Help My date is tomorrow and I just woke up with a cold and fever. It’s ridiculous at this point, don’t know what to do

[Lovey]

I guess this is another rant on how tired I am? I really wanted my last day to be somehow okay. Not great, not the best day ever, just okay. I was going to get a haircut I've always wanted, go out for drinks with some friends one last time, then hang myself when I got home. But I've been up since 3:30am because my throat was too fucking sore and then the fever started and I have a runny nose that is so annoying! I work at 6, won't even get to have one last peaceful night of sleep.

This might be meaningless for some but I think I deserve to at least feel physically okay-ish if I'm going to commit. Does this make sense to anyone? Am I being a coward by pushing the date AGAIN? Should I just get this over with because life sucks no matter if I'm sick or not? Am I just making excuses? Please share your honest thoughts

 

[BornByGhosts]

it's your body's survival instinct kicking in, don't worry about it

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. You don't deserve to be sick and it sucks when the last days get spoiled. What's wrong with postponing your date? You're not coward at all for doing that.

In the end it's up 2 u what you wanna do. You can hang yourself even with a cold/fever if you don't wanna postpone the date.

I wish u all the best, hope u get better soon and good luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

[Lovey]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. You don't deserve to be sick and it sucks when the last days get spoiled. What's wrong with postponing your date? You're not coward at all for doing that.

In the end it's up 2 u what you wanna do. You can hang yourself even with a cold/fever if you don't wanna postpone the date.

I wish u all the best, hope u get better soon and good luck with whatever you decide to do.

I feel like a failure because I didn't mean to have such a shitty last day and much less change the date. So I really appreciate your kindness

 

[hopeless08]

I'm sure it's your survival instinct but you may also not be ready and frankly ctb is a scary, there are mixed emotions for most people. It's not easy at all

 

[Forever Sleep]

You're not being a coward at all. CTB is a choice. We don't have to do it on a set date. It's up to you whether you want to wait till you feel a bit better to enjoy your last days here before you commit.

 

[rozeske]

No you are not a coward. It's your SI kiking in which is normal. I have postponed my date, deleted goodbye thread posts so many times I have lost count. CTB is a very big decision and not an easy one so don't be so hard on yourself. And it is not irrational to want to have one somehow perfect last date

 

[FuneralCry]

It's up to you when to leave this existence, nobody is obligated to leave within a certain date. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[eashanm]

I can understand how frustrated you might feel because of that

 

[Sluggish_Slump]

wouldn't ctb if I got sick the day before the planned date either. i think it's fine to delay it for after you get well if you want your last days to be okay.

 

[Mayonaise]

This might be meaningless for some but I think I deserve to at least feel physically okay-ish if I'm going to commit. Does this make sense to anyone? Am I being a coward by pushing the date AGAIN?

It does make sense to me, I wouldn't want to spend my last day on Earth being sick either.
And no, you're not a coward. I guess nobody here is. Many of us have been struggling for months, years, enduring excruciating pain, sometimes with no realistic hope of getting better. This is not cowardice, it's self determination.

 

[Lovey]

Thanks everyone, I feel more at ease now. I do want to get that haircut and some pictures taken before I leave, so I will sit on this one until I get better

 

[eashanm]

I'm going on Jan 14, 2024.