My current thoughts

[DattMav48]

Good evening,

my current situation is this. Just over 2 weeks ago my wife told me she wanted to split up, almost out of the blue. There's nobody else shes just been unhappy for a few months and thinks I was unhappy too (which is correct, but not unhappy enough to walk away or not try make it work).
We've been through a lot together, we lost our son at the 20wk scan on Christmas Eve 2013, and then we had a beautiful daughter in March 2015.

she doesn't seem prepared to work at it and has said she's 95% done with the relationship. She wants to stay friends but I can't do that, it's just the way I am. Obviously we have a little girl so we would have to have contact.

I almost ended it last week when Iost it at work, was sent for a walk and ended up walking over a bridge and saw a train coming, then it was slowing down to stop which pissed me off.

I have spoken to friends about how I feel, and they all tell me I'll get through it and I need to stay strong for my daughter. What is eating away at me is potentially seeing someone else in my daughters life in the future, that would destroy me.

Having read a few posts today it seems like there are many who feel like me, and I guess I've come here to help make my mind up. I'm not ready to let go of the relationship, I don't think I ever will be, and I don't want to be around when she moves on.

Thanks for reading

 

[SoupSnakes]

I'm so sorry for the situation you're in. It's a tough one because it completely depends on who you are as a person and how honest she has been (for example, my ex told me there wasn't anyone else when he left me in the hopes of making it easier for me, but there was someone else).

I think you need to sit down and have a long talk with her about whether or not you both want to make it work. If you don't, work on yourself and how to help yourself move forward. Even if that means you put all of your focus into your little girl, you'll find that all of a sudden, it's not so hard. And you never know, you might find someone else quicker than her, you might both not find someone for a long time. You just don't know until you're living it.

Good luck with whatever you do, and I am so sorry for the loss of your son.

 

[ThingWithFeathers]

Welcome to the forum. Yes, there are several people with similar situations. The key to handling it is not letting your emotions and impulses take over you. Be very conscious of that. The child's happiness is also at stake here. More than half of the marriages end up in divorce. It doesn't seem like there would be lot of bitterness involved in separation in your case. I guess there is a lot of room for amicable resolution to this. Don't jump on to offing yourself, there are lot many options you have at the moment. *hugs*

 

[DattMav48]

I'm so sorry for the situation you're in. It's a tough one because it completely depends on who you are as a person and how honest she has been (for example, my ex told me there wasn't anyone else when he left me in the hopes of making it easier for me, but there was someone else).

I think you need to sit down and have a long talk with her about whether or not you both want to make it work. If you don't, work on yourself and how to help yourself move forward. Even if that means you put all of your focus into your little girl, you'll find that all of a sudden, it's not so hard. And you never know, you might find someone else quicker than her, you might both not find someone for a long time. You just don't know until you're living it.

Good luck with whatever you do, and I am so sorry for the loss of your son.

Thank you, and good luck for tonight, I hope your journey goes the way you want it to

Welcome to the forum. Yes, there are several people with similar situations. The key to handling it is not letting your emotions and impulses take over you. Be very conscious of that. The child's happiness is also at stake here. More than half of the marriages end up in divorce. It doesn't seem like there would be lot of bitterness involved in separation in your case. I guess there is a lot of room for amicable resolution to this. Don't jump on to offing yourself, there are lot many options you have at the moment. *hugs*

Thank you!

 

[realjunes]

DattMav - Welcome to the forum, I think you have found a good place to land considering what you have been through, the tragic and the sad. Already some good thoughts have been transmitted to you by other members, and if you give us some time to get to feel more from you as an SS member, I believe you and we will be able to reason through some of the unreasonable with you. Thanks for joining us, and we look forward to your contributions here, you have already shared with us and we appreciate you.
Oh yeah, DM48 - if no one has yet told you, after you have done about 5 posts (I believe 5 is the magic number), you will thereafter be able to send and receive private messages - PM - with other members, so you can send/receive more direct and personal messages.

 

[Polka]

It's not out of the blue for her. Oftentimes women reach the conclusion to leave over years.

Maybe try and find out what it is about you that drove her away. You might not be fully aware of how you act/think so at least you can get some new information from a terrible situation and then grow from it if you want that. If you are fully cognizant of that then I apologize.

With the awful divorce stats marriage is over for men now.

 

[DattMav48]

DattMav - Welcome to the forum, I think you have found a good place to land considering what you have been through, the tragic and the sad. Already some good thoughts have been transmitted to you by other members, and if you give us some time to get to feel more from you as an SS member, I believe you and we will be able to reason through some of the unreasonable with you. Thanks for joining us, and we look forward to your contributions here, you have already shared with us and we appreciate you.
Oh yeah, DM48 - if no one has yet told you, after you have done about 5 posts (I believe 5 is the magic number), you will thereafter be able to send and receive private messages - PM - with other members, so you can send/receive more direct and personal messages.

Thank you