real joy and a liberating dissociation from reality
it feels like death in a way
that instead of being present in the hell hole of your life you are fully focused and immersed in whatever juicy scenario you are playing out in your mind palace
but.....it's not perfect, i can't just stay delusional and be a living, breathing human at the same time
the sense of responsibility forbids me from completely disconnecting myself and choosing where my reality is
maybe it sounds insane but it's kinda sad for me that if i die there will be no more daydreaming, that i have to leave all those characters and 'memories' behind
but that seems like an awful reason to keep going
why should i keep myself alive to indulge in something that doesn't even exist
maybe after i die i will spawn myself in a body which will let me go through the stories i initially made

 

[LastFlowers]

I do relate to this to some degree, but like you, I've concluded that it's certainly not a good reason to keep going despite all else.
And imagination can become more and more difficult to sustain, when the brain knows that there is no real possibility of any of these more favorable scenarios playing out…not even remotely. Most daydreaming comes with the desire to prepare for something or to experience wish fulfillment.
While imagination for imagination's sake or for perpetual escape from an unrelenting reality..just doesn't hold up against said reality.
It will break down or interfere with life, thus making it more difficult to make room for a respite that will need to be relied upon more and more.


I am very sad too..that the only time I was able to be myself, the only memories I would want to leave behind..are trapped within the consciousness of my mind, in the recesses that others would not access in life and cannot access in death.

 

[iamheresoareyou]

I do relate to this to some degree, but like you, I've concluded that it's certainly not a good reason to keep going despite all else.
And imagination can become more and more difficult to sustain, when the brain knows that there is no real possibility of any of these more favorable scenarios playing out…not even remotely. Most daydreaming comes with the desire to prepare for something or to experience wish fulfillment.
While imagination for imagination's sake or for perpetual escape from an unrelenting reality..just doesn't hold up against said reality.
It will break down or interfere with life, thus making it more difficult to make room for a respite that will need to be relied upon more and more.


I am very sad too..that the only time I was able to be myself, the only memories I would want to leave behind..are trapped within the consciousness of my mind, in the recesses that others would not access in life and cannot access in death.

as i am getting older it's only getting harder and harder to get away with dissociation which is frustrating

 

[LastFlowers]

as i am getting older it's only getting harder and harder to get away with dissociation which is frustrating

I know what you mean, even if it's not daydreaming..disassociation is the only way I've been able to "cope" and it can really only be accomplished in solitude.
I try to distance myself and project my mind outside of my prison of a body..then at times, imagination comes in to further distance myself from the rest of the consequences of my circumstances.
The older you get, the more is expected of you, and the system doesn't reward dreamers for dreaming, unless you're one of the lucky few who gets to use that skill for entertainment purposes/other art mediums, which isn't exactly in the cards for those of us who only have the energy and means to use it for personal escapism/survival.

 

[Zegers]

maybe after i die i will spawn myself in a body which will let me go through the stories i initially made

Hope we can live the way we want, in some space-time

 

[iamheresoareyou]

Hope we can live the way we want, in some space-time

that would be amazing
the possibility motivates me to ctb honestly
it warms up the appearance of suicide for me

 

[Judy Garland]

You'll be able to live out your daydreams, stories and more! Nothing on this earth can compare to anything we have in Heaven.