Help My dad almost got violent and I have to live in my car again...

[snowlance]

I Got into an argument with my parents, and even though I was doing everything right, picking up after myself, doing chores when I could, etc, it isn't enough. Idk why they hate me so much when I never asked to be born. Everyone excuses the horrible things they do with "they just don't know what to do". While that's true, they definitely know what NOT to do. My dad blew up at me and I tried to fight back and he chased me downstairs when I said I was packing my things and started getting closer screaming at me and I had to grab something nearby me to protect myself to keep him from getting closer and told him to stay back and he started saying "OH YOUR GONNA HIT ME ID LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY COME ON" and got closer and closer into my face and my brother had to come out and push him away but he was taunting and challenging me. He was still charging at me trying to get past my brother, idk what he would've done to me...after he left I couldn't hold on anymore and everything went black, my brother said I had a seizure and when my friend told me I should go to the er for that and I asked him he said I was actually just out of it and unresponsive, but I remember shaking uncontrollably. That was the final straw and he said he'd throw my stuff on the road in the argument too, and now they forced my brothers to take me to my grandmas to "let things calm down" so while they're at home watching TV by a fire, I'm getting 0 sleep in a unfamiliar bed instead of hanging out with my friends tonight or doing anything fun. They say I'm the problem and while they're partly true, I didn't have this hard of a time controlling my panic attacks and weed consumption at any other point in my life. I always had a way to stop or was able to, I cant there. Everyones on their side, even my brothers try to justify it its so sickening. "They just don't know what to do" yeah that doesn't give them the right to treat me like shit. This has been happening for 10 years now of unstoppable abuse and I've done nothing but be nice to everyone and show everyone respect. They're changing that and im becoming more and more cynical and mean and I hate that. Its like a game of trying to prevent anymore permanent damage before I get approved for disability. Nice job mom and dad you gave your didabled potentially autistic daughter a seizure and burned a horrible memory into her mind for life and she'll never see you the same again, is that what you wanted? It's like beating the shit out of a guy in a wheelchair, but people don't treat mental health the same way...does anyone know of any good storage options for homeless or low income? That's the main thing im worried of, is losing all my processions. I live around Madison WI btw if that helps...I'll take all the help I can get...

 

[wontachievehappines]

I dont live in the area but god I wish I could help/give you resources. I'm so sorry this happened to you

 

[Praestat_Mori]

This is so horrible what your parents r doing to you. I'm sorry, I'm not anywhere near the US to offer help. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

 

[snowlance]

For anyone that's curious this is my family dynamic and its always been this way for some reason. The only part of it that isn't true is my mom and dad share the first two roles. Dad becomes the abuser when I try to fight back. And mom is when she says horrible things to me and everyone pretends like nothing is happening. Idk why they have this power complex and sheep mentality but I've always been the black sheep, the one that didn't fit. My whole life has been this chart and everyone changes roles from time to time but it's always like this...

 

[boblong]

Yikes , your only hope now is getting a part-time job and move out of that family asap.

 

[snowlance]

Yikes , your only hope now is getting a part-time job and move out of that family asap.

Id absolutely love to do that if i could but i came to the horrifying realization the other day that I can't anymore, my disability is too strong now. In the past I was able to move out from my rebellious nature and get an apartment again until I'd lose it and the cycle continued. I tried that now and it doesn't work anymore, the battery has run dry. I've been getting back into programming again and rediscovering my passion for game dev and thought they'd at least be happy with me building my portfolio and bettering myself until I get approved for disability but my dad showed the true colors yesterday...
I think I'm almost completely disabled now, the only options I have left anymore is disability or ctb...
That memory of last week still haunts me. I remember so vividly breaking down in front of my mom and her saying I'm safe here than anywhere else and they won't let anything happen to me. Then immediately after I stopped crying she reminded me of the chores I needed to do and etc. I should've seen that as my sign and left then, I'm so stupid.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Your situation is really severe. I also think you need to get out of that house asap. Since you're not in a position to have a job, is there anyone in your life that could help you? An aunt, a cousin, a friend that you could live with?

 

[snowlance]

Your situation is really severe. I also think you need to get out of that house asap. Since you're not in a position to have a job, is there anyone in your life that could help you? An aunt, a cousin, a friend that you could live with?

Everyone in family doesn't want or care about me, I am the black sheep everyone pretends doesn't exist.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Are you staying with your Grandma now? If you were to get disability to pay rent, do you think she'd let you stay with her? Your home environment sounds like the worst place to be.