I want to say in advance that the following text is probably not suitable for everyone. If you're not 100% for CTB do not read! I wrote this text in third person to myself when I was very bad.and it helped me to try CTB. The attempt with CO has failed, but I want to give it to people who need this text.
The Last Way Chronicles: The Last War
In the last weeks, before a person is ready to go the last way, many doubts reveal themselves and especially the decision to go is doubted. To walk the last path in freedom and perfection, the last war must be won. The war against the instinct of self-preservation. The war against all pseudo doubts that will arise. This is what is to be disproved again and again. Your mind will panic and seek out some hope, such as love. As if a relationship improves everything, on the contrary: it only makes it worse and destroys the self-confidence to go the last way. You need a matra, which you learn by heart, in order to remove it in moments of doubt. Write down a reason why you are leaving. Fight the last war, get peace and go the last way! "I go the last way, and wage the last war. In a white dress, I break the last suffering. The person who cries out in agony and yet remains. I am ready, never more suffering. Sheltered like a sheep, I gently glide to sleep, I say goodbye with a smile, now the sodium nitrite regulates. " (In German it rimes) Hope is the poison that has made you suffer all these years. You have to find your anger against all the suffering you have suffered, you have to realize again and again how ugly and cold this god damned place is. The world knows no merci. Plan carefully and structured. The last road cannot be broken, you can only go it in peace when all doubts are cleared away. Your illness existed in 2015-16 just as it does now, the difference: it has grown. It is chronic. Your companion until death. Tell me, isn't it pure fiction to say that one day you'll be able to work? Let alone catch up on boring school reading in a depressed classroom? It takes at least months, but years have passed before you have a degree that you can relate to. Years that you have to catch up on in a class and later on to vocational school? What should have changed until then that I have to go to school or to my job? The depression will be exactly the same in 2 years as it is today, and after 100 therapies you can safely say that it has not magically disappeared after 200 therapies. My question is, do you want that? Do you need the pain on top of it? On the face of it, you are incapable of living with this disease. But please, don't lose your smile. No, not in your last days :) I just wanted to tell you about the icy cold reality It is ugly, very ugly. And the future is not made of gold. It will get uglier. And it's okay to want to leave, it's okay to want to leave, it's okay. Go in peace, go the last way.
The Last Way Chronicles: The Last War
In the last weeks, before a person is ready to go the last way, many doubts reveal themselves and especially the decision to go is doubted. To walk the last path in freedom and perfection, the last war must be won. The war against the instinct of self-preservation. The war against all pseudo doubts that will arise. This is what is to be disproved again and again. Your mind will panic and seek out some hope, such as love. As if a relationship improves everything, on the contrary: it only makes it worse and destroys the self-confidence to go the last way. You need a matra, which you learn by heart, in order to remove it in moments of doubt. Write down a reason why you are leaving. Fight the last war, get peace and go the last way! "I go the last way, and wage the last war. In a white dress, I break the last suffering. The person who cries out in agony and yet remains. I am ready, never more suffering. Sheltered like a sheep, I gently glide to sleep, I say goodbye with a smile, now the sodium nitrite regulates. " (In German it rimes) Hope is the poison that has made you suffer all these years. You have to find your anger against all the suffering you have suffered, you have to realize again and again how ugly and cold this god damned place is. The world knows no merci. Plan carefully and structured. The last road cannot be broken, you can only go it in peace when all doubts are cleared away. Your illness existed in 2015-16 just as it does now, the difference: it has grown. It is chronic. Your companion until death. Tell me, isn't it pure fiction to say that one day you'll be able to work? Let alone catch up on boring school reading in a depressed classroom? It takes at least months, but years have passed before you have a degree that you can relate to. Years that you have to catch up on in a class and later on to vocational school? What should have changed until then that I have to go to school or to my job? The depression will be exactly the same in 2 years as it is today, and after 100 therapies you can safely say that it has not magically disappeared after 200 therapies. My question is, do you want that? Do you need the pain on top of it? On the face of it, you are incapable of living with this disease. But please, don't lose your smile. No, not in your last days :) I just wanted to tell you about the icy cold reality It is ugly, very ugly. And the future is not made of gold. It will get uglier. And it's okay to want to leave, it's okay to want to leave, it's okay. Go in peace, go the last way.
Last edited:
