Venting My ctb planning starts

[SanguineShark]

My gf just broke up with me, not surprised as I'm incapable of being loved bc I'm worthless
I found a good legal SN source near me, I'm going to buy it and start planning. I don't want to cbt at home.. maybe, idk.. I love my cat and would love to have her in my arms when I die. But I would also prefer to not be found by my family. Police finding my body would be better.. and maybe one of my best friends can cbt with me, I mentioned it to them. I hate life so much, I have the right to leave if I want to. I have the right to die on my own terms.
Also, I will not be revealing the source. Not here and not in pm's. I don't feel comfortable with that.

 

[Yuta32]

I understand you, and I know that what I'm about to say might not be helpful because I've been there, and it's very difficult. But try to feel the pain and everything, you're not weak if you cry or scream to let it out. It's going to hurt, a lot. I say this so that it's not an impulsive decision, but I understand that there may be other things happening in your life besides this, and what happened with your girlfriend was the last straw. Whatever you decide, I hope you find peace.

 

[SanguineShark]

I understand you, and I know that what I'm about to say might not be helpful because I've been there, and it's very difficult. But try to feel the pain and everything, you're not weak if you cry or scream to let it out. It's going to hurt, a lot. I say this so that it's not an impulsive decision, but I understand that there may be other things happening in your life besides this, and what happened with your girlfriend was the last straw. Whatever you decide, I hope you find peace.

Yeah it's just been the last straw. I've been depressed for 7+ years, traumatised and overall just.. I have a shit life, I hate myself and I hate existing..

 

[popcornheart]

I am sorry to hear about your gf. I understand the feeling of being unlovable. I am married, but my partner moved out during my last hospitalization. I'm basically just waiting for them to say it is over completely. There was a slight possibility they may have come back, but now that the AC is broken in the house I'm sure that possibility has gone to 0%.

I also have cats. It would be nice to snuggle them as I CTB but I think my only option is CO (since SN is hard to come by) and I would hate for them to be affected by the gas. I hope you find peace.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry that life brought you to this point. It must be a relief to have a good method at hand. I hope everything goes well for you with your plans and you can find peace!

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand that it's so awful feeling trapped in an existence you hate, I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[SanguineShark]

I am sorry to hear about your gf. I understand the feeling of being unlovable. I am married, but my partner moved out during my last hospitalization. I'm basically just waiting for them to say it is over completely. There was a slight possibility they may have come back, but now that the AC is broken in the house I'm sure that possibility has gone to 0%.

I also have cats. It would be nice to snuggle them as I CTB but I think my only option is CO (since SN is hard to come by) and I would hate for them to be affected by the gas. I hope you find peace.

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I really wish you well and for happy moments. If not, I hope you find peace. Give your cats snuggles from me.

I'm sorry that life brought you to this point. It must be a relief to have a good method at hand. I hope everything goes well for you with your plans and you can find peace!

It is! I started feeling more calm and happy after knowing I have such easy access to it! I feel like I can start planning. Thinking about peaceful hands of death fills me with such a calm emotion.

 

[MrDarkness]

I hope your able to find peace, im so close to just offing myself

 

[SanguineShark]

I hope your able to find peace, im so close to just offing myself

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I hope you find peace too.

 

[SunflowerBrains]

My gf just broke up with me, not surprised as I'm incapable of being loved bc I'm worthless
I found a good legal SN source near me, I'm going to buy it and start planning. I don't want to cbt at home.. maybe, idk.. I love my cat and would love to have her in my arms when I die. But I would also prefer to not be found by my family. Police finding my body would be better.. and maybe one of my best friends can cbt with me, I mentioned it to them. I hate life so much, I have the right to leave if I want to. I have the right to die on my own terms.
Also, I will not be revealing the source. Not here and not in pm's. I don't feel comfortable with that.

Good luck, fellow Arcane lover. <3

 

[SanguineShark]

Good luck, fellow Arcane lover. <3

I sometimes have delusions where for months I'm convinced I'm Jinx from arcane, like I have her memories and feel like the world I'm in is not real, then after 3 months it suddenly stops and I'm left wondering what the fuck is wrong with me. It's not surprising considering just how mentally ill I am. I relate to jinx on an extreme level and have "what could have been" on my ctb note playlist :)